Was this a step too far?

savingsara_2

As its been a nice day to day I decided to go and take some flowers to my parents' grave 20 miles away.

On my way there I stopped to buy some flowers at the Co-op and picked two nice bunches which included deep pink roses, stargazer lilies, carnation, chrysanths and some greenery. Both had been reduced to £1.50 from £3.99., though they looked quite fresh to me, display until 6/6/07.

I don't suppose flowers last long when it's warm anyway, and they will be in full sun much of the time.

I've got a niggling feeling of meanness deep inside me, should I feel this guilt? I'm the only person who takes flowers, my brother who lives less than five miles from the cemetery doesn't go at all.

beard0609

I don't think that you have anything to feel mean about please don't beat yourself up about it. You went to your parents grave with flowers, it would not have mattered if you had gone empty handed.. you went and they say it's the thought that is the most important part.

daphne_descends

Oh bless you, don't be silly, that's a lovely thing to do, it's doesn't make it nicer if you spend £20!

ailuro2

It is the thought that counts,and I'd guess your parents would have scolded you for spending too much money on flowers that would wilt in the warm weather anyway.

Triker

Look it's really what you did that counts not how much you spent doing it.

I recently bought a 'reduced' hyacinth to go on my father in law's grave. It was in a pot and I wanted to get a little something.

The gesture was heartfelt because I never met my FIL and my OH still cannot bring himself to go to to grave.

I said a few words and shed a few tears for a man who is dearly loved and missed by my loved one.

skint_spice

Would it matter to you if the roles were reversed? Don't think so! It's enough that you were there and even better you took some lovely flowers.

shelly

Don't feel bad because they were reduced in price. I feel bad because I don't take flowers to my Nan & Grandad's grave very regularly. When I do go I always promise myself I will find the time to go more often but life overtakes me and before I know it weeks have passed. I think about them both everyday and I think thats all they would have wanted, not to be forgotten.

changkra

Your parents more than likely didn't even think about anyone visiting or putting flowers on their graves before they passed over. You have nothing to feel guilty for and anyway as you though they rarely last longer than 2 days in this heat. Money saving is not being mean. Focus on what you actually did, you thought about placing flowers as it was a nice day and you wanted to spend some time with them, not how much they cost, that doesn't come into it. If I'm honest i don't know where my mothers head stone is, i would have to read the names on about 1000 to find it, but i don't feel the need to go there and put flowers as i feel her around me many a time and have seen her too, shes not in the head stone, shes here with me and others from my family.

belfastgirl23

I don't ever take flowers at all, they only die in a couple of days and then lie on the grave looking forlorn till someone else visits. I figure as long as you try to keep things looking neat and tidy, YOU know how much the person meant to you and frankly keeping them alive in your heart is far more important than whether you spend money on flowers or not. Taking the time to go is the best gift you can give...

Don't beat yourself up about this...

savingsara_2

ailuro2 wrote: »

It is the thought that counts,and I'd guess your parents would have scolded you for spending too much money on flowers that would wilt in the warm weather anyway.

Most likely they would. My Dad chose to be cremated because he didn't want my Mother going with flowers every 5 minutes. Since she died 2.5 years ago I tend to try and go on birthdays, anniversaries (of deaths), Christmas etc. which they would probably be cross about as it's a special journey each time and having both lived through the war they knew how to be careful with money - nothing was wasted!
But I miss them and it's my way of feeling close even though I know they're not there.......

misty

You picked the flowers because you like d them. The fact they were reduced is a bonus - no need to spend what you don't need to. You didn't choose them solely because they were cheaper because you described them and they sound lovely. If you had spent a fortune on a massive bouquet - it wouldn't prove you loved them more - jsut that you spent more money. It's how you feel about it that's important but I think the fact you took the time to go is the important factor.