Working with a young family

Prothet_of_Doom

I find this very interesting coming from a different profession.

As a Chartered Manufacturing Engineer who work in the automotive supply chain, my job was alway about hitting a job one date, with the machines, and tooling and quality with a fixed date when the customer (Usually a Car Manufacturer) would be going through the paperwork and checking our preparation.

There was never enough time, or enough people, and you could be out in Italy one week, with the supplier of test equipment, in Germany the next with a supplier of automation, and burnley in between with the supplier of a specialist welding machine.

The pressure was immense, but the pay was mediocre, and so my wife worked weekends to pay for any extras.

We had clock in cards, but overtime was not paid. I remember getting back home on a Thursday evening, very late, and my boss telling me off for wanting to "work from home on Friday afternoon" so that I could pick my kids up from school.

This was typical and over the years I worked at numerous companies where highly qualified people were pretty much giving 15 hours (up to 30 coming up to the Drop dead date) away and getting nothing much for it, other than ulcers and high blood pressure.

At the Weekends, I had the kids, and tried to do fun things for not much money (otherwise what's the point of my wife going to work at the weekends), but mostly I was angry dad, grumpy, quick tempered and knackered.

I wish that I'd realised my kids would quickly grow up and fly the nest, and that I WAS letting myself be manipulated by my bosses. I should have said no.

Actually one manager thought that he didn't have to give me time off in lieu when I travelled to the wrong side of italy on a Bank Holiday Monday (I left the house at 7 am and got to the hotel at 5:30pm), and that was the point where I started to change. But interestingly my work seemed to improve once I started to put my family first.

LannieDuck

I get back from work about 6pm and DD goes to bed 7.30 so I can do the bedtime routine with her.

OP, is there any scope for your partner to go back to work part-time? Could you could consider dropping to four days a week if they could make up the shortfall in pay? OH and I are thinking of doing this when second baby is born. I don't want to miss too much of their formative years

nickj_2

i've just come out the other side of this , my kids are now in their mid to late teens . i live in a small but very prosperous village , i work as a tradesman and have done so since i was in my early 20's , i'm now in my late 40's ,
i had the luxury of working the hours that i chose , most days i start at 8ish and finish anytime from 4-6-30 ,and although in the early years i wasn't earning great money , we still had enough for mrs j to look after the kids during the week and then she worked on a saturday .
we did struggle , had a series of old cars , which still got us from a-b , still managed to have a week away during the summer in the uk and the odd weekend away ,
i guess the point i'm trying to make is this , your kids only grow up once , money can't by you that time again , i see a lot of my customers getting back from work at stupid o'clock in the evening and they probably were out of the house early ion the morning , yes they have well paid jobs and can afford the best , but to spend time with your family is precious and priceless

pawpurrs

Toddles goes to bed by 7, i couldn't keep her up till hubby gets home, and besides i am also in bed by the the time he gets home too, a toddles is very tyring, and i suffer from insomnia too.

Matt007

I am very lucky to work for a firm who offers flexi working, it may be worth speaking to your employer to see if this is something you can do so you can work some days longer and others shorter. Also, see if it is possible to work from home for a day a week or an afternoon. Communicating the struggles with your employer is key as they won't want to lose you! Hope this helps.

UKInsuranceGuru

From experience with our little un, up to age 5 was not so difficult as she would nap during the day. Even at nursery an organised nap break was arranged - all the kids would sleep for about an hour at the same time, amazing! - This meant the final bedtime tended to be a bit later.

Its once they start school, set routine, they find it very tiring especially at first. No daytime naps.

Always a difficult situation.

kboss2010

Scorpio, thanks for this thread, it's nice to hear sometimes that men care about their kids too not just treat them like another thing to throw money at along with the missus.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your employer. The private sector especially can be tough. One of the things I'm a huge supporter of is better paternity rights. In my opinion, shared maternity leave should be mandatory rather than optional and my reason is because, like yours, most employers frown upon you taking that option (which legally should be available to you as a father). If it was mandatory companies wouldn't be able to refuse.

Good luck with sorting it out

themull1

duchy wrote: »

I don't think 6 is early bedtime. That was my sons bedtime up to the age of five. He'd sleep twelve hours or more solidly so obviously needed it and seemed happier and healthier than friends kids the same age who were still going strong at 11pm lol. My husband often had to work late and just made up for it at weekends with lots of time with our son.

If the OP works til 9 on a regular basis then rolling bedtime back by an hour isn't going to help anyway. The OP maybe needs to look at how he schedules his work and maybe start earlier so everything else is done so a late notice assignment isn't a total disaster and late nights at work decrease. May not be able to lose them completely but to a degree that's the price we all pay for a job that gives a good standard of living to our children.




I don't think the issue is a gender one more the sort of company he's employed by. Some companies genuinely believe in a life work balance and offer more family friendly work practices like flexitime . Maybe finding a job with a company with a better attitude is the long term solution........ Or even self employment.

6 o clock for a five year old is in the minority though, even in the summer holidays? Never heard of a kid of five going to bed at 6pm!

duchy

Assume you don't know many children then or you'd know there is a huge variance. Some five year olds are up until 11pm every night and are exhausted the next day in school others have a better routine (where the parent's needs aren't the priority) . Mine needed thirteen hours a night at that age. He'd go straight to sleep and wake naturally at about 7am. If he'd needed less he'd have woken earlier. Not sure why you think it's so unusual though -he wasn't the only one in his class with the same schedule. I had friends whose kids went to bed far later and there was the endless getting up then putting back to bed dance-exhausting for both parents and children both physically and mentally.

themull1

duchy wrote: »

Assume you don't know many children then or you'd know there is a huge variance. Some five year olds are up until 11pm every night and are exhausted the next day in school others have a better routine (where the parent's needs aren't the priority) . Mine needed thirteen hours a night at that age. He'd go straight to sleep and wake naturally at about 7am. If he'd needed less he'd have woken earlier. Not sure why you think it's so unusual though -he wasn't the only one in his class with the same schedule. I had friends whose kids went to bed far later and there was the endless getting up then putting back to bed dance-exhausting for both parents and children both physically and mentally.

I have two kids and i dont think that theyve ever gone to bed at 6, and certainly non of their friends went that early. Its not necessarily waking naturally, kids wake up if they need the loo etc, i'm not suprised being in bed that long.