Just feeling overwhelmed and upset

mattfiona

Thanks to you all - you are all so lovely and supportive and really help me to put everything in perspective. It is difficult at the moment and sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed but I know it will get easier. I'm sorry I don't have time to write out a full reply right now but I will come back later, thanks again xx

Costa_lot

I would just like to show you my support and say chin up and good luck with your new job.

tesuhoha

I would just say let your husband do the overtime. Its his way of doing something to sort you out financially and he probably feels like he's the one who its down to to bring in the extra money. He probably needs to feel that right now he's really helping. You can support him by not spending a penny of that extra money, paying off the debt with it and letting him know how much it has helped and where it has gone.

Skint_Catt

MrsMcawber - yes you will still be able to visit here! We have lots of Aussies and Canadians on here already And you'll have lots of Lidls in Germany to shop cheaply at!
Hugs to you mattfiona - I wasn't ignoring you! I get fed up days too when i think sod it.
C xx

melainab

Hi mattfiona,

I think we all have days when it gets on top of us. Sometimes a nice bubble bath and a book or an old dvd and forget it all helps. Then after a good nights sleep sometimes things look easier to deal with again.
This definately seems to be the place to be for help and support. I wish you strength and courage. You can do it

tigzem

Hey, here's another virtual hug... I don't have advice for you, but think you've been given some excellent ideas. Esp Lucy's supper/BBQ party.

Don't deny little treats, I treat myself to a bar of choc now & then... esp if it's the double choc dairy milk - yummy... :rotfl:

xxx

Mozette

Everyone gets days when they feel completely !!!!!! - my answer is more wine, but possibly not to be recommended, though it works for me - but you do need to not be too hard on yourself or you'll really give in, you do need a (small and cheap!) treat now and again. Debt is a relative thing, and whatever your level of debt, if it causes you a problem, well that's good enough. Doesn't matter if it's £1,000 or £10,000,000, it's how it affects you that matters. This site is brilliant, and there are so many nice people with so much knowledge, who are so willing to share that and support you, it restores your faith in human nature.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel - sometimes you just have to turn a corner to see it. Best wishes, hang on in there, there is always a solution.

chevalier

Hi there
someone mentioned quidco etc. Here are the links hope this helps and sorry it is so longwww.lightspeed.com - this is a survey site, where you get points which turn into vouchers (you choose). May not help with the cash flow, but the vouchers could be saved towards birthday/xmas or given as presents.

https://www.caio.co.uk - survey site that gives money. A bit fits and starts ie no surveys for a couple of weeks, then three or four the same day.

https://www.yougov.co.uk - again paid surveys. However takes a while to get to the minimum payout level

https://www.pigsback.co.uk - this is a points site, ie they give you points for buying things via their site. BUT you also get points for signing up for news letters (some of which are even interesting!), and also for clicking on adverts with pink borders. I have spent NOTHING with them but got a £10 voucher through this week (only been registered since January). There is also a thread in the freebies section, which gives you all the daily answers to the competitions so you can have a better chance of winning on them.

https://www.mutualpoints.com - another points for clicks site. You can also buy things via their site and get points too. For a long time, I just clicked the links in the emails they send you, and that gets you 5 points. At 3000 points you get £20 I think. You can do searches via their site and that gets you points too.

https://www.quidco.com - this is a cash back site, so very good, for checking if any potential new insurers (ie if you have checked your contents insurance say and found a new provider), are offering cash back. Eg Lloyds was offering £120 cashback on new policies at one point (the offers do change). You can also get small amounts of cash again for doing searches via their site. You can earn 52p a day by doing this. Every little helps.

https://www.greasypalm.co.uk - another cash back site, where you can do searches and get small amounts of money. But it all adds up. I think you can get about 50p a day on there for nothing. Minimum payout is £20 I think, but you can sign up to survey sites via there, and get extra money that way for nothing.

Again more medium term money might come from claiming back bank charges. Also if you had an endowment you can write to your provider suggesting you might have been misinformed about its performance. Many people have got money back on that. There are articles from Martin on the main site about how to go about doing this.
If you are going to do this, it is wise to set up another current account first, with a bank that you have no debt with. Just to be on the safe side.

Are you in the correct banding for your council tax? Again there is an article by Martin on the main website about how to go about checking this. If you are in the wrong band and due a rebate, it is for all the year you have been living in the house since 1991, so this can be several thousand pounds back.

good luck
chev

lynzpower

Have you got any markets near you that do cheap clothes hun?

Only when I was turbo-debtbusting I laid aside a tenner on payday to go and buy something. Round my local markets you can get river island/ next / top shop/ dp/ walllis etc overstock trousers, skirts & tops for a fiver a throw.

It took me a very long time to cut myself some slack, I thought getting Df was a competition against myself as to hard done to i was but then again I loved the feeling of paying it off too.

One tip, get yourslef some massae cream and get OH to give you a rub down and vice versa with all the extra hours you are doing. Dig ourt the recipe books and do something unusual with the basic ingredients you usually buy ( i like using the waitrose recipe section makes me feel posh when Im not!) pigsback vouchers can also be used for manicures & pedicures too, have a look think they are about 800 points!

mattfiona

You have all been so lovely, I love this board, thank you so much.

Today, I don't know why, but I have just got to feeling really low and teary about the whole thing - and DH is out tonight just when I could do with a cuddle so not happy about that! - but the support of you all on here means so much - thank you!

You've all given me so many good ideas to work through and think about so I will take my time and read through this thread properly and make a few notes and hopefully that will really invigorate my motivation for debt-busting rather than feeling dragged down by it all like I do at the moment!

Sorry if I don't reply to you all individually but just to respond to a few points that you have all brought up -

I have already posted an introductory thread and a SOA - my debt-free diary is here: Debt free and emigrating if anyone wants a peek at my SOA! I thought that we had already cut back loads but I think that there are other areas where we can cut back more - DH spends money on his tramfare daily whereas we could save approx £30 a month if he got a season ticket, for example - so that is something for us to sort out. I need to take control of this as I know that DH would not sort this out himself.

This week, I am doing the unnecessary challenge and have only spent less than £1 so that's doing pretty well I think one of the main problems is DH withdraws money without thinking about it - he will withdraw £10 / £20 a day and it will just disappear and this makes me feel tired and frustrated when I realise that I'm trying to make one £10 note last all week. Hopefully now that I have talked to him about how worried this is all making me he will realise and he will think more carefully about his spending.

I agree that his contribution is the overtime and it makes him feel as though he is really doing something to help though so I'm pleased that he's doing that and he wants to help.

I have already joined Pigsback and ipoints but I will take a look at all of those other links soon!

Re:clothes - I was on the bus on the way home from work tonight and I noticed that there is a shoe shop in the high street which is having a massive closing down sale so I plan to go there on Saturday morning when I'm off work to see if I can get some new shoes for work for cheaper I usually buy my clothes from Matalan or Tesco but I'm not too proud to consider buying them from charity shops or rummage sales so I will look into that.

You are all right about the need for treats - I think I have become so determined to save money that I have made myself miserable not ever allowing myself any treats and also not getting out and about - I tend to stay inside the office at lunchtimes because I have my lunch packed up and if I go out, I worry about spending money. I'm going to make a determined effort to get out and have a walk at lunchtime - walking's free! and hopefully that will help to lift my mood a bit too.

Reading through all of your lovely messages and your support has made me quite emotional and teary - thanks so much to you all xxx :grouphug: