Potential Arguement over Money...

Bennifred

Whilst I think it is lovely if families want to and can afford to contribute to their childrens' weddings, I don't think it should be expected - from either side.

If a couple wants a wedding, they should expect to pay for it, and that way they can have what and whom they want (within budget, of course!)

ska_lover

I do not understand why people who choose to get wed, expect either set of parents to fund their life style choices?

I think, if you want a big wedding, you should fund it - that does have benefits in that you can choose exactly what you want. If you cannot afford it, have a simpler wedding.

Skintski

I don't understand why you would assume they should be contributing towards your wedding. It's lovely that one side of the family has contributed so you should be grateful for that rather than looking for the other side to match it.

themull1

Grow a pair of balls, write your own guest list, give a copy to each set of inlaws and tell them that is it!

Dunroamin

Are your in laws quite traditional and see it as the role of the bride's parents to pay for the wedding?

floss2

Moomin21 wrote: »

....My parents have agreed to pay for the majority of the wedding (we are paying for the dresses and suits) which is very kind of them indeed. They would prefer if the inlaws contributed but they don't want an arguement of any kind, and dont particularly want to talk to my in laws because they don't like them that much and don't like confrontation. so they said they would pay for it.

However, the more I think about it the more angry I am that they havent offered any money, especially coz i'm inviting about 30 people, and about 100 are coming from their side. it makes me not want to have a wedding because I feel so guilty that my parents are paying so much money for, basically, their family to have a meal. also, the whole wedding is about what they want and none of it is what i want so i feel even more guilty that my parents are paying for something I didnt even want!!...

Why can't your OH speak to his parents and say "Sorry, but the budget that we have from Moomin's parents & ourselves won't stretch far enough for your 100 guests. However, if you'd like to contribute, I'm sure Moomin's parents will happily share the costs and then we can have the same number of guests on both sides to make it fair".

cats2012

What's the financial situation of your in laws? maybe they can't afford to contribute??? this was true for my OH's parents, not that we'd have expected anything anyway.

74jax

In another of your posts you say you are have 120 guests, 30 are yours and the rest are other people's partners and members of a brass band......

I would start by writing YOUR guest list, thanking your parents for their contribution and using that for maybe cars/photographer.

YOU pay for your 30 and if either side would like anyone - then ONLY if you agree they can come - they pay for them.

Its your wedding day, don't let your parents dictate what to do. You pay and you have control, if your folks want to buy you your dress/cars etc then that's fine, similarly if his don't that's also fine.

sulphate

What is your in laws financial situation? I personally think that parents should contribute to the cost of their child's wedding if and only if they can afford it. Come on, most people if they had rich parents would feel a bit slighted if they didn't contribute anything. Especially if said parents had a pricey wedding largely funded by their own parents. If the parents can't afford it that's entirely different and they shouldn't be expected to pay.

And 30 people from your side, that's not exactly a big wedding from your side and I totally understand that your parents may not want to fund the entire cost of 100 people who they have never met.

Make sure you do NOT have a wedding that's not "you" especially if your in laws don't contribute anything and end up controlling a lot of it, you will end up regretting it and becoming resentful more so than you are now. Tread carefully though if they do end up contributing they may not do so without obligation i.e they may expect something done their way.

Has your other half broached the topic with his family at all- have they just not offered, or have they already said they can't contribute?

I suggest you go to both sets of parents with a guest list that ia either equal or close to i.e 30-40 people each side. If they protest tell them that the budget will not stretch to accommodate everyone from their side. I would not suggest that you talk to your in laws about this, it needs to come from your other half.

ognum

sulphate wrote: »

What is your in laws financial situation? I personally think that parents should contribute to the cost of their child's wedding if and only if they can afford it. Come on, most people if they had rich parents would feel a bit slighted if they didn't contribute anything. Especially if said parents had a pricey wedding largely funded by their own parents. If the parents can't afford it that's entirely different and they shouldn't be expected to pay.

And 30 people from your side, that's not exactly a big wedding from your side and I totally understand that your parents may not want to fund the entire cost of 100 people who they have never met.

Make sure you do NOT have a wedding that's not "you" especially if your in laws don't contribute anything and end up controlling a lot of it, you will end up regretting it and becoming resentful more so than you are now. Tread carefully though if they do end up contributing they may not do so without obligation i.e they may expect something done their way.

Has your other half broached the topic with his family at all- have they just not offered, or have they already said they can't contribute?

I suggest you go to both sets of parents with a guest list that ia either equal or close to i.e 30-40 people each side. If they protest tell them that the budget will not stretch to accommodate everyone from their side. I would not suggest that you talk to your in laws about this, it needs to come from your other half.

The parents you are talking about may well have already contributed to helping their children while at uni, helping with buying a car and also large chunks of cash helping to buy a home for their offspring.

I would happily pay for those three with an understanding that they pay for the wedding!