Help advice or just shoulder to cry on.

kelpie35

I think what you have suggested Daisy is the road that the OP needs to investigate too.

No person should have to cope with this amount of stress and also hold down a full time job.

I also am not a advocate of life on benefits but in this case this is a genuine example of how the state should support this family.

Bluepen_2

Oh well, thought I'd come up with a solution. My plan was to work part time 2 weekdays and 1 day at weekend. DD would be in nursery and either sis or grandparents to have her when I work my 1 day at w/e.

Wife doesn't want me to and just sat there like a naught school child, yes I was tactful about the whole thing. But she wont even admit there's a problem. She's worry about loss of life style! I said that doesn't matter what matters is the children, families make a home not the stuff that's in it.

She just doesn't seem to care!

Good job I have a week off, DD in nursery Monday, so time to pick up the phone to MIND and alike. God this is horrible.

kelpie35

Also remember your health visitor and social worker.
You will probably not be able to get advice/help till Monday.
In the meantime can you write down all the help you require to help you function as a family and let them know how difficult life is at present.

I hope things get a bit easier for you and the children.

cte1111

I can see how hard you are finding things. However can I just point out - your wife is ill, both mentally and physically. You promised to stay with her in sickness and in health, yet you say "'I'm at my wits end, I just want to throw my wife out and tell her to sort herself out!".

Your wife can't cope with looking after the children. You need to accept whatever help social services and any other organisations can offer. You've got a week at home to sort some of this out, best to concentrate on dealing with the situation as it is, rather than resenting your wife for what she can't help.

DomRavioli

Hi OP,

I feel very harsh when saying this, but have you looked into getting your partner some in-patient care for her mental health issue, as from what I have read she has assaulted one of your children, and is possibly having delusions about hating one of the children. By this I mean voluntarily, not under a section - I am quite concerned that if it carries on escalating that she may be removed against her will - I have seen it all too many times, and she doesn't seem to be getting much support from the health and social care providers who are supposed to be looking after her.

It seems like a harsh step, but if she gets the help she needs, then it can only be a good thing for everyone involved, especially you, your OH and the kids.

If she won't go in voluntarily, or you don't feel like you can do that, then maybe get her to see a mental health specialist - it doesn't sound like classic depression, and it seems like noone is coping; it really doesn't have to be that way at all.

I do hope you find the strength to keep on fighting, and you won't take my comments too harshly - I am only thinking of your family unit and what may give the best long term outcomes.

Bluepen_2

cte1111 wrote: »

I can see how hard you are finding things. However can I just point out - your wife is ill, both mentally and physically. You promised to stay with her in sickness and in health, yet you say "'I'm at my wits end, I just want to throw my wife out and tell her to sort herself out!".

Your wife can't cope with looking after the children. You need to accept whatever help social services and any other organisations can offer. You've got a week at home to sort some of this out, best to concentrate on dealing with the situation as it is, rather than resenting your wife for what she can't help.

Lets remember, this is the 3rd time she has assaulted our daughter. If I was the one doing the abusing I'm sure she would have thrown me out long ago! Quite rightly so.

I have accepted the very little help from social, 15 hours free child care! As for help with depression she went and saw a specialist who said that it's on going depression and referred us to lift.awp .nhs .uk/. She filled in their survey and they said it was quite high and she should go and see her doctor! Round in circles, very little support there.

Bluepen_2

DomRavioli wrote: »

Hi OP,

I feel very harsh when saying this, but have you looked into getting your partner some in-patient care for her mental health issue, as from what I have read she has assaulted one of your children, and is possibly having delusions about hating one of the children. By this I mean voluntarily, not under a section - I am quite concerned that if it carries on escalating that she may be removed against her will - I have seen it all too many times, and she doesn't seem to be getting much support from the health and social care providers who are supposed to be looking after her.

It seems like a harsh step, but if she gets the help she needs, then it can only be a good thing for everyone involved, especially you, your OH and the kids.

If she won't go in voluntarily, or you don't feel like you can do that, then maybe get her to see a mental health specialist - it doesn't sound like classic depression, and it seems like noone is coping; it really doesn't have to be that way at all.

I do hope you find the strength to keep on fighting, and you won't take my comments too harshly - I am only thinking of your family unit and what may give the best long term outcomes.

Thanks I will look into getting her some more help, she is seeing a therapist privately one hour a week, which is slowly helping but only been to about 5 sessions so far. So still early days, yes she has issues with daughter from relationship with her own mother.

Just reread your post with a clearer head.

Wife wanted to be admitted to hospital back in Sept when she first had her "breakdown" but emergency mental health team said that the only hospitals around have some very serious ill people in them and that being in a loving home, surrounded by people who love her would be a better place. My wife at the time said that all she wanted was piece and quiet and to be held and told that things would get better.

So very little chance of her being admitted I feel.

brenda10

Bluepen seems like your wife has a hatred towards just one of your children, does she also control you, is this something more, dare I suggest she has some kind of ????pd disorder, only going on what you are telling me, she is abusing her child, you are quite right in saying if you did so, seems like you do everything and get abuse also. I am not diagnosing but looking at what you are telling me there is something badly wrong, does your wife have a community pshychiatric nurse visit regular for support, this should be available and sounds very necessary. I have a medical background but these are only my thoughts on your dilemma. Your child is very vulnerable. Take care and I hope all works out for you.

ethan12

it is difficult to continue job with mounting mental stress. your wife is also going through a serious mental disorder and gives vent to her feeling especially on kids. your wife needs to see a psychiatrist who can help her with her stress. hope you get a solution of all this problem soon

Kayalana99

Sorry i noticed you said you earn 16,000 so arent entitled to any benfits.. you are actally claiming child tax credits and child benifits I assume? I get £220 a month tax credits + £80 for 1 child and a joint income of 20,000.

If you left your wife (I am not sure how this works other wise I see it as thier are two parents they dont pay this but I might be wrong? ) you would also be entitled to 70% of nursery fees paid so you wouldn't have to quit your job.

Also wife is entitied to 50% of the house yes, but if you are the sole carer of your child she can't force you out of the house till shes 18.

Sorry I don't have much advice on the relationship side as its obvouis she needs help but just giving you your options x