Was this a step too far?

Curious_George_2

i visit my best friends grave as often as i can and some times i will go with flowers, sometimes i dont,
if i go to the shop with the intention of buying flowers and there are some reduced ones, then if they still look good i dont feel bad about buying them,
infact if im passing and happen to see a really nice bunch of reduced ones it spurs me to buy them and go to the cemetary on days i wasnt planning it (I never get there as often as i mean too)
Ive worked in this particular shop and seen some gorgeous 'out of date' bouquets that have been binned when they could have easily lasted another week or more but its not allowed,
i always thought it was such a waste....

if it were my grave, i know id rather have a visit from a loved one with a bunch of cut price blooms than no visit at all.
next time your there have a look around at some of the older graves, the obviously unvisited ones.... they make me sad, im sure some of the people buried in them would have loved to think their children visited at all....

suzukibabe

You shouldn't feel mean, at least you visited their graves.

out of the 6 children my mum had there's only 2 of us that take flowers to put next to her rosebush-mum was cremated-

I meant to go and take flowers nearly 3 weeks ago for what would have been mum's birthday but it totally slipped my mind as we were all concentrating on my sisters wedding, i took flowers down the weekend just gone, i felt awful but better late than never.

calleyw

Hey stop beating yourself up.

It is the thought that counts. Often when me and my husband go to my FIL and MIL grave we often taken reduced flowers.

They are hardly likey to complain (tounge firmly in cheek).

The flowers are really for the living and not the dead. My husband is one of 4and he is the about the only one who goes on birthdays, Christmas, mothers and fathers day and for us it is a 60 mile round trip. Even though one of his siblings lives about 2 miles away and the other 5 miles away. And from what I believe the one that lives 2 miles away has never bene there since they have been interned. And my FIL died about 10 years ago and my MIL 4 years ago.

Yours


Calley

Frugal_Fox

Aw, OP don't beat yourself up. You went to their grave. It doesn't matter that you took reduced flowers, or if you'd gone empty handed. You went. Enough said.

Angel777

Hi, as others have said please dont feel guilty.

It is the thought that counts and the fact that you travelled to and bought flowers is lovely.

Of course you ARE NOT mean. Far from it.

AdesSafe

Your Parents think if they knew you were thinking like this....

nuff said I think....

savingsara wrote: »

As its been a nice day to day I decided to go and take some flowers to my parents' grave 20 miles away.

On my way there I stopped to buy some flowers at the Co-op and picked two nice bunches which included deep pink roses, stargazer lilies, carnation, chrysanths and some greenery. Both had been reduced to £1.50 from £3.99., though they looked quite fresh to me, display until 6/6/07.

I don't suppose flowers last long when it's warm anyway, and they will be in full sun much of the time.

I've got a niggling feeling of meanness deep inside me, should I feel this guilt? I'm the only person who takes flowers, my brother who lives less than five miles from the cemetery doesn't go at all.

chardonnay_2

not at all

CFC

It's the visit that counts. The flowers are just an add-on. You are thinking 'I've been mean and not shown my love by spending money'. Does money equate to love. Did your parents think that? Do you think that if you take a step back? No. It's all in the visit. If you'd saved the petrol money for flowers and didn't visit, and sent expensive flowers to the grave via the local florist instead, would that mean you loved them more? No.
If they knew how to be careful with money and would scold you for making an inessential longer trip, if they saw the flowers were reduced they'd scold you for buying any at all, but secretly think 'we trained her the right way'.

TheWaltons_3

You've got nothing to feel guilty for at all... what's the point of spending money on elaborate flowers that are going to die anyway?

You did a smart thing, obviously thought about them, and you didn't go empty handed - mean would have been looking at the flowers, seeing how cheap they were, and LEAVING Them in the shop!!

savingsara_2

Thanks everyone, for taking the trouble to reply.:A

I'm sat here like a right soft article sniffing and with tears rolling down my cheeks.
But I feel better knowing I wasn't being mean, just needed some reassurance.
As it's turned out it's been much cooler since I took the flowers so perhaps they will last a while after all.