Divorce but husband is making my life hell

LastChanceSaloon_2

I understand that it might well not be my business but my son has been faced with my husband's !!!!!! since he leaves it openly on his pc and it has been quite upsetting to him.

pmlindyloo

Guest101 wrote: »

Everything u own and owe is joint. You both own the house, the pensions, any cars etc. and you both owe everything jointly.

The sensible thing, if you want a clean break is to sell the house.

If you take over the mortgage, you would need to buy out his half, ie remortgage, to the sum of 50% of the house. Your solicitor can advise more.

Otherwise, you could stay, but he would remain an owner and when yoru son turns 18, he could force the sale at 50% of the future value.

This is certainly not true in the case of credit cards in his name. The OP has no liability for these, although she may well feel a moral responsibility if the money was spent on joint things.

OP, I rarely advice people with young children to leave the marital home but in your case I believe that this is the sensible thing to do. His going onto sex websites may be a bullish reaction but it could easily lead to other more unpleasant thing like meeting women at your house. From what you say your OH appears to be going through a midlife crisis. This coupled with physical abuse (originally) and your feeling threatened is enough for me to recommend your leaving pretty blooming quickly.

Your OH appears to be acting in a totally irrational way and I feel you need to get away from this.

Your solicitor will sort everything out for you - the house and financially. No one can really say what you will be entitled to and what the outcome will be but it will get sorted eventually.

Divorce can be very stressful especially where one party is not 'on board'.

Give yourself some breathing space and try to find rented accommodation where you and your son can live as peaceful a life as possible.

Battleaxe44

Find a place to rent. it is shame when he hit you you did not report as Domestic Violence.

If he does go for you or your parents it is to be reported immediately to the police. Your child should nt be witnessing this sort of behavour.

Your husband will not move out, so it has to be you. You have to provide a safe home for your son. Living in this house is not the way forward at the moment.

you might have to leave the pets behind, it is a hard decsion but the safety andd security for your son is paramount.

cakeforbrains

LastChanceSaloon wrote: »

I feel detached yet aggrieved that my husband is contributing nothing but managed to pay subscribtions to his sex sides and £400 for a private massage while he tells my son that he can't afford his swimming lessons.

I'm sorry. I sympathise with your situation, but how on earth would you know how much he's paid for a prostitute?

MakeupAddict_2

LastChanceSaloon wrote: »

I had found a house for my son, me and our 2 dogs and cat and put down a holding deposit of £1000. That’s when my husband said he would move out. Unfortunately he changed his mind a week later and said he wouldn’t. I should add that it took me 3 months to find a property that would allow the pets which is why we decided it would be easier for him to move out. Also he is not contributing anything and if I would move out and rent he wouldn’t be able to keep the house.

Classic controlling behaviour I'm afraid. he may/probably never have had any intention of moving out, he just took a week to say so. The time to say it was easier for him to move out was before you'd spent three months finding somewhere suitable. By doing what he's done he's managed to keep a roof over his head for possibly another three months while you find somewhere else.

However difficult, you need to find another place as soon as possible, and move out. If he can't keep the house on, then it will have to be sold - and if you can afford it, you'll be in a strong position to buy him out and go back, although it may take some time to get to that point.

The internet sex is the headline grabber here, but there's a lot more going on. Move out and don't be swayed by anything he says or any offers or promises he makes. You need to be strong minded and determined.

MuAx

aileth

Blow me, I thought a mid life-crisis consisted of a porsche or middle-management convertible, not tattoos, piercings, private massages, sex with strangers and smacking your wife about. What a catch he is.

Please try and avoid his business, you'll only make yourself more upset, however funny it might be if you find out he's having sex with a Thai transvestite called Lily.

Move out ASAP, start the hunt again and DO NOT listen to him if he says he'll stay in the house. Get it on the market ASAP, get your ancillary relief ball rolling with the divorce. You might want to stay in the house, but it'll just be full of bad memories and karma, particularly for your son I bet. Fresh start, clean slate for both of you.

Try and buy elsewhere if there's any equity left over after debts are clean and have a bloody nice holiday while captain scumbug is getting his end away and attempting to pick up every STD in the book.

You can do it!

CH27

Move out ASAP.
Sell the house & split everything. Protect your son above all.

Valli

Your husband is reacting/retaliating (whatever you want to call it) like this because he is angry and he is not thinking straight.
Until you called 'time' on the relationship he was 'happy' to carry on - now you have started to make arrangements to move your life forward he is responding like this.

Staying in the house/moving out of the house doesn't alter how the assets and debts of the marriage will be assessed; look for somewhere else to live ASAP and move your son away from this situation where he is being used to manipulate you - and, at the same time seeing and hearing things he really shouldn't.

See a solicitor with a view to forcing the sale of the house; pay off the debts, split the proceeds and start again.

thorsoak

Have you actually started divorce proceedings? If you haven't please start now - and get a rottweiller of a solicitor who can get your OH out of the house whilst the divorce proceeds.

LastChanceSaloon_2

Thank you for all the replies. I have a solicitor who I decided went a bit heavy handed when I put it all on ice.

We live in a 3 bed house and my husband is taking up the third bedroom as his junk room for his hobby which is why I am sleeping in my son's bedroom and my son either shares a bed with my husband (in the same bedroom where he has his desktop now!) or now the mattress on the floor with me (I bought a double one last week since I had to share a single one with him which didn't help me sleeping really). I have asked my husband for years to clear the "office" so my son could have his own bedroom but he has been promising for years). Due to my solicitor advising me that it will be looking really bad that he is sharing a bed with my son he agreed 2 weeks ago that it would be empty by the end of this week since he is renting a workshop. This morning he informed me it would be empty at the end of next week and he allegedly never said anything about this week.

In respect to moving out I was advised that I will have to inform my husband that I want to move and take my son with me and if he doesn't agree to this then I can't take my son so obvioulsy I wouldn't leave either.

The house is in joint name and it was my solicitor who advised me to have a family member staying with me because of the state I was in. My husband's dad lives 5 miles away in a 4 bed house alone but he has said that "he wouldn't take him because it would affect his sanity living with him and he couldn't face it".

The credit card debts in my husband's name were accumulated over years with the vast majority of them making up the difference of my husbands spending for work (mileage, flights, hotel rooms for his job) which he could never be bothered to claim. His expenses or better him not doing them has been an immense stress all the way through our relationship with me constantly nagging him about it and it causing bad blood. At one stage he lost £8k handing them in a year late with his company refusing the pay the claim. Unfortunately he didn't learn from it. As a previous poster advised, my solicitor advised me that I am not liable for the cc debts in his name and I have no intention of taking any responsibility for them because I took out balance transfers myself (which are almost paid off) to make up the shortfall.

It might sound crazy given the situation I am in but I can't leave the animals behind and I have experienced first hand how hard it is to find a rental property with them. I am happy to buy him out. After all he says he only wants the money now so he can fulfill himself (he is looking at converted Russian army trucks so he can go and travel the world - that was last week's idea anyway).

My son is due to fly back to Germany with my mum for the last 2 weeks of his holiday. I have no idea if he will still let him but due to me being at work he would have to look after our son which would certainly "cramm his style" and I can't see happening. I will have to approach the subject sooner rather than later. The original idea was for my dad to stay with me but after last night my now 70 year old dad is a bundle of nerves and way too scared to be here with my husband (alone during the day while I am at work) so i am sending him home as well.)

A note on the side. We both agreed about Josh staying with me (my husband wants to enjoy his freedom rather than being limited by a 10 year old on a daily basis) although he wants to have the normal access (every other weekend and maybe a day during the week). I should add that before all this my husband has been one of the most hands on dads although in the last few weeks the internet has become his main focus.