Just feeling overwhelmed and upset

mattfiona

Just feeling upset

I just want to get my feelings all out on here because I feel guilty unburdening them all on to my husband who has been working really hard this month doing ridiculous overtime hours. It makes me feel bad when I worry about money out loud to him because then he just worries about it loads and he already suffers from anxiety and depression so I don't want to make that worse.

I know our combined debts are nowhere near as big as other people's debts are so I feel a little bit of a fraud posting on here but recently I just don't seem to be able to think about anything else and I feel worried about money all the time.

To begin with, when I started organising our finances and cutting back on things, I felt confident and motivated to do this - to pay off our debts, to be frugal etc - now I just feel miserable and depressed that we never have any money.

This month, I haven't been out socially at all, haven't spent any money on myself. We only buy the value basics for groceries, have cut back everywhere possible but even with just making the standard payments on our mortgage and debts, we never have any money left for anything. After our payments all go out at the beginning of the month, by this time in the month, we don't seem to have any money to socialise, to do anything or to buy new clothes etc. I'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks' time and just wanted to get my hair cut, a new outfit and new pair of shoes but don't feel like we have the money available for it because it will be at the end of the month :-(

I'm so nervous of using the credit card or our overdraft because, we have got the rest of our debts all consolidated into our £10k loan and after we've made the repayments on that, we don't have any money to spare to service any further debt so I get to a point where I panic if we are running low on money towards the end of the month and just don't know where we're going to get it from. If we end up using the overdraft or credit card, I just panic that we're never going to be able to pay it back - even though we are trying to watch every penny.

Please help me get rid of this anxiety about money and try and manage things in a better way!! Thanks! And sorry for rambling on………...

mattsaunders

I am new but welcome to the forum. Well done on making the first step you will learn loads here I have

atypicalblonde

Hi Fiona

I am sending you virtual hugs hun. It seems like you have burnt out a little, it is really common for us to attack the debts with great motivation and confidence at the beginning, and then start to feel a bit de-motivated after a while. Although you are in debt, and I know you are paying them off with the aim of emigrating, please please remember that you do still DESERVE A LIFE as well, and shouldn't feel as if you are being punished, otherwise you won't succeed.

Everyone needs little treats to get them through, we wouldn't be human if we didn't! Please try not to be too hard on yourself, and remember treats are still aloud, the key is budgeting for them. Re. the haircut, get yourself to Boots and buy a bottle of Herbal Essences - they are running a promotion at the min that gives you a free haircut at a local salon when you buy a bottle.

Sorry I cant be of too much practical help hun, but remember we are always here to listen, please keep smiling

xx

MRSMCAWBER

hi there MattFiona

first of all -sending you great big hugs...we all need em dont we!

Its so difficult sometimes isnt it??? my hubby is a squaddie and i dont work im on IB....but sometimes i feel as though he does all the earning...although he says i make the money go a lot further than he could (which i wont argue with :-)
I know it feels good pulling in your belt and saving every penny you can, but i think sometimes you have to let go a little and have a small treat..even if its just a face pack, or a mag...when i do that i feel refreshed and start to think of other places to save money...
What size are you?, could you perhaps have a get together with a few friends and have a clothes swap? or perhaps look on free cycle...i know i have just got rid of so many clothes that i dont want..many still with tags on (i know...very wastefull..but i got them before i came to my senses and joined MSS ;-)
And since you are starting work soon...congratulations by the way....is there anywhere you could "borrow" money from until you get paid ..i dont know can you perhaps stretch your food cupboard a bit further so you can buy a new pair of shoes instead of the pork chops?
sorry i cant be of more help at the moment..but just wanted to say hello and let you know you arent alone
regards jill

Lucy1982_2

Hey You.

Sometimes it's so hard isn't. Have you sat down and worked out what you have left so far this month?

As for socialising, can you have dinner parties? Or invite friends over for a BBQ/drinks in the garden on a strictly bring your own basis? That what my group of friends do, one's just got married, one has just moved into a new house and another is getting divorced and as we all know I never have any money. We actually have more fun doing this than when we make it to the pub.

You will pay it back and the support here will help you. Try to remember that just because you don't have a lot of cash, doesn't mean you can't enjoy life. But I'm sending you a big hug :grouphug:

Shineyhappy

Hi,

Make sure you do get about and about as much as possible, I too like socialising but now instead of going out to dinner my OH and I go to the local park for a pic nic and to feed the ducks. We go walking quite a lot and try and make things a bit special like having Sunday lunch in his garden or messing about in the garden.

I also try and reward myself.... I spend ages ebaying then I can make bunny shortbread biscuits. I enjoy looking on the freebies board for ideas on little treats like chocolate samples or razors and I love getting those in the post. I am also enjoying trying to get as much in my online click through/survey sites for Christmas. This is a challenge of mine to get Christmas to under one hundred pounds of my own money.

We all get down from time to time and this place is the first place I come when I am down and you always get a virtual hug and some support. I put a post on here asking people about positive experiences about being a dfw and the positiveness really surprised me.

Skint_Catt

MrsMcawber, just a thought but have you signed up to Aqa/Pigsback/Kelkoo - you can earn some pin money/vouchers and feel like you're contributing? Don't meant to offend!

katchambers

Hi fiona, welcome to the forums!

I am not a dfw expert I am afraid so I probably cannot offer you as great advice as others on here but there are a couple of things I would like to say.

Firstly, don't ever appologise or say that you are a fraud for either having smaller debts than some people or for venting on these boards because, we all have debts of different levels and who says one is worse than another, there will always be someone worse off than you but that doesn't mean you are not important. Also, this DFW board is the exact right place to vent and share your troubles.

Secondly, you may feel (slightly) better to know that you are not alone. There are millions of people in the UK that are in the same situation as you, and I can tell you now that almost all of the feelings you have expressed are almost exactly how I am currently feeling, so I guess we are in a similar boat. I have about double the debts you have, and until recently they were fairly manageable, but now it is getting to the point where, we have no money left for socialising or anything and I am also scared of using the overdraft, same as you. I have just taken my first step in getting debt counselling only today, I have my first appointment on monday and I am scared. If you feel talking to a debt counseller may help you then https://www.cccs.co.uk is the one recommended by most, but be aware that you may not be at that stage yet, you probably just need to start off with shuffling debts onto cheaper 0% cards, doing a budget etc. so give martins debt help page a read as it may help you:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan

I have done almost everything on martins list and still need help hence why I have gone for debt counselling.

One thing that can be helpful is if you put your statement of affairs on here so that we can take a look and offer you some advice, this means a breakdown of all your debts, outgoings and income. Very scarey to put that info on a forum, I know, but we have all done it and it is helpful.

The stress and the worry will not go away overnight but from experience I can tell you it does help to talk to people about it, maybe an understanding and sympathetic friend or family member might be a good idea, but also, feel free to vent on here, we all feel the same.

Good luck in becoming debt free

Hugs
Kat x

katchambers

I forgot to say, about treats. You must include treats and some people have already suggested ways of getting them. Do you shop at tesco? If so you can use your clubcard vouchers on deals, which are worth 4x the amount if used with specific companies. We sometimes use them at bella pasta when we want to treat ourselves to a meal out, that way it is free, just build up your points and use them on deals. You can build up points more quickly if you shop online as there are lots of 500 extra points when you spend £50 and the like. I have a lot of points now and it really helps with the treats without feeling guilty. You can also treat yourselves to days out and even weekend breaks and holidays, if you save enough points.

Here is a good thread for building up points more quickly and cheaply:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=213516

Here is one for all the online codes:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=395602

If you have the time, you could also sign up to some mystery shopping companies:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=424624

Good thread there with advice on which ones to use and how it all works. I do it regularly and its a fab way of having free meals, good way to get out and socialise on the cheap/free.

If you like going to the cinema, here is a way of going for free:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=352410

Hope this helps,
kat x

Cazzdevil

I'm no expert on these matters either but have found it very hard to cope the last few years trying to run a house & car on a (quite low) single wage.

I now have a fantastic, supportive boyfriend living with me, but for years I was scrounging meals off my parents most nights to avoid doing too much food shopping, buying my clothes in charity shops and then altering them to fit/look different, having to turn down nights out because I couldn't even afford the bus fare let alone the drinks to actually HAVE the night out!

It's amazing how you cope even when you're near rock bottom. My mantra through all the tough times was (and still is) that no matter how bad I think my situation is, there's always someone worse off than I am and I have so much to be grateful for.

Lucy's advice is great, invite your friends round for a bbq or a picky-type supper (buffet to you posh folks!), tell them to bring a bottle which saves you money and you can practice your cooking & baking skills by making a load of stuff from scratch.

You're always gonna have days where you feel like there's no end to it, and nothing anyone says or does will make you feel better, but these feelings soon pass. Things always seem ten times worse at first.

MRSMCAWBER

Hi there Skint_catt

Dont worry im not offended..takes more than that..i have the hide of a rhino LOL....and i know that it is meant in the nicest way :-)

I did join pigsback....but we are moving to Germany for 3 years at the end of the month....so i didnt think id be able to use these things!!!very silly question coming up (PCs not being my thing)...please tell me that when i get to Germany i will still be able to visit here??? only i may scream if not, as i have only recently found it :-) and sit her quite often learning all sorts of things...
just this week i have found out where to get new glasses..i usually pay around £175 for 2 pairs..but have just ordered a pair of prescription glasses and a pair of prescription sunglasses -both metal frames for £40.47 including postage cases and anti scratch coating....(specsonthenet)...

Most of the time im fine...my hubby would think i was barmy if he knew i even thought this way sometimes....

we are very lucky in lots of ways....my hubby has done his 22 years and they have asked him to do another 5...yee haa...germany means...
no car tax
no TV license
petrol at less than half what we pay here
and my hubby gets an allowance for me of about an extra £200 per month....
and everything there is sooo much cheaper...
so it is a prime time for me to be making adjustments to our spends...
I qualified as a chef at 17 -now im 35 so i can make meals out of just about anything LOL
we got a house a couple of years ago..as where i am from we got a 3 bed terrace for £63k...and someone now rents it..so they pay our mortgage
even though our loan repayments are high..they will all be gone by the time the 5 years are up..
and my hubbies pension pays out a lump sum that will pay off our mortgage...

so at least we have a definite time scale and a light at the end of the tunnel..im just determined to adjust to living in a frugal way right now.....and to get some saving done...
oooohhh im rambling...but if anyone could let me know if i will be able to stay with you guys once im away id much appretiate it :-)
regards jill