How can I bring closure to an unfinished 'relationship'?

GoldenShadow

I think the title explains it, really. 'How to bring closure to an unfinished relationship' - you need to finish it. I can't think you will get closure unless you cut contact and try to move on and leave it in the past. I wouldn't, anyway.

bagpussbear

From a practical point of view, closure would be to stop emailing him, and not reading/deleting any emails.

Emotionally, well that's a lot harder! You have had an emotional affair with this man for many years now, and although you don't mention the word 'love' I do think you have been in love with him.

You say you are happy with your husband, but what sort of happy? I am happy when I buy a bargain off Amazon, I am happy when my husband throws his arms around me and tells me I am the most beautiful woman in the world, lol! they are very different levels of happiness. I wonder what's been missing all these years OP that hasn't made you say goodbye to this friend a long time ago.

Closure can only come if you finish things in your mind and move on, committed to the life and man you have now.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You can't have closure on something that never happened.

Just get on with your life and stop pining for what might have been.

carefullycautious

He sounds like he is your back up plan if things go wrong with your husband. This is why you can't move on.

If you we're really happy in your relationship none of this would be happening

Think you need to look at things a little deeper closer to home

angelil

Thanks for all of your comments. Rest assured I'm taking them all on board and thinking hard about all of this. Keep them coming

System

edit: Also trying to work out why else I might be feeling this way RIGHT NOW. I did mention that this feeling had only come on over the past 2-3 days. It may at least provide more context to know that my husband often works away (he is away most weeks even if only for 1-2 nights), but having been in an LDR for so long before living together/getting married I'm not sure how far I'm just making excuses. I'm therefore often alone in the evenings and naturally this leads to the mind wandering. Even when he is there we don't do romantic things anymore (e.g. romantic meals out, movie nights...) and we are also a little bit at loggerheads (although not in a major blazing row kind of way) over when to have a baby (I'd like to get going sooner, he wants to wait). We also stayed with my parents for 10 days this summer and we've got another 4 nights left of a 10-night stay with his parents. My husband has been spurning my advances during these stays away, which obviously doesn't make for a particularly romantic setting So I'm hoping that as these situations pass, this will too - but equally I'm aware that the root causes need addressing.

Your weak and your vunerable due to circumstance. If you have no intention of leaving your husband you wont be even thinking about meeting this man.. with or without your husband.