Furious at job centre unprofessionalism!

Georgiegirl256

Dunroamin wrote: »

It's all in the tone of voice, I could see that as being a useful suggestion if the adviser was helpful in other ways. I'm afraid it sounds as if your sister is over reacting.

Really? Definetly not over reacting IMO. We all have things we're sensitive about, and those scars can be quite noticeable sometimes, and hard to cover up if you don't want to wear a scarf all the time especially in this warm weather.

Also, you know what it's like, some days you're maybe more emotional than other days, you let things get to you more, some days someone could say something and it might just wash over you, others it can bring you to tears maybe, and this it seems is what happened to the OP's sister. The poor girl has already been through so much, and then for some insensitive woman to make a personal comment....well, IMO that is just not on.

You don't go around pointing out things about people to their face. A complaint should definetly be put in.

Delree

Nah get this woman sacked and ruin her life.

Georgiegirl256

fluffnutter wrote: »

Really? So it's the role of job centre staff to go around pointing out visible scars suggesting that it's a reason someone might not be very employable is it? Or that it's 'friendly' to point out people's imperfections? How utterly utterly rude. What next? Pointing at people's birthmarks or facial deformities saying 'can't you do something about that?' whilst looking a bit revolted?

OP, perhaps you could write to the job centre yourself if your sister's not feeling up to it. I doubt they'll need the complaint to come directly from her. Personally I think this is appalling.

Exactly. There was this young girl serving me last night in the bar where we went for dinner, and she had a big strawberry birth mark covering her chin, so that's like me saying "could you not put abit of makeup on to cover that up love?"

Person_one

When people used to ask me why I hadn't had a nose job, or if I was going to have one, it was definitely upsetting and humiliating.

We all know that appearance affects employability, sadly, that doesn't mean its ok for JC advisors to start pointing out people's physical imperfections and suggesting surgery!

I'd complain, but temper it with all the good stuff she did to help, she was probably unthinking rather than deliberately cruel and just needs a wake up call.

Nada666

Your rant is rather self-contradictory.

You claim your sister wants to work, doesn't like her situation, wants to be treated normally - but you are saying she should kick up a fuss about an unprofessional comment made.

As others have said there is not much to support that this was made with any bad intent - and with your sister's position anything can trigger upset - there is no correct way. If someone stares at her throat, she could be upset; if someone notices her throat but then pointedly avoids looking at it for the rest of the conversation she could be upset; if someone keeps flicking to her eyes and to her throat she could be upset; if someone ignores her throat she could be upset.

Your sister is emotionally vulnerable and will take time to adjust. It is not that she has no fight left - she has to concentrate her strength on adjusting to her situation and not waste it fighting petty things YOU think she should. When your sister broke down and walked out the adviser would have realised her mistake and does not need to attend a powerpoint presentation to adjust her knowledge and behaviour - she will have learned from it.

Tiddlywinks

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Exactly. There was this young girl serving me last night in the bar where we went for dinner, and she had a big strawberry birth mark covering her chin, so that's like me saying "could you not put abit of makeup on to cover that up love?"

NO, it isn't.

The remark in question appears to have been made after a long conversation where the OP's sister apparently found the advisor to be helpful... it was said as an extension of a conversation... whereas your scenario is completely different.

The OP should be concentrating on helping her sister deal with her life and not be directing her anger at someone who actually appears to have been trying to be supportive.

Georgiegirl256

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

NO, it isn't.

The remark in question appears to have been made after a long conversation where the OP's sister apparently found the advisor to be helpful... it was said as an extension of a conversation... whereas your scenario is completely different.

The OP should be concentrating on helping her sister deal with her life and not be directing her anger at someone who actually appears to have been trying to be supportive.

The waitress was helpful to me. The point being made was that you just don't go round making observations about people's appearance to their face. You don't know someone's state of mind, some people wouldn't let it bother them, others (like the OP's sister) might be in a more fragile state of mind.

I agree that the advisor probably did say it without thinking and didn't mean to cause upset, but some people really should reign their mouth in and think before they speak.

Tiddlywinks

cazziebo wrote: »

Warning - this is a rant..........

She went to the job centre yesterday. Woman she saw "was very nice" - she won't be forced to look for work for 24 months because of her "condition". (My sister won't accept she has a condition- she wants to work) The advisor then pointed to the scar on her neck. "Can't they do something about that? Plastic surgery or something?" My sister is so upset. She said she burst into tears on the spot and just left. I told her to complain, if only to stop the adviser being so insensitive with future clients. She won't - no fight left.

I'm raging :mad:

Also, this isn't about you, your rant or your rage... This should be about helping your sister move forward.

Making her complain will just drag this whole thing out and reinforce what she saw as a negative comment.

You weren't there... Your sister thought the woman was 'very nice'... You have no idea of the tone, context etc...

If you want to help, support your sister and encourage her to access counselling.

unholyangel

While I agree the comment simply shouldn't have been made, we have no idea what the rest of their conversation was.

It could be that OP's sister was discussing what happened, her surgery etc and then the girl made her blunder.

That being said....some Jobcentre workers have no compassion at all. But OP said girl was really nice etc so perhaps just a faux pas rather than nastiness behind it.

seven-day-weekend

I asked my friend recently whether some therapy she is having was helping.

Her face changed and she went all white and pale, muttered 'yes I suppose so' and then clammed up. It was obvious I'd upset her, although when I asked I meant it kindly. We've since sorted things out, and I will not ask anything about her therapy or whether it is helping, she will tell me if she wishes.

Perhaps it is something like that here? That the person did not know how much their kindly suggestion would upset the person concerned?