Cost of looking around universities on Open days

Savvy_Sue

Who's choosing these courses and universities, the OP's DD or her parents?

In my day, we took ourselves off to any visits we wanted to make. I didn't consider it any of my parents' business where I went (about as far away from home as I could ...) and nor did DH.

I did tell DS1 that I knew a bit about universities, having worked at a couple in my time. I explained how they were set up in different ways: collegiate (Oxford, Cambridge, Durham); campus (Essex, Bath, Surrey); city (Bristol, Manchester, Liverpool). This gives a different feel / buzz, and I asked him to think about what he thought would suit him best. Then I left him to get on with it.

DS1: I took him to Birmingham and Warwick, because I wanted to go. I also took him and 3 friends to Southampton, but there I dropped them off at the campus and headed down to West Quays for the shopping. He took himself to Reading and Bristol and didn't bother visiting his 6th choice which was very much a filler. I liked Warwick because they spent more time 'selling themselves' to the prospective students than to the parents, and split us up for most of the day. I hated Birmingham. Very glad he chose Warwick, and he loved it.

DS2: He took himself to Cambridge for an overnight stay, and went with a friend to Warwick and saw his brother. He declined to visit Durham and London. He loved Warwick too.

DS3: I can't remember where he looked apart from Bristol (took himself) and Sussex. We took him to Sussex (partly our choice, and partly because the train journey was ridiculous!), and it was the first time DH had gone to an Open Day. DH found the whole day completely unbelievable, and wondered whose benefit these days were organised for. The staff seemed more interested in us than in our son, right down to the lab technicians. As if WE had any influence in where he went!!!

Mercifully DS3 chose Bristol - although if he'd gone to Warwick I'd have asked if they'd do a "3 for the price of 2". :rotfl:

jacques_chirac wrote: »

Who is insisting that the parents attend, or that you need to be there at 9am? Next time offer to take daughter to train station and let her go on her own/ with friends!

Absolutely!

welshbookworm wrote: »

She felt that I could get any info I needed from the internet but, she needed to get the 'atmosphere' (shopping and nightlife:) )

:rotfl: Actually the shopping was my main consideration on our travels ...

Another thing I told our boys was that if they went to a Uni within a 2 hour radius of home, they'd be far more likely to be driven to and fro at the beginning and end of each term, and that worked well. I said I'd make an exception if they went to Durham (my alma mater) or Manchester / Liverpool (because I'd be able to visit / stay with a sibling).

The only one of them who seems to NEED that lift is the one who's closest, but then it is rather difficult to get several guitars and an amp on a bike, and he can't possibly come home without a certain amount of noise-making equipment.

Savvy_Sue

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Not so much telling us what we have to do as being given the opportunity to tell us what she thinks she needs from us.

Child is wanting at least one of us to come and join in the experience, so she can see how her opinions compare to ours.

We both had very hands off parents who never got involved, never expressed an opinion, never gave any advice, and neither of us found the lack of encouragement a great thing. My wife's parents much worse in that respect, not even coming to the station 200 yards from their house to wave her off to Nurse training some 120 miles away.

I think my wife is probably over compensating, and I'm just blindly letting it happen.

Well, it starts to make sense, although I'm not sure I was waved off at the bus stop, and I went rather more than 120 miles!!!

However, can I suggest that your DD does some visits on her own, or with friends, and then if she really likes them, you could maybe go back and visit at a convenient time.

And also, although I've said how I felt about the places I visited with my sons, I kept my opinion to myself until I knew how they felt! Partly because I feared that if I said I'd really liked somewhere, they might decide not to go there on principle ... :rotfl:

Pont

TheEffect wrote: »

Let her go on her own. I did. Think of it as initiation into student life/growing up/becoming an adult.

Never mind the initiation into student life - my initiation to the life of a student parent was:-

1) Be a 'hands' on parent for the first ever university open day as that's what you are 'supposed' to do.

2) At said open day be the gobby parent who dares to ask questions at the Welcome Session.

3) Spend next hour apologising to daughter for 'like ruining her life forever' for 'like asking totally saddo questions' (see above).

4) See back end of daughter as potential next year roomies take her off to the Student Union to drown her sorrows re: having a 'totally' embarassing parent (already mentioned).

5) Meet all of the likewise 'loser' parents in wine bar over the road from campus and discuss 'where did we all go wrong' with the knowing looks of bar staff that they've heard it all before (every open day!).

6) Never venture to such an ordeal ever again! Slip your kid £50 and tell them they're all grown up now and leave them to it!

Been there once with daughter 1 - have learnt my lesson and will never venture there again with daughter 2.

OP save your money and your dignity (and your kid's street cred)....don't do it!

Savvy_Sue

Love it Pont, love it! :rotfl:

BTW, we have a 16 yo staying with us atm. Normally lives in France, came to us via the USA, unaccompanied. Can't help wondering why an 18 yo can't get to a Uni within the UK unaccompanied ...

Although we have another young friend who's been doing A levels in the UK, parents usually live abroad so they've been staying with other friends throughout. This one HAS gone off to all their interviews and open days unaccompanied, and been greeted with some astonishment at at least one Uni as a result ...

laurel7172

I'm school staff, so I can't attend many open days. I did drive DD to Plymouth on a Saturday(270 miles each way, getting up at 4am for a 10am start) and returned the same evening. Cost-about £65 for diesel with a free lunch (and a walk along the Hoe with my once-little girl and an ice cream a nice bonus).

Other than that, she has had to take the train (booked as far in advance as possible) herself. Maximum cost £55 plus lunch. Not many do attend without parents, admittedly, but DD tells me the lecturers spend more time chatting to the unaccompanied, and the unaccompanied spend more time chatting to each other and comparing notes, which I figure is probably more valuable than any input I'd have to offer.

And, though in our case it is needs must, and DD has been nervous about finding universities in strange cities, it has genuinely done her good to find that she doesn't need her mum to do that for her after all.

flea72

I think because parents now have to contribute financially towards their childs uni costs, they expect to have a bit more input, or at least give a different perspective.

I know that my DD was swayed by the flashiness of some establishments (wow free pen/notepad and star turns for freshers week) whereas i pointed out the day to day practicalities of living there.

I love the 'discussions' when viewing accommodation, between what the child wants and what the parent can afford. But if you dont go, you dont know what your money can get

As for going with friends, DD has yet to find a friend who wants to look,around the same unis, or has the money to just go along for the fun of it. Also every open day i have been to is on a wednesday (due to no classes that day), so you have to take a day off college to go. DDs tutors werent happy about this (counted as unauthorised absence) so im sure her friends wouldnt want to waste their time effectively bunking college to keep my DD company

As already said, most unis do expect prospective students to attend with parents, as they know kids are fairly wet nowadays and wont last the 3 years being away from home, if they dont get continual support. I went with my DD but i expected her to approach staff and do the talking. Invariably parents and students were split for the day, so we could ask questions without embarrassing them

I would think it odd if my child didnt want my input or opinion about such a big life decision. If i didnt go along on the journey with them, then how could i give an informed opinion. Yes, ultimately the decision was my DDs, but at least i knew how and why she came to that decision and i can see that she made the right choice for her

rosalie-lavender

flea72 wrote: »

All unis i have visited have had a strict itinery for the day, which have lasted from about 9am-3pm. If you rock up when you want, you miss out on things or disrupt everyone else who turned up on time.

Now i see why so many students arrive late to class. I just thought it was natural, but it seems its nurtured.

That is interesting because none of the places we looked at for my daughter started as early as 9am. Most of them started no earlier than 10. I don't recall my sons having to get to any as early as 9 either when they were looking. The itineries at the places they looked were quite flexible and you booked into the specific talks you wanted. Perhaps it varies dependent on subject/university.

Departmental taster days after they received offers and auditions are a bit different, but then if you can't turn up to an audition on time you can hardly expect to be offered a place.

Savvy_Sue

flea72 wrote: »

I think because parents now have to contribute financially towards their childs uni costs, they expect to have a bit more input, or at least give a different perspective.

Not all parents can afford to contribute financially, and none of them HAVE to do so. My contribution extends to them living at home rent-free during holidays (if they had stayed at home as a student, I'd have expected some rent from their loan!), buying clothes and shoes, and lifts to and from Uni and when at home.

They know they can have all the emotional and psychological support they need, but they're certainly not wet.

nimbo

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Grrrr.

So Child 2 is on a mission to attend as many university open days in as many far off places as she can, and insists that if possible both parents attend. We are based in Miseryside.

OK so you hate the welcome talks - go late... Stop staying over at hotels - this is crazy - your daughter has no need to know anything about local places to stay... But she does need to get a feel for the camous's of the universities, as it will make a difference to her experience...

Universities will all run things all day long, you may miss certain aspects of the day - but what she needs to see will be available all day long.

Get her to ask to see the library shelves for her subject - she won't get the personal service, but she'll see what she needs to see...

Any day of the year she can ask students for their perspective of the university...

Gently point out to your daughter how much this is costing you all, point out that if she has less parental income spent on visiting all of these universities, then she will be able to blow more cash when you move her into halls, and take her to Adsa or the likes....

She's nervous, and wants the support, and to know that she is making the right decision - and not all halls are alike - she needs to hear her mum say that she'll have no storage, and that the kitchen is minging....

Hermia

I went to all my open days on my own. I certainly wouldn't have expected my parents to fork out money on staying overnight etc.

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Once you've seen one student halls of residence and typical room, you have seen every single one in the country. They are all the same.

I do think you need to visit a university. You just can't get a feel for a place from the website or prospectus. Seeing what the current students were like was hugely important to me. Also meeting the lecturers is really important. If every lecturer you listen to on the open day bores you senseless there is no point signing up for three years of having to listen to them!