Help advice or just shoulder to cry on.

whitewing

Your idea of 3 days work a week seems quite a good one to me, despite the drop in money.

Or could your in laws come and live on your house during August to look after your wife and the children thro the holidays, while you stay at work.

Have you got the health worker out this week? Would be a good idea to chat things through with her. Perhaps you can bullet point a list of issues, sometimes that will help people realise the severity of it all. Also bullet point your own suggestions eg dropping hours and the issues around that so that people can see that you are doing your damndest.

You could also perhaps contact some family solicitors to see what, if any, assistance there may be for your daughter. Sometimes, but I am not sure of the circumstances, children may be entitled to help in their own right.

Bluepen_2

Thanks for all the replies, so good ideas there to work. Some doable some not so.

We've been back to docs, up'ed her antidepressants tabs, made an appointment for 1 on 1 therapy which think includes some CBT.

Now just need to speak to boss about part time work and hopefully we can sort something.

I said that I'm going part time regardless to the fact that she doesn't like the idea. She says that she will stay and try and get better, think she knows that if she doesn't try then the door will be open.

I must put my children first.

hardpressed

Have you contacted Homestart, you may have to do it through your health visitor. They have volunteers who can spend time with your wife to help with the children. Not sure about Crossroads they may be able to help.

Mojisola

cte1111 wrote: »

I can see how hard you are finding things. However can I just point out - your wife is ill, both mentally and physically. You promised to stay with her in sickness and in health, yet you say "'I'm at my wits end, I just want to throw my wife out and tell her to sort herself out!".

Your wife can't cope with looking after the children. You need to accept whatever help social services and any other organisations can offer. You've got a week at home to sort some of this out, best to concentrate on dealing with the situation as it is, rather than resenting your wife for what she can't help.

If it's a choice between keeping a child safe and sticking to the marriage vows, the child comes first in my view.

Having lived with ME for many years and having helped run our local support group, I have some insight into how your wife feels. Emotional lability is a very common feature of ME and this, overlapping with depression, can lead to uncontrollable outbursts.

Has your wife come to terms with having ME? In my experience, the people who struggle to accept the limitations of the illness are the ones who have most frustration and emotional outbursts. Most people go through a kind of grieving process for the life they had before they accept the changes they have to make.

ME still isn't accepted as a real illness by some medical people. I wonder if this is why your family hasn't been offered the help you need? What's your GP's attitude to your wife's ME?

Have you had any contact with the national organisations like the ME Association - https://www.meassociation.org.uk/?page_id=1091

Poppy_Jane_Parka

Hi Bluepen, so sorry to hear of your situation- have you tried looking at Barnado's website- they may be able to put you in touch/offer support with accessing agencies that support children where there is mental health issues in the family. maybe even the Princess Royal Trust for Carers as they can help you and DS DD access respite/support from the stress at home. agree with Mojisola, child safety is paramount in first instance. Please update us on how you are. support is always here.
Poppy

19lottie82

OP, I agree with the other poster, if you only earn £16k, you will be entitled to tax credits and child benefit.

June_Cambridge

Hi Bluepen, haven't heard from you for a while, how are things with you now?

kboss2010

It sounds like your wife needs to be in a hospital and, if I were you, I would get myself and my children somewhere she can't hurt any of you until she can prove that she can be trusted.

Yes, your wife is mentally Ill and it's not her fault so get her help and support where you can, but I think she's shown that she can't be trusted with your children. Think about it this way, if you were your daughter and lived in constant fear of being attacked, would you be ok with it because you knew your abuser was ill? Or would you be miserable and scared? Add to that the fact that this person is your mother whom you love and don't want to see harmed. It must be incredibly hard for her at a young age. She won't understand but she may well come to blame you in years to come if you don't act.

I really feel for your situation. Have you spoken to your daughter about it? Be there for her and let her know she can be honest with you about how she feels living with her mum. She might not be able to completely understand but she needs to know you're her "safe person". If she's living in constant fear then you need to make the tough decision and get your kids out before they end up emotionally or physically scarred.

Do you have parents she could stay with? Your in-laws don't sound like they're dealing very well with their daughter's illness and the last thing your daughter needs is to be made to feel worse because, dollars to doughnuts, they'll be telling her that her mummy misses her etc.

Yes, your daughter is young but kids are perceptive. They pick up on everything. I know someone who was in this situation. In the end the husband left and moved away, the wife was hospitalised and the kids were brought up by granny.

squashy

Have you spoken to the children's school? You could ask them about instigate a CAF process which is way before social services, but will hopefully get the relevant agencies on board in order to work out how best to support the children.