Divorce but husband is making my life hell

LastChanceSaloon_2

thorsoak wrote: »

Have you actually started divorce proceedings? If you haven't please start now - and get a rottweiller of a solicitor who can get your OH out of the house whilst the divorce proceeds.

I have all the forms and I have asked for them to be sent. Unfortunately my solicitor doesn't think that we have quite enough to get my husband out urgently on an occupation order at the moment.

neneromanova

LastChanceSaloon wrote: »

I have all the forms and I have asked for them to be sent. Unfortunately my solicitor doesn't think that we have quite enough to get my husband out urgently on an occupation order at the moment.

Have you told your solicitor that he has hit you in the past and confronted your mother last night?

Guest101

LastChanceSaloon wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies. I have a solicitor who I decided went a bit heavy handed when I put it all on ice.

We live in a 3 bed house and my husband is taking up the third bedroom as his junk room for his hobby which is why I am sleeping in my son's bedroom and my son either shares a bed with my husband (in the same bedroom where he has his desktop now!) or now the mattress on the floor with me (I bought a double one last week since I had to share a single one with him which didn't help me sleeping really). I have asked my husband for years to clear the "office" so my son could have his own bedroom but he has been promising for years). Due to my solicitor advising me that it will be looking really bad that he is sharing a bed with my son he agreed 2 weeks ago that it would be empty by the end of this week since he is renting a workshop. This morning he informed me it would be empty at the end of next week and he allegedly never said anything about this week.

In respect to moving out I was advised that I will have to inform my husband that I want to move and take my son with me and if he doesn't agree to this then I can't take my son so obvioulsy I wouldn't leave either.

The house is in joint name and it was my solicitor who advised me to have a family member staying with me because of the state I was in. My husband's dad lives 5 miles away in a 4 bed house alone but he has said that "he wouldn't take him because it would affect his sanity living with him and he couldn't face it".

The credit card debts in my husband's name were accumulated over years with the vast majority of them making up the difference of my husbands spending for work (mileage, flights, hotel rooms for his job) which he could never be bothered to claim. His expenses or better him not doing them has been an immense stress all the way through our relationship with me constantly nagging him about it and it causing bad blood. At one stage he lost £8k handing them in a year late with his company refusing the pay the claim. Unfortunately he didn't learn from it. As a previous poster advised, my solicitor advised me that I am not liable for the cc debts in his name and I have no intention of taking any responsibility for them because I took out balance transfers myself (which are almost paid off) to make up the shortfall.

It might sound crazy given the situation I am in but I can't leave the animals behind and I have experienced first hand how hard it is to find a rental property with them. I am happy to buy him out. After all he says he only wants the money now so he can fulfill himself (he is looking at converted Russian army trucks so he can go and travel the world - that was last week's idea anyway).

My son is due to fly back to Germany with my mum for the last 2 weeks of his holiday. I have no idea if he will still let him but due to me being at work he would have to look after our son which would certainly "cramm his style" and I can't see happening. I will have to approach the subject sooner rather than later. The original idea was for my dad to stay with me but after last night my now 70 year old dad is a bundle of nerves and way too scared to be here with my husband (alone during the day while I am at work) so i am sending him home as well.)

A note on the side. We both agreed about Josh staying with me (my husband wants to enjoy his freedom rather than being limited by a 10 year old on a daily basis) although he wants to have the normal access (every other weekend and maybe a day during the week). I should add that before all this my husband has been one of the most hands on dads although in the last few weeks the internet has become his main focus.

It would look bad if your son was sharing a room with your husband, yes it would look bad for you.

I think you arent making the situation any better.

Clearly he's an _____ (insert your preferred word)

But you have moved family in, which antagonises things, and you have snooped at his business.

I think if the CC was used to purchase family belongings, and you refused to pay for it, he would be claiming alot of things. (Car? Possessions?) That's why alot of the time, debts are considered joint. (even if they are in sole name)

What has your solicitor suggested as to splitting assets?

Oh and i meant to say. You dont have witness statement, you have character references.

Just playing devils advocate btw

RAS

Previous thread https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/61707385#Comment_61707385

OP - Contact the Cinnamon Trust as they will foster pets until you can find somewhere for yourself and your son to live that takes them. In the short-term aim for a 6 month let.

LastChanceSaloon_2

Guest101 wrote: »

It would look bad if your son was sharing a room with your husband, yes it would look bad for you.

I think you arent making the situation any better.

Clearly he's an _____ (insert your preferred word)

But you have moved family in, which antagonises things, and you have snooped at his business.

I think if the CC was used to purchase family belongings, and you refused to pay for it, he would be claiming alot of things. (Car? Possessions?) That's why alot of the time, debts are considered joint. (even if they are in sole name)

What has your solicitor suggested as to splitting assets?

Oh and i meant to say. You dont have witness statement, you have character references.

Just playing devils advocate btw

The reason my husband was sharing a room with my son was because I moved out after he hit me. My solicitor said it will make him look bad because of his conduct and the refusal to empty his remote control cars out of the office so my son, me and him could all have a separate bedroom.

My parents are sleeping on the couch in the playroom and they are supporting me since my husband has stopped helping with the animals (one dog is 15 and needs to go out every 3 hours) and also looking after my son (who has been mainly ignored by my husband) during the holidays.

I actually have character references as well as witness statements because my husband has in the past also physically removed a friend of mine out of our house after he didn't like what she had to say.

MakeupAddict_2

LastChanceSaloon wrote: »

In respect to moving out I was advised that I will have to inform my husband that I want to move and take my son with me and if he doesn't agree to this then I can't take my son so obvioulsy I wouldn't leave either.

If you want to take him to Germany, yes - but not to move to another house in the same town. Or country.

You do seem to be finding reasons why you can't move. My own opinion is that for your son's sake you have to.

If you've never really known a life in Britain without him to support you, maybe it does seem daunting. But your written English is perfect, and even if you don't know many people in your own right over here, you CAN do it. Don't stay with him just because you're too scared to leave.

MuAx

Guest101

LastChanceSaloon wrote: »

The reason my husband was sharing a room with my son was because I moved out after he hit me. My solicitor said it will make him look bad because of his conduct and the refusal to empty his remote control cars out of the office so my son, me and him could all have a separate bedroom.

My parents are sleeping on the couch in the playroom and they are supporting me since my husband has stopped helping with the animals (one dog is 15 and needs to go out every 3 hours) and also looking after my son (who has been mainly ignored by my husband) during the holidays.

I actually have character references as well as witness statements because my husband has in the past also physically removed a friend of mine out of our house after he didn't like what she had to say.

Obviously listen to what your solicitor says, but i think he was saying it, as it makes your husband look like an appropriate carer, which would look bad for you. (not saying he is)

It's still antagonistic, clearly they dont get on. but you insist on them living there. It could be seen as a sign that you make the living situation unbearable. Whereas proving your husband ignores your son will be much more difficult.

If he asked her to leave, which wold be impossible to say otherwise. He's entitled to encourage her to go. Using reasoable and appropriate force, which again without police evidence to say otherwise, will be difficult to prove.

Just telling you what your husband will say

VitaK

LastChanceSaloon wrote: »

The reason my husband was sharing a room with my son was because I moved out after he hit me. My solicitor said it will make him look bad because of his conduct and the refusal to empty his remote control cars out of the office so my son, me and him could all have a separate bedroom.

Why didn't you move your son out after he hit you. Your son should not be sharing room with someone that is about to blow. Safety first.

It looks bad on both of you for not clearing the office out immediately.

Valli

VitaK wrote: »

Why didn't you move your son out after he hit you. Your son should not be sharing room with someone that is about to blow. Safety first.

It looks bad on both of you for not clearing the office out immediately.

Well, in the real world, men (and women) who aim to control their partners do so so subtly that the poor person being controlled doesn't always see it coming.

It's like being caught in a spider web. You just don't see what is happening to you - and you can be the brightest, bubbliest, most optimistic person in the world but you are trapped so slowly and subtly...

and eventually you realise (if you're lucky) and you get yourself out of it...and it is bl00dy hard.

OP in this case appears to have been advised that she needs to stay put to protect her own (and her son's) interest. Well, no she doesn't. But she really needs to hear that from RL people and not anonymous internet posters.


Getting out of, starting to fight your way out of, a relationship within which you have been so completely controlled you never saw it coming is damned hard work.

Please don't belittle her efforts or assume it's easy.