Why don't I know them?

WeAreGhosts

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a cutesy, all-seeing, all-knowing granny like you get in the movies.

The main point is that they did everything for my two cousins and nothing for me. If they had ignored my two cousins then we'd all be even, wouldn't we? I compare what my cousins had with what I had and conclude that I've been treated totally different and I can't see any rreason why.

I've taken plenty of steps. Up until fairly recently I saw my gran every week. Did some shopping for her, made meals, bought random things she needed, weeded the garden, helped with paperwork and so on. I was a dutiful granddaughter and did all this while listening to how wonderful my cousins are.

Kynthia

Do you know if she tells them how wonderful you are when you aren't around? Some people are rubbish at expressing deeper emotions directly to the person involved but sing your praises when you aren't around?

Remember that you only share one side of your family with these cousins. I assume they also have aunts, uncles and grandparents you aren't related to. Are you any closer to your mum's side of the family?

WeAreGhosts

Kynthia wrote: »

Do you know if she tells them how wonderful you are when you aren't around? Some people are rubbish at expressing deeper emotions directly to the person involved but sing your praises when you aren't around?

Yeah, i guess she might do.

Kynthia wrote: »

Remember that you only share one side of your family with these cousins. I assume they also have aunts, uncles and grandparents you aren't related to. Are you any closer to your mum's side of the family?

Yep, they do and of course I don't know them well at all, i wouldn't expect to., but they know most of my gran's family but i don't. even though, ironically, i'm the one who is interested in the family history.

My mum's family have never been in my life.

NAR

For goodness sake ask what the issue is and find out from the horse's mouth. She hasn't been that close = do you think asking her would make it worse?

19lottie82

could have been a non blood relation 'auntie", as in one of their parents best friends?

seabright

WeAreGhosts wrote: »

The thing that's really peeing me off at the moment is I see my gran a few times a month, sometimes less, and I get sarky comments from her like 'I'd forgotten what you looked like'.
I have to bite my tongue every time. even when i am at her house she never really has a conversation with me and goes on about what my cousins are up to and how wonderful they are.

And for some reason i have to forgive her because 'she's old'. She wasnt always old.

You don't have to forgive her "because she's old". Being old doesn't make someone automatically nice, nor automatically deserving of your respect.

Talk to your parents first, then, if that diesn't give you the answers you are looking for, ask her next time you get a sarky "I'd forgotten what you look like" type comment. Be polite, factual and firm.

Kayalana99

I would just ask her, sounds like you have done alot for her. End day if you feel like cutting her out of your life wouldn't you want some answars first? What have you got to lose by asking her?

Faith177

Could it be a case of your nan playing you off against your cousins.

This is what happens sometimes in my family my nan will go on and on about how wonderful my two cousins are while making sarky comments like "they never see me now they have moved" (I work two jobs they live 120 miles away and I don't drive. Before they lived a 20 min tube journey away and my husband was working here now he works 80 miles away only gets one evening off) "I hardly ever phone" (their always on the phone to someone else) ect ect

It was really beginning to get on my nerves because before they moved nearer my cousins try did nothing for them. My mum mentioned something about it to my Aunt and turns out she was doing the same thing to my cousins that's why they don't speak to me cause their sick of me and how perfect me and my husband are being rammed down their throats

Prothet_of_Doom

Can I suggest that now you are grown up, that you create a family tree, and make a plan to visit all your relatives in the next 12 months, and find out all thier birthday dates and send cards, and start sending emails or letters. And invite them all to stay with you.

My great aunt died recently, and I was somewhat surprised to find she'd left me a 1/45th share of her estate, despite the fact that I'd not seen her in 25 years. It is a regret that I did so little to keep in touch.

floss2

Perhaps it was a relative from the other side of your cousins family? eg. my cousins have cousins who are not related to me & my siblings, because they are from their mothers' families (we're related through our fathers being brothers).

Or, despite being adults, we still have people we call Aunty xx & Uncle xx - my godfather & his wife, and my parents oldest friends. Could it have been someone like this, who is a friend to your cousins' family but not necessarily to yours?