dilemma

tutington_2

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

But that is a relationship really? Casual all the same, but it is one? Talking, going out, sex, open to each other? Many online daters keep family and friends out of it for a longggg time. (Wise). Still maintaining a relationship.

You've even described it as a relationship yourself. You can't ask for exclusivity on one hand, then say you are open to dating others, or they are in the future.
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It isn't. It is two people who have sex and are friendly to each other. A relationship in my mind is the one where you hope to build more and are not bothered if you hear 'I'm falling for you'. You do introduce that person to family and friends, because you want them to meet the person. Also you feel like you're falling in love....not running away. To be direct, I don't really feel much now, at most it's sexual attraction and the need to talk.

tinkerbell28

tutington wrote: »

I am not fragile, I don't think so anyway. I am relieved and happy that I managed to get out of a relationship that was bad for me. It took me two years of trying to patch things that broke irreversibly, but when there are kids, not easy to leave.

I do, however, need a break, emotionally.

You said you need to heal, that is where I presumed you were fragile. I don't think I was far off if you need a break emotionally.

You've got to be quite strong IMO to use online dating. You get quick at weeding out really clingy and stalkerish types, married men and those who just want a shag.

I honestly think you need to decide what you want. As the nutcases I am sure have a radar for women who need time out. Sending out mixed signals kind of encourages that.

Plus if you are needing time out emotionally. What happens when/if you find a "casual" confidante. You chat, go out for dinner, open yourselves to each other, have a sexual relationship. Nothing emotional, he just turns up, takes you out, has a chat, has sex then goes home.

Then BANG he starts dating someone else? Or wants to? As that was the goalposts of your relationship. A relationship, but not an actual relationship, just friendly conversation, with sex thrown in and the idea that one day, you both may date others? The whole **** buddies thing again, I'd say is for people who are 100% sure of what they want and the boundaries.

tutington_2

@tinkerbell: I think there's a term for that: serial monogamy

Jokes aside, yes perhaps I do need to clarify to myself then to potential 'friends' where I'm at. I thought I was doing that though...

tinkerbell28

tutington wrote: »

@tinkerbell: I think there's a term for that: serial monogamy

Jokes aside, yes perhaps I do need to clarify to myself then to potential 'friends' where I'm at. I thought I was doing that though...

You wouldn't have got as far as you have with some of the nutters you've seen if so