How to help son make friends

Quackers

Lots of good advice here
Just thought you might like to read my post here so you know that there is a friend out there for everyone - it just takes time to find them!! :
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=470229

Kimitatsu

filigree wrote: »

Wow, thanks for all the replies, I'm quite overwhelmed :T

I don't know about local Scouts or Boys Brigade, I'll do some research into that. I'm not sure about Scouts because my memory of Brownies and Guides is that there was compulsory church attendance and we're not Christians, but I will find out if they're more flexible in our multi-faith 21st century society.

Living with our special children is certainly a challenge! I wouldn't change him for the world, I just wish he was happier. Anyone who doesn't want to be his friend doesn't know what they're missing, he's got a wicked sense of humour. I think all our kids should get together and be friends, and stuff the boring kids who aren't obsessed with foxgloves and Doctor Who :rotfl:

Hi

Scouts does certainly not have compulsory church attendance! My Other half is a scout leader to an "unusual pack"! We have 2 boys suffering from tourettes, 1 ADHD, 1 Aspergers several have learning difficulties, the rest are just boys and the others rub along with them - oh and there are only 18 in the pack. They do everything that all of the other Scouts do, we dont make any exceptions, and they all have a whale of a time! This year is a great time to get them involved as it is the centenary scout year and there are lots of opportunities to do fun things.

It takes a little while for the ones who have "differences" (said tongue in cheek!) to settle in but to be honest it is fantastic to see. They quickly come around to talking to everyone and dont feel "different".

You need to talk to the Scout Leader and ensure that their pack is as mad as ours :rotfl: but in the main he will fit right in if you can get the right one Details of local packs can be found on https://www.scouts.org.uk

Rachie_B

Carmina_Piranha wrote: »

it's hard for them to just join a club or lesson when they don't know anyone isn't it. a teacher at our school engineered a friendship between her son and mine, and then my son joined boys brigade because he already knew the teacher's son who went there. they've grown apart now, the teacher's son has grown up and has other interests, and he's light years away from mine socially, he will be going to a different high school anyhow. it was great while it lasted though.

i'm going to a parents evening at the high school soon, just for adults. i hope i'll be able to ask about clubs, see if there's a doctor who club - that would be the most likely place for spud to meet kids who are like him. he's not actually diagnosed with AS, and i was never sure if he was AS or if it was part of dyspraxia which he definitely has whether the paediatrician agreed or not. he was statemented for nursery because the special needs nursery was full, he kept the statement until year 3 of school. he's still on the SEN register as far as i know, and that's why i was able to ask about getting him in a class with his mate. maybe they'll do a mentor thing where he can have another kid making sure he's not bullied, showing him where the clubs are held etc. - i hope the school does that!

filigree chessington or thorpe sounds good - we live near alton towers but we know so many children who've never been. it gives them HUGE kudos at school to say they went to AT (but my lad who has an annual pass and goes 20 times a year never brags lol!) and it sort of gives my son an aura of 'cool' when the other kids brag to the class about him taking them there. i also give him birthday parties that everyone wants to go to. it all sounds quite petty of me doesn't it, but he enjoys friendship when other kids approach him, but never approaches them or suggests meeting up at the weekend. i try to give him as many reasons for other kids to approach him as possible.

dont know if youve come across it,but matts hideout is a good site for older children / teens with Dyspraxia ,theres a chat forum too

http://www.matts-hideout.co.uk/

veggie4life

filigree wrote: »

My 13 year old DS has a history of communication problems. He hasn't been diagnosed with Aspergers but he has some of the same kind of problems, particularly in his social skills. He literally had no friends at primary school, and at secondary school he only has one good friend. Thanks to this friend DS has a small group to hang round with but he hasn't really bonded with them.
DS is a sensitive little flower who likes golf and cooking and speaks "nicely" in an area where most of the kids speak Sarf London Chav. Let's face it, he's doomed to spend high school getting a kicking He lacks the sort of thick skin needed to get by. He is brighter than average but his learning difficulties mean he is usually in the bottom or middle ability sets and unfortunately the more troublesome pupils seem to be put in those classes. His best mate is in the gifted and talented scheme so they don't see each other in lesson times. Gawd, I sound like a right snob but I don't mean it like that. He is like a fish out of water though.
We've spoken to the school with limited success. As far as they are concerned, he is doing as well as expected in his lessons, he is well behaved and tries hard. He does have some friends and hasn't been the victim of bullying exactly - but he isn't happy. One small success is that I convinced them to make him a library monitor and that's boosted his self-esteem.
I'll try not to ramble on too much. I'd be grateful if anyone has tips on:
Hobbies or clubs that would suit a painfully shy kid with learning and physical disabilities - perhaps a club for less able children or even one for kids with ASD. Unfortunately a lot of mainstream hobbies are competitive, and if you aren't good at that activity it stops being fun.
How to find a suitable therapist, perhaps one that could work on his conversation skills with him. He's been signed off by the NHS speech therapy service so we would have to pay, but this is something I'd be willing to consider if it helped him.
I guess there is a national support group for kids with Aspergers - do you think they would let us join even though he's not diagnosed? His official diagnosis is "Pragmatic speech disorder, poor social skills and dyspraxia" which in my opinion is near as dammit the same thing!
Any thoughts appreciated

well this thread is going to make me come clean!

I am a sixxteen yo but so I am taken seriously most of the time i have assumed the alias of my dad!

When you described your son it was like someone was describing me. I had a very limited number of friends at junior school and when i moved to a school in an area far away (looking back a blessing in disguise) I was a loner for three long years!

That changed, however, in yr ten where I met good friends and gradually my network of friends grew.

I can imagine what you are going through because I know the immense stress my mum was under every day when i started high school!

I think it would be beneficial if you could find him some classes that could perhaps boost his confidence. On the outside I appeared resiliatn but inside every comment hurt and dented me. It took three years to develop the required confidence and classes like that could of really helped.

I visited my school just the other day and it was amazing to see the amount of kids just sitting on the benches completly alone.

I don't think theres any way to really ease the high school process but

try to fight for the best possible school you can smaller schools can better a smaller school really helped me. My mum had to appeal twice to get me in but persistence paid off.

confidence classes would really help.

make sure he goes to anything hes invited to

and most of all just be there for him when he needs you

You sound like a wonderful parent and its obvious you will do your utmost to look out for your son. I hope my post may of helped

p.s i live jsut next to the L.B of brent where the english language has deteriorated fast. I'm proud that in an area where people are losing their identity I still have a decent command over the english language make sure your sons proud too!

Also as for the sets thing when i started i was in bottom / middle sets and through a lot of graft A LOT OF GRAFT! I left the school in top / middle sets and am now predicted 100% passes with nothing less than a B

Good luck

Tyler
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