Am I being unreasonable.....???

Parisian

Toothsmith wrote: »

It would be interesting to know how many of the people who are saying she's bad for charging you that much actually work in a 'skilled service' job like hairdresser, decorator, plumber, dentist, vet, etc - and how many are in other jobs that aren't of any use to friends & relations!

I am a doctor & I do not charge family members

Ilona

I wish I had a dentist in the family, and a hairdresser, and a car mechanic, and a painter and decorator, and a plumber, and an electrician. Then I could do a bit of bartering, I could swap my skills for theirs. I think she was mean charging that much.
Ilona

sunflower_2

my friend is a hairdresser and has a "mate's rates" treatment list.
all family and friends get charged these rates.

to be honest £35 for a full head of highlights sounds very reasonable to me - certainly what my friend would class as mate's rate.
i can pay double this at a salon.

having said this - i would never dream of charging my mother or m-i-l for anything and would cover the cost of any products to return their constant favours.

mmm my post doesnt help whatsoever does it - will just get my coat...

redwineguzzler

sunflower wrote: »

my friend is a hairdresser and has a "mate's rates" treatment list.
all family and friends get charged these rates.

to be honest £35 for a full head of highlights sounds very reasonable to me - certainly what my friend would class as mate's rate.
i can pay double this at a salon.

having said this - i would never dream of charging my mother or m-i-l for anything and would cover the cost of any products to return their constant favours.

mmm my post doesnt help whatsoever does it - will just get my coat...

I can see what you are saying, but this wasn't even a full head of highlights, in fact not even half, it was just along the parting each side if you know what I mean.......... Generally in the past I have had absolutely no problems with doing anything for them, after all, she is my sons wife, and I wouldn't want to upset either of them........ x

fozziebeartoo

Maybe she felt she COULDN'T say no......

I am 54 and I STILL havent learnt to say no when asked to do something for someone else!

Maybe she thought if she charged that much, you wouldnt ask again.

And she was right!!

redwineguzzler wrote: »

But, I asked her, she had a choice - she could have said no...

redwineguzzler

fozziebeartoo wrote: »

Maybe she felt she COULDN'T say no......

I am 54 and I STILL havent learnt to say no when asked to do something for someone else!

Maybe she thought if she charged that much, you wouldnt ask again.

And she was right!!

Your'e right on one point, I won't be asking her again! Believe me, she isn't the type of girl who would be afraid of saying no!!!!!

Toothsmith

Parisian wrote: »

I am a doctor & I do not charge family members

I'd be more impressed if you didn't charge us the taxpayers for seeing them either!

stormbreaker

Here is perhaps different angle!

You have in the past always been happy to go elsewhere and give someone else the business. Possibly as the same hairdresser had always done your hair or like me you just like the salon experience. Or perhaps you have not wanted to impose before except for a fringe trim, which to be fair for a trained hairdresser is a menial task.

Unknown to you she has perhaps found this difficult to understand, felt hurt, untrusted but not felt comfortable enough to address the matter.

When you ask her, she is taken off guard and agrees. However by the time it comes to doing the work all the pent up hurt, anger and misunderstanding has festered and she has decided to charge you a ' normal ' clients rate.

You all need to sit down and talk. I don't think the money is the issue here. Although she may think it is as you were happy to home colour but when it came to something a bit different that a salon would charge a lot for you turned to her.

hannah899

I agree with storm breaker. for the 9 years shes been your DIL you have gone to a salon, she may feel you thought she wasn't capable of doing a satisfactory job.
Also she may be a bit peeved that you just assumed she would do it for cost. Maybe if when you asked you said " how much would it cot for you to do this to my hair if I buy all the stuff" She may have said just throw me £10 or ill do it for nothing.
I don't think she's in the wrong but to just assume you'd be happy to be in all day to wait for packages and furniture and then when you want a favour she charges is a bit of a gut punch ( imo ) although I wouldn't bring up the sunday lunch because that could end up biting you on the bum because she may turn round and say that she only comes because your son wants to and shed be happy to go/do something else.

I don't think I would have charged personally there is things id rather not do that my mum and nan ask me to do and offer to pay me I always refuse payment. because that's what family do.
I doubt ive been much help as its a bit sat on the fence but I think you are both could have maybe handled it abit differently

Blackjack2013

Hmm, this is a tricky one. She has obviously put a foot wrong but perhaps not intentionally. The self-tutelage of Freelancing 101 states that you must get over the awkwardness of asking for money, or you don't make ends meet (because everyone wants a favour when they know you're freeleance).

Seems to me like perhaps she misapplied a rule, and should have been a bit more generous. I hope the smoke settles quickly.