So tired of my life at the moment

Mojisola

Peater wrote: »

Children consume love, attention and material possessions. That's all they know from a young age.

You can't expect them just to 'know' adult ethics and empathy as soon as they turn 18. They are still children and still need gradual education/weening into adult life.

Not by the time they're 18 - they're adults!

The 'gradual education' should start as soon as they are able to help pick up their toys. It's too late to do this without trauma and dramatics by the time they're 18 and they (and everyone they live with) will have an awful time of it until the young adults realise that they are supposed to be responsible people.

hayday75

wow !
I thought i was the only one going through this.:mad:
My daughter is 16 and so messy and lazy , it really gets me down.I tell myself i am not going to clean her room but it gets so bad i do.
I have already tried the mouse:),didn't work .
She is on holiday at the moment and the house is spotless ,will be watching this thread with great interest

Prothet_of_Doom

My wife has two rules.

1) Listen to me. If you think I'm wrong tell me why in sentences why you think I'm wrong then I will listen to you, go away, think about it, and come back to tell you that I was wrong, or why I think I'm right, and you can think about it and let me know what you think. Do not raise your voice or slam the door.
2) You can have as much mess in your room as you want. Unless it makes it to the washing pile it will not get washed. When we go to bed the downstairs has to be tidy, because I can't make breakfast in a dirty kitchen. So please help me clean this up. I can't do it all.

It took me 20 years to understand her rules because she never actually said them, but I told the kids that what she means when she's screaming at them. Seems to have done the trick.

Peater

Mojisola wrote: »

Not by the time they're 18 - they're adults!

I'm sorry, i just vehemently disagree with that.

Mojisola

Peater wrote: »

I'm sorry, i just vehemently disagree with that.

When do you think a person becomes an adult?

Peater

I don't think you can just simply attribute a number.

18 is the age the government recognises a person as an adult. All that means is that is the age at wish they can realistically start earning (& spending) enough to be taxed and can be targeted by election campaigns.

Getting disappointed/frustrated with a 'young person' that they haven't suddenly become an adult on the stroke of midnight on their 18th birthday is ludicrous.

Mojisola

Peater wrote: »

Getting disappointed/frustrated with a 'young person' that they haven't suddenly become an adult on the stroke of midnight on their 18th birthday is ludicrous.

It would be ludicrous - that's why their progression from child to adult is an on-going process. Being responsible by 18 to live their own lives (not just keep their bedroom tidy!) is the goal to be aimed at over those years.

pukkamum

I would pick up all the stuff she has left around the house put it in a binbag and empty it on her bed, icluding dirty dishes etc, having to clear her bed every night before she can get in it may do the trick.
If you want to be able to hoover her room or you are worried about rodents etc do this with the stuff on the floor of her room too.

YoungBusinessman

Sit them down and warn them if they keep acting like a child, you will treat them like one. Not allowed out/go to anything, their bordom will outdo the laziness they had when they had freedom to do as they please.

Nottoobadyet

By time I was 18, I had been living alone and overseas from my family for two years. I had a full time job with management responsibility (in a call centre, graveyard shift) on top of full time studies, a serious relationship and was covering all of my own costs including fees.

And I was a complete slob Even though the places I lived were "mine" in that I paid all the expenses, I was perfectly happy living with all my clothes on the floor, having just one set of sheets and eating plain pasta for dinner every night. I think a switch must turn on at some point which turns you into a moderately functional person.

In the meantime, though this is clearly stressing you out. She needs to respect you the same way she does other people. Lay down the law, I say, or she can move out and see if flatmates are willing to put up with her habits.