Child care responsibility once separated

john0612

Good evening, my partner of 12yrs and I have separated and we have an 8yr old son.
My ex was the main earner and latterly I never worked and looked after our son when she was was working , done to school runs etc.

Now we've separated I have a new job , also sleeping at a mates house till I can afford a private let.
Now at the moment I take my son a minimal of 3 nights just now as it is while we both try and get someone to watch our son when we are both at work wither it be my mum or hers.

There is no one else really unto help out, now both parents can't watch him next week because of their own holidays I'm getting in the neck that I need to organise care for him as she is working.

I tried calmly to tell her that she is the "main parent " in the eyes if the csa as she gets all the tax credits and child benefit . Now when i get paid I will obviously contribute towards my son , she's basically saying I should be taking days off my work to let her get to work as she needs to earn to pay the mortgage to keep our son in a home etc.

Also because she paid the mortgage all the time and I was bringing nothing into the house for the last few years she wants me to sign over the mortgage to her, which means I would walk away with nothing. I never put as much into the house when I was working but I did pay for things when I was, although as I said she paid the mortgage . Sorry the long winded post but it feels good getting it all out.

I'm not shirking any responsabilitys for my son and will take him when I can but I feel she's being unreasonable I feel she wants me to take him when it suits her for cover.

Be good to hear your thoughts.

bebewoo

Obviously now both of you are working you are going to have to find somebody else to look after your son. As it is the school holidays now, you could arrange to go to some play schemes for him, or find a child minder who covers the school holidays. Some council websites can provide this information.
I don't know how much she earns but if the childminder or scheme is ofsted registered she can claim child tax credit if she earns below a certain amount.

pigpen

The fact you cared for your son while she worked will be taken into account so you don't have to sign anything over... Get some legal advice asap!!!!

A lot of school have kids clubs running 8am-6pm for most of the holidays.. ring around and see where has spaces.

She can get childcare help through the tax credits.

Does he have any school friends he could sit with one day?

FBaby

When parents are separated and both working, it is normal practice for both to take some time off during the school holidays to accommodate childcare. It is as much yours and her responsibility. Is she taking time off? If not is it because she really can't? You've both left it a bit late to arrange something for next week. It sounds like you need to have a talk and be clear as to who does what and come to a compromise.

As for the mortgage, the moral right share would be for you to be entitled to half of the equity built up to the time you left. Everything after that is hers only. Legally is another matter and one only a solicitor can advise on.

Gigglepig

I'd sit down with the ex and as a starting point I think you should both do half the childcare during school holidays or pay half the cost. This should be planned well in advance, get an agreement now for the next school year. If you find it hard to discuss with your ex, try couple's counselling/mediation.

Kayalana99

Tbf the way I would kind of see it is you have your son on set days a week..and would have to provide childcare for these days if you were working.

Bottom line though as Main parent she has to pay for childcare as your paying her CSA (assumining) and you wouldnt be able to claim 70% back in childcare as tax credits are in her name...

74jax

I know you say when you get some money you will give it to her, has she had anything yet? Are you now contributing to the mortgage? If its no to both of these she may just feel annoyed and is taking it out on you.

How did you get to the weekend before to realise you have no childcare? My ex and I have the whole year (inc school hols) mapped out. Is the split very recent?

It sounds very early days, for now you need to look on wibsites and get your child enroled in school clubs, you both need to keep your jobs. I don't agree its up to her to pay for it all - if its only recent her tax credits might not have have kicked in, she seems to be paying everything else.

Mojisola

john0612 wrote: »

Good evening, my partner of 12yrs and I have separated and we have an 8yr old son.

My ex was the main earner and latterly I never worked and looked after our son when she was was working , done to school runs etc.

Why aren't you in the family home with your son? You were the Parent With Care!

Kynthia

Were you married and is the house and mortgage in both your names? The answer to these two questions makes a difference to how your finances, equity and debts will be split.

Guest101

john0612 wrote: »

Good evening, my partner of 12yrs and I have separated and we have an 8yr old son.
My ex was the main earner and latterly I never worked and looked after our son when she was was working , done to school runs etc.

Now we've separated I have a new job , also sleeping at a mates house till I can afford a private let.
Now at the moment I take my son a minimal of 3 nights just now as it is while we both try and get someone to watch our son when we are both at work wither it be my mum or hers.

There is no one else really unto help out, now both parents can't watch him next week because of their own holidays I'm getting in the neck that I need to organise care for him as she is working.

I tried calmly to tell her that she is the "main parent " in the eyes if the csa as she gets all the tax credits and child benefit . Now when i get paid I will obviously contribute towards my son , she's basically saying I should be taking days off my work to let her get to work as she needs to earn to pay the mortgage to keep our son in a home etc.

Also because she paid the mortgage all the time and I was bringing nothing into the house for the last few years she wants me to sign over the mortgage to her, which means I would walk away with nothing. I never put as much into the house when I was working but I did pay for things when I was, although as I said she paid the mortgage . Sorry the long winded post but it feels good getting it all out.

I'm not shirking any responsabilitys for my son and will take him when I can but I feel she's being unreasonable I feel she wants me to take him when it suits her for cover.

Be good to hear your thoughts.

You didnt work because you looking after your child, whilst she worked? And you have to take days off whilst she works?

You need to go back home, take possesion of your child, as you are the primary carer in this case. ask your ex to leave and contact the csa.

Guest101

Mojisola wrote: »

Why aren't you in the family home with your son? You were the Parent With Care!

Spot on, im shocked by this state of affairs.