Working with a young family

SmlSave

Re the sleeping our DS's bedtime was 6pm for over the first year easily as he was tired then it slowly became 6:30 then 7 which it is now (he's 3 soon)

He definitely follows the 'sleep begets sleep' motto as he still naps in the day. If he's overtired then we get a disrupted night sleep as he seems unable to get into a deep sleep.

flutterby_lil

Matt007 wrote: »

I am very lucky to work for a firm who offers flexi working, it may be worth speaking to your employer to see if this is something you can do so you can work some days longer and others shorter. Also, see if it is possible to work from home for a day a week or an afternoon. Communicating the struggles with your employer is key as they won't want to lose you! Hope this helps.

Not if you work where I do, they don't give a monkeys and are quite happy to lose staff!

duchy

themull1 wrote: »

I have two kids and i dont think that theyve ever gone to bed at 6, and certainly non of their friends went that early. Its not necessarily waking naturally, kids wake up if they need the loo etc, i'm not suprised being in bed that long.

Not sure I follow your logic -surely that would mean sleeping for less not more ?
Mine would wake - head to the loo on auto pilot and back to bed - didn't even seem to wake up fully (obviously this was post potty training)

DigForVictory

Well done both wanting to spend time with little un & with being ready to take a pay cut (if that's what it takes) to get it.

Be careful about bedtimes - some babies conk out comprehensively at 6pm & others at 2am. If your little coot is a lark, can you get in later after an hour quality time with coot? If coot is an owl (hoping you know what I mean!) then you returning later than ideal may mean you get the through til midnight shift whilst Herself gets her head down early.

In the meantime, talk to your employers (& possibly union) about alternative working patterns, so you do bonkers hours Mon-Thu & have a long weekend? If they're hardcore stay til it's done presentee so-&-sos then no matter what you say, they are not going to help, so you may as well burnish your cv & make it clear that you put coot before them, as you leave.

The Americans have realised it's costing them a packet to be uncooperative with returning parents - here's hoping the penny drops here in the UK soon!

All the very best & hoping now the tax year frenzy is calming down, they may be ready to step back & think a bit.

snit_girl

It's definitely your employers attitude that's very wrong here. I'm also an accountant but I work for a bank. We all work to our contracted hours, anything over that we build up and get back at quieter times in the month (I don't think I've worked a full day since year end last Oct, working 9-4 getting an hour back a day. Not including a few days at month end).

Many people in my office work 8-4 or even one guy in my team works 7.30-3.30. Lots work a day or two from home too.

Maybe it's time to have a look around in the job market

Gillyx

My OH works in quite a male dominated industry (engineering) but his company are really quite good, he leaves at 5.45 every morning so doesn't see our son in the AM. Is at his desk for 7.05 and generally leaves between 4-4.30pm. He has a 30 min lunch, he is entitled to 1h but would require him to work an extra half an hour so he doesn't do it. His company are all individual work loads, and everyone has different case loads so it's not like johns job should take 3hours so yours should too. They have deadlines and it's up to them to work it out.

He is generally home for 5.30, and we manage dinner together and he does bath and bed with our son. In saying that he still doesn't feel like it's enough and lives for the weekend, we try and do a lot of things with our son at the weekend even things like going to the park, he loves it

I can't imagine how he'd feel if they didn't see each other mon-fri.

fawd1

duchy wrote: »

I don't think 6 is early bedtime. That was my sons bedtime up to the age of five..

Sorry but I think 6 is a ridiculous bedtime. It's not even evening at that stage, just late afternoon. I will admit that when mine were babies their bedtime was about 7.30. Now they are a bit older (5 and 4) their bedtime is about 8.30. (although they don't fall asleep until about 9) They sleep until about 7.30, we have an evening, my OH sees them and it's plenty of time to get them ready for school. I know too many people who complain about the fact that their child wakes up at 5am, and then admit they put them to bed at 6 pm. What do you expect, only for about 6 months do children sleep 12 hours straight, if that.

fawd1

themull1 wrote: »

6 o clock for a five year old is in the minority though, even in the summer holidays? Never heard of a kid of five going to bed at 6pm!

Agree. My 4 & 5 year olds wake up most days at about 7.30 am. There is no possible way (bar making them run for the 4 hours a day that they aren't in school) that I could get them to sleep by 6pm. Genuinely no possible way.

FBaby

Surely is about the need of the child rather then what is right or wrong. Some kids need more sleep then others some are early risers whilst others are not. 6pm if fine if that's the time the child is comfortable going to sleep and parents are happy with the time he gets up.

My two went to sleep at 6pm when they were babies then gradually moved to 7:30 when they were 6 ish then 9 pm at 11. Nowadays during the holidays they go to sleep after new and my husband go to bed!

Lee_Howden

I'm pleased to find this thread on here. You feel so alone when you are in this situation.

Our Daughter is now 4 and starts school next month. It has been an emotional rollercoaster these last 3 and a bit years trying to get the correct life balance. Myself and my wife both have to work full time as we simply couldn't afford to pay the mortgage on our semi detached house that we had worked so hard to get. I'm on shifts which are so erratic it's untrue, so childcare has to revolve around my wife. That has meant that I've been at home when my daughter has been in Childcare some days as we felt it was better to keep her routine (and also, we'd still have to pay the nursery fees). On the days that she doesn't go to Nursery, she goes to Grandparents houses who have absolutely loved having her. When their days fall on my Days off, I've tended to look after her so that I at least spent some time with her, even though I found it incredibly hard.

I feel very angry about our lives as this isn't the life that I wanted for us as a family. However as I am constantly reminded, we have to live with it as we simply cannot afford to make any career changes. It has got me down over the years and has an impact on my health and our marriage.

Perhaps this post doesn't offer a great deal to the thread, other than that there is someone in a similar situation and that you're not on your own.