dilemma

tinkerbell28

Online dating is a minefield. A high % of people do have dates in quick succession, or date multiple people. As until you have that exclusive, monogamous, relationship, chat. Then you're dating, not in a relationship.

If you need time to heal, step away from Internet dating. You don't want a relationship, yet want exclusivity? I don't think you can ask that.

You're either going to attract the nutty, clingy, sociopath types, or marrieds or singles for a quick leg over. Who see you as perfect to their needs. I found the real, decent men. Don't want the sex, without the security of a relationship, on a regular basis. Not usually.

Online dating is brutal, really. I got married from it though many years ago :cool:

BitterAndTwisted

I think what the OP wants is dating without making a commitment to a permanent and exclusive relationship before the time feels right. That doesn't seem to much to ask to me. Blimey, some people date for years without being inextricably joined at the hip.

paulineb_2

tutington wrote: »

@Lagoon: surely there must be someone out there who is looking for something similar? A man who's not necessarily 'sleeping around' and is happy to have one sexual partner, with no commitment. Someone perhaps in the same boat, out of a long term.


Ps. My child is completely kept out of it.

Its the no commitment that will put a lot of people off. And tbh, someone else just out of a long term? Could be a recipe for absolute disaster unless you both have sorted out the baggage from previous relationships.

Poppy9

One of my friends used on line dating for quite a while. She did find some men were desperate for a relationship and "loved her" within weeks of knowing her and would then randomly cool!

One who was "separated" wasn't and his wife rang the office.

But she perservered and has been with a fab man for the last 18 months. From the off he introduced her to his circle of friends, which the cheats didn't, he doesn't have huge baggage, he's respectful of family boundaries and he treats her well and makes her happy.

tinkerbell28

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I think what the OP wants is dating without making a commitment to a permanent and exclusive relationship before the time feels right. That doesn't seem to much to ask to me. Blimey, some people date for years without being inextricably joined at the hip.

No it isn't a lot to ask. But if she does not want to make the commitment to an exclusive, permanent relationship. She can't expect the same from a partner. Which is her issue here, she'll meet the wrong types.

A lot of grown, decent men are not into the **** buddy scenario, which is what op is after. If she is fragile, she'll end up making herself worse.

tutington_2

Ok I seem to have difficulties in articulating what I'm looking for: a friendly relationship where we could talk to each other, perhaps go out once in a while, have sex (preferably exclusively), but keep family and friends out of it. We would be open to each other and communicate if we do feel like starting to date others.

I actually have a friend who would be up for it - he says he's too busy for a relationship as he's a workaholic trying to build a business - but unfortunately lives in NYC.

tinkerbell28

tutington wrote: »

Ok I seem to have difficulties in articulating what I'm looking for: a friendly relationship where we could talk to each other, perhaps go out once in a while, have sex (preferably exclusively), but keep family and friends out of it. We would be open to each other and communicate if we do feel like starting to date others.

I actually have a friend who would be up for it - he says he's too busy for a relationship as he's a workaholic trying to build a business - but unfortunately lives in NYC.

But that is a relationship really? Casual all the same, but it is one? Talking, going out, sex, open to each other? Many online daters keep family and friends out of it for a longggg time. (Wise). Still maintaining a relationship.

You've even described it as a relationship yourself. You can't ask for exclusivity on one hand, then say you are open to dating others, or they are in the future.

I think personally, you really need to sit down and think what it is you want. As sending out mixed signals with attract nut cases, as you have found.

paulineb_2

tutington wrote: »

Ok I seem to have difficulties in articulating what I'm looking for: a friendly relationship where we could talk to each other, perhaps go out once in a while, have sex (preferably exclusively), but keep family and friends out of it. We would be open to each other and communicate if we do feel like starting to date others.

I actually have a friend who would be up for it - he says he's too busy for a relationship as he's a workaholic trying to build a business - but unfortunately lives in NYC.

I think you'll struggle with that. Some men will want more, others will just want a shag.

And I understand where you are coming from because for many reasons, people don't always want commitment even in the short term, but most people will want a relationship to move on at some stage, beyond just dating and certainly meet family and friends.

Some people will just want sex but you need to be prepared to be on the very edge of someones life if its just going to be sex.

Also, it looks like you know what you want and are looking for someone to fit that, why not just stay single for a while and see what happens rather than try and find this man who wants exactly the same as you do.

tutington_2

I am not fragile, I don't think so anyway. I am relieved and happy that I managed to get out of a relationship that was bad for me. It took me two years of trying to patch things that broke irreversibly, but when there are kids, not easy to leave.

I do, however, need a break, emotionally.

Lagoon

tutington wrote: »

I am not fragile, I don't think so anyway. I am relieved and happy that I managed to get out of a relationship that was bad for me. It took me two years of trying to patch things that broke irreversibly, but when there are kids, not easy to leave.

I do, however, need a break, emotionally.

Then why not actually take a break, rather than navigating the world of online dating and trying for casual sex?