first week, only 5 to go

maman

cutestkids wrote: »

I think that these quotes are all very rude nobody is attacking you personally just showing different views so why do you feel the need to get all defensive and be rude to people.

To suggest that someone finds something else to post about on a public forum is very rude.

cte1111 wrote: »

No offence to anyone, but this is the problem with old people on MSE, they are obviously so bored with their lives than they spend their days criticizing younger people. When I'm old, I'm sure that I will have such a splendid active life that I won't have time for such negative behaviour.

Ah the good old days....

So starting with no offence but..... and then being hugely offensive is OK?? You may not like my opinion but this is it:

I read your thread yesterday. I do have a slight concern that you may be depressed and/or lonely that's why you found the prospect of looking after your own children so daunting. You seem highly critical of all the grandparents because they choose not to provide childcare. Your DH seems to be doing his best considering he works long hours. You also seem to have fallen into the trap of trying to occupy your children 24/7.

That's your situation. Posters (young and old?) have given you advice on how to organise yourself and your children.

It's advice, genuinely offered. If you don't want to take it then that's your choice but don't be surprised when posters get frustrated with you. Looking after 3 children when you have nothing else to do but housework is IMO no big deal.

Lunar_Eclipse

My girls are now 11 and 13 and we all love the holidays. That said, I did find them stressful when they were much younger and DH worked all Summer so I did the holidays alone.

When they were younger, we had a loose schedule of what we would do during the holiday. The kids loved it. We've never done expensive outings. My guideline was always a day out followed by a day at home. So at a minimum, I'd plan to go out on Tuesdays & Thursdays. We'd visit the beach, friends, a new park with a picnic, take the fishing nets to the river, National Trust place, free museum in London etc. We did most of this with one or two friends with their children. We also planned a few activities at home, such as junk modelling, picnic supper in a den, putting up & playing in the tent, sprinkler fun and garden art (pictures on the ground from twigs, moss etc.) My almost 12 year old still enjoys doing this, plus designing her own board games etc; she's very creative. I didn't do these activities with the girls, they were simply options of how they could spend their time. My oldest has always been a bookworm, the youngest has always created and is very active (plays lots of sport.)

Nowadays I expect the kids to entertain themselves and they are much better at doing it, knowing what they enjoy doing and when they feel like an active or inactive day. They are currently cooking pancakes for breakfast (teenage late schedule is well and truly here!) whilst I am still upstairs.

I strongly suggest printing out a 'calendar' and putting a few things on it. Sign the children up to the Summer reading scheme at the library (we always used to go weekly), look into any sports/crafts activities available locally (we did the free playscheme at Church for years), consider cheap cinema sessions, a special swimming place, a new park, bike rides and anything else you might fancy. Occasionally we've done one big treat (like Legoland or similar) during the holiday, but not typically.

I am currently housebound with a broken leg, so with the exception of a family pub lunch and park trip with a friend, mine have spent the whole first week & 2 weekends at home. They've done some gardening, read a lot, become Scrabble champs and built a whole new village with all our Lego & Playmobil. Youngest has also 'produced' a magazine. It has been very relaxed.

Good luck!

Poppy9

cte1111 wrote: »

No offence to anyone, but this is the problem with old people on MSE, they are obviously so bored with their lives than they spend their days criticizing younger people. When I'm old, I'm sure that I will have such a splendid active life that I won't have time for such negative behaviour.

Ah the good old days....

Are you for real. What about if I as an older poster asked if younger parents time could be better spent interacting with their children instead of on MSE making rude and childish digs at posters that have an opinion that differs to their own.

Perhaps you should familiarise yourself with how an "open" forum works. An OP asks a question/invites opinions and people respond. Sometimes you won't like their response, sometimes they will give you food for thought, sometimes you will learn something new.

meritaten

my mum ALWAYS did her housework - as a child I thought it completely normal that parents didn't play with their kids. They did housework and it was really important! looking back, I wonder how the hell she managed to make housework stretch out all day - we lived in Nans house and she only had one room and one bedroom to 'work'! Dad worked down the pit so wore one set of work clothes all week - those got washed on Sat morning (I can still remember the smell!).
The shop was directly opposite us - so it took her about ten minutes to 'do the daily shop'. besides which it was one of my jobs to run over to the shop with a list - mum would pay at the end of the week.
I cannot remember one occasion she played with me. I was usually shooed out with the words 'Go and play - you are getting under my feet, and I am busy'!
hardly fond childhood memories!

I was gobsmacked when I went to play at a friends house and his mum joined in!

raq

mcja wrote: »

As usual Valk_Scot, well said!! My house goes to rack and ruin over the holidays with the first day back a massive cleaning day (having said that the tutors coming later so I best put the Hoover round!!).

My kids stuff only gets ironed if they have stuffed it in a drawer when tidying their rooms, and its unwearable and they need it now..otherwise I have better things to do, like get out the house!!

Morning

Yes I also do agree with usual valk scot.

I am enjoying reading some of the replies and will definately action some of them.

We are walking down the park within the next hour ( it is a little quiet at this time so I can see my youngest and not panic )

My oldest daughter has her friend over, which she isn,t any trouble at all and plus my two boys love her over here

raq

cte1111 wrote: »

I specifically didn't say I resent my Mother for doing childcare on her own terms. In fact she does not childcare for us and never has. I pay a friend to babysit for us if we want to go out. I was trying to help the OP come to terms with her disappointment with her parents.

This thread has evidently attracted older people who are desperate to have a dig at parents. If you haven't got anything constructive to add, then maybe find something else to post about.

Just the comment on the babysitting.

Going back to last year we had a wedding party in the evening and was really looking forward to going as a couple. Asked my mum a good few weeks before hand, said I will let you know. Getting closer to the time she didn,t let me know so we asked a good friend of ours who was more than willing to help. The next day my mum got really funny with us.... I just feel like we can,t win..

raq

Janepig wrote: »

On the ironing thing, I don't bother doing the kids clothes any more, or most of mine tbh. DH likes his t-shirts ironed (although I tell him not to bother) so he does his own, and he does his own work trousers because stupidly I'm useless at getting the crease right (double crease - fail!!). I iron him a shirt for every day for work though. School uniform generally dries flat too. Once all the kids clothes are dry they get put away and then if they need a quick press before wearing then I'll run the iron over them then, but mostly they're fine.

It's a huge time saver.

Jx

Hi there

We don,t use a tumble dryer as it tends too discolour some of the clothes. We got a big old fashioned washing line, which is great. On sunday some of the uniform didn,t need ironing so I patted them as flat as I could and put them in the kids bottom draw ready for next year. That was a a good few items out of the way.

My little one is just down in the garden, I am gonna call him up , get ready and as mentioned going to the park for a bit.

Somebody else mentioned about their child hood and I must admit mine was a pretty good one. I am going back to the early 70,s when you could go out at 9 am and back at 4 pm for your tea and be SAFE. Fabulous days and in life that is all I wish for with my 3 children, enjoy being with them and being safe.

raq

mcja wrote: »

Hmm...I'm 34, have 2 children and live 2.5hours away from grandparents. I live in a city where many people have their parents on the doorstep and not once have I complained about not having sitters on tap. We have done it on our own and we are proud of that.

Op did imply that they resent their mum for her lack of help and support. They either have to accept that or talk to her. My FIL is having the children for me for 2 hours next week so me and SMIL can go food shopping for our holiday, that's the first time in 9 years!!

MCJA (& kids)

Honestly don,t think I resent my mum, she is my rock and honestly believe if my dad wasn,t so moody and had little patience I know she would as she adores being with us.

Enjoy your shopping:)

raq

2gorgeousgirls wrote: »

I have a 13 and 10 year old and have 5 weeks off in the summer with them and its not enough.

I'm very conscious that the 13 year old will prob not want to be seen with me next summer so am trying to make the most of this one.

When I get stressed, which we all do over the summer holidays, I remind myself that this is a short time and a time to spend with the girls that I will never get back again.

I am lucky in that my husband will take the girls for a cycle or walk in the evenings or round to granny's for an hour and I relish that hour. I literally sit in front of the telly.

I also have a far more relaxed attitude to housework in the summer. As long as the bathrooms and kitchen are clean, then I ignore the dust and untidiness (which to anyone who knows me is a shock as I am usually very fussy about having the house clean and (fairly) tidy). Enough time for that when the girls are back at school and the weather has turned.

I actually find that at their age there is very little "minding" to do. They are both old enough to amuse themselves, get themselves snacks etc and also having a friend around occasionally which keeps them amused. We also live in a quiet town and I have no qualms about letting them go to the shops, cinema, library, pool etc by themselves so again can get a couple of hours to myself.

They have also both been invited to sleepovers, luckily on the same night so I had a full 24 hours "off duty". Although we had a sleepover in return so no sleep that night!

Honestly, you will get through this. Try to relax and enjoy the time you have with them, it won't be long until you're looking back wishing they were children again.

Thanks for your lovely post.

Honestly, hand on heart I do enjoy being with them and you are correct, life just goes by so quickly. Think my issue is my mum and my ds with his difficulties and his lack of understanding on the odd day. Sometimes you feel everybody is looking at you and probably wanders " What is wrong with that little boy". Might just be me and maybe they aren,t looking at us and their lives are so busy.

Lunar_Eclipse

raq wrote: »

I am going back to the early 70,s when you could go out at 9 am and back at 4 pm for your tea and be SAFE.

Whilst it clearly depends on location, it is still like that where we live and the children can do just that.

I actually think it is safer in many ways, because there are better park areas in which to play (less loitering?) and lots of children have mobile phones on them to use in an emergency.