Why are people not willing to talk about money?

Tropez

kettlefish wrote: »

I could have written this post. Our luxuries are travel. And I supposeour financial position means I can be a Sahm while our children are small.

Largely the same with me. No one knows exactly how much I earn, not even my employer. My partner knows my basic salary but not my annual income from everything including bonuses and investment. Before anyone jumps down my throat, she's never asked for that information. If she asks, I'll tell her.

But I won't tell anyone else because I can't be bothered with it getting in the way of friendships, or being seen as some sort of measuring stick for whatever silly reason.

ska_lover

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Yesterday a girl told me she wanted to get a morgage but had no idea how to go about it... natually (to me) asked how much deposit she had in which she looked at me complety gone out so I asked her if that was cheeky question and she said yes very and refused to talk about it anymore...

A girl told you she wanted a mortgage? Sounds like this person wasn't even a friend, just some random girl. Asking someone about their finances is overstepping the mark, and appears nosey and rude.

Other peoples finances are not really your business

A house hold finance is only the business of the husband and wife/partners. The only reason anyone else would want to know - is to judge.

lolavix

I think it's a British thing tbh

I find it odd though, especially when talking to colleagues - I'd rather know what they're on so that I can work out whether its worth trying to move up the ladder or change jobs!

I've never seen why its such a big deal as long as people are comfortable with their lives.

ska_lover

One thing I DO find strange though, is job advertisements that do not tell you the salary.

marlasinger

I think it's because a lot of people make judgements and snide comments about others regarding money. Someone once asked me if I spent my husbands money. I said 'no' (I didn't even want to get into the fact that we don't have 'his' and 'my' money - it's all 'ours') and she said I must be a 'rich b!tch'!

I don't mind talking about how much I spend on groceries, or utilities bills, but anything to do with savings or earnings is pretty much off limits, unless I know them very well.

balletshoes

lolavix wrote: »

I think it's a British thing tbh

I find it odd though, especially when talking to colleagues - I'd rather know what they're on so that I can work out whether its worth trying to move up the ladder or change jobs!

I've never seen why its such a big deal as long as people are comfortable with their lives.

yes, I'd say some other cultures don't have the same reticence about discussing salaries etc. However, even in other cultures, discussing what you have financially is often to do with boasting about how well you're doing in comparison to someone else. My OH is not from the UK, and since he's lived here he's stopped talking about his income as much as he used to - because if he's doing well its not unheard of that he'll get asked (in a roundabout or not-so-roundabout way) for a handout or a loan.

browneyedbazzi

lolavix wrote: »

I think it's a British thing tbh

I find it odd though, especially when talking to colleagues - I'd rather know what they're on so that I can work out whether its worth trying to move up the ladder or change jobs!

I've never seen why its such a big deal as long as people are comfortable with their lives.

It isn't exclusively British, I live in the UK but I'm not British and most people I know back home have a similar attitude.

SandC

I am very similar to Marisco. I don't discuss my salary with anyone. None of my family or friends know what I earn but I guess a lot would be in the right ballpark if they tried to figure it out!

Many people I think presume I earn more than I actually do because I take very nice holidays as often as I can. Never mind that I don't even have a mobile phone contract and my car is 13 years old!

My dad too taught me to be savvy and when I want something to save up for it.

geoffky

My wife was stopped in our village shop and the person said i hear your husband has sold his business for xxx amount of money...
My wife did no know where to put her face and was really embarrassed.
To me it was very rude of the person and rather crass.

lostinrates

kettlefish wrote: »

I don't talk about money because I get cross with the amount of people who tell me I've "landed on my feet" or "done really well". My husband had a large inheritance as he lost both his parents when he was a teenager. Consequently we don't have a mortgage and could buy our house outright all over again with what we have in the bank.

I don't want to be seen as a gold-digger (when we met and fell in love, as far as I knew he was a skint, unemployed 23-year-old living very much hand to mouth, as depression and denial had meant he hadn't been able to face sorting out the Wills) and the "lucky" comments still upset him. Obviously we'd both rather be skint and have his parents around to share in the joy of our wonderful marriage and lovely DD.

So I guess that'd boil down to it being nowt to do with anyone else, as well as wanting to avoid lengthy discussions about how we could have a better house/car/holiday if we spent what was in the bank.

I will happily discuss things like Wills (so important), insurance policies and big ticket purchases, though.

One member of dh's extended family cruelly suggested I had married him for his (presumed ) inheritance. I didn't disillusion them as to the situation that there was none because of the dishonesty of other members of their family, or let them know that I came to our marriage with more money than he would have had from the presumed inheritance in any case at that stage . None of their business.

The thing about giving advice on a small aspect of finance, is that its hard without seeing the full picture of a person's financial picture. General single mortgage advice is pretty standard, sure, but other aspects, might get more heady and complicated depending on any number of things not known to the person giving the advice, and not known by the recipient to inform them about.

Surely that's why the job of financial advisor exists, so that we can sit and give a full picture to people who have the time paid for to ask the right questions to give the best whole of picture advice?

I'm not particularly squeamish about money. My husband's salary, by far the bulk of our income, is published on the Internet (that's how we always find it to give because we lose track too, and his employers are disorganised, but the Internet data is up to date!). That said, I don't feel the need to inform everyone we know of exactly what the smaller amounts we have coming in for mainly historic work, or the pennies for our micro-business add up to, apart from the tax man and my accountant. When asked socially, or when we've quoted for advice here we've given the salary amount only, because its the bread and butter amount.

We are scrupulous about not claiming what we do not need (I have never claimed for the period I did not earn, not because I think its wrong to, but because my husband earned enough to support me) nor do we seek to gratuitously tax avoid.