Hyper toddler and tired Mum

WantToBeSE

My youngest (now 9 yrs old) was never a handful though, so i think a lot of it is just down to personality.

pigpen

My oldest was exactly the same.. He had his own 'thinking chair' once he got to nursery. He was quite simply a little $h!t BUT... he was witty and funny and clever and quite advanced in many areas .. apart from the ability to sit still! He is nearly 22 now and hasn't changed a bit, but at least he moved out! I think the one thing that saved his life was he went to bed at 7pm and stayed there until 8ish next morning! Had he not slept I might have put him in the bin!

What I will add though so you don't fear the worst.. Whenever we took him out or he visited relatives or friends they would compliment his manners and say how lovely he was etc He was a holy terror at school but anywhere else he was wonderful.

Consequences are quite difficult with toddlers who have absolutely no concept of what they are.. distraction is the best way with mine I've found.

Spilling drinks.. give him a lidded beaker and keep your drinks put of reach.

You and OH need to be giving the same message and not giving in to tantrums.. if he throws a wobbly getting in the car just sit there until he stops and then strap him in.. you don't need to give in to demands just sit there in silence until it has run its course.

My oldest daughter was a misery guts and whined constantly .. at her 2 year check the HV asked her to stack blocks.. she did nt want to stack blocks so went into a full on melt down and did her usual trick of holding her breath until she lost consciousness (my sister used to headbutt the floor until she knocked herself out!).. the HV almost died.. she asked what I did when she threw tantrums like this.. my reply was 'I do exactly what I am doing now and let her get on with it.' She did outgrow this and was ok for the rest of her growing up.

There is no magic wand to make it all better you just have to find what works for you.

tesuhoha

One tip that I read about when my kids were small was when they have a strop/tantrum put your arms around them very firmly and hold them still. Do not let them move until they calm down and stop struggling.

I tried it a couple of times with my kids and it worked. I did not have to do it again after that. Don't know why it worked and I suppose it might not with everyone. However, it really calmed them down. It think maybe it reminds them of being swaddled/being in the womb.

Make-it-3

Firstly, he sounds like a normal, healthy two year old - ie a lot of work! They really do seem to pick up on when we are stressed, busy or our patience is low.

A few suggestions to help you get thru the next few weeks and beyond:

Definitely agree with picking your battles. So ask yourself is it really important that they do/don't do what you ask right now?

Its good to let them feel like they have some control over decision making. Ie if they only want chocolate offer them the choice of an apple or a banana.

Diversion - if they are heading for mischief, say "let's play this"

Get them to help with tasks, they probably won't do them very well but it helps them feel included.

I agree if they can't be sensible with open cups, put them back into "baby" cups until they have learnt to drink like a "big boy/girl".

Think ahead and know your flash points, ie times when they are likely to play up and you need them not to ie getting them dressed, into the car, pushchair etc because you need to be on your way. (They just don't get "we'll be late"). Have tactics to accomplish your goals. If my DD brushes her teeth, she can play with the running tap while I do mine. She gets to play with my phone while I brush her hair. To get her in the pushchair to go out I get her excited about whether the cat on the corner (of our road) will be there or not today. You could invent some game that he gets to play (spot the red bus) once he is in his car seat and you are on your way to nursery.

I also find giving her plenty of warning when we need to finish up something that is fun. So telling her we've got to go home/get out of the bath in ten mins, then five, then two etc works well.

Follow through with the chosen consequences for bad behaviour as with everything they are doing at this age its them establishing/testing boundaries.

Finally, don't be too hard on yourself, parenting is hard work, we all make mistakes, contradict our partners on disciplining issues etc - most of them turn out ok in the end!

mcja

tesuhoha wrote: »

One tip that I read about when my kids were small was when they have a strop/tantrum put your arms around them very firmly and hold them still. Do not let them move until they calm down and stop struggling.

I tried it a couple of times with my kids and it worked. I did not have to do it again after that. Don't know why it worked and I suppose it might not with everyone. However, it really calmed them down. It think maybe it reminds them of being swaddled/being in the womb.

I remember being told the same thing as well..something to do with confusion and feeling loved.

pigpen

tesuhoha wrote: »

One tip that I read about when my kids were small was when they have a strop/tantrum put your arms around them very firmly and hold them still. Do not let them move until they calm down and stop struggling.

I tried it a couple of times with my kids and it worked. I did not have to do it again after that. Don't know why it worked and I suppose it might not with everyone. However, it really calmed them down. It think maybe it reminds them of being swaddled/being in the womb.

I tried that once and got a swift headbutt to the face causing my mouth to bleed a wobbly tooth and then the associated kicking and biting..

a few of mine would go hysterical if you tried restraining them in that manner even if they were happy.. and I can understand why.

tesuhoha

pigpen wrote: »

I tried that once and got a swift headbutt to the face causing my mouth to bleed a wobbly tooth and then the associated kicking and biting..

a few of mine would go hysterical if you tried restraining them in that manner even if they were happy.. and I can understand why.

They do have to be quite young to respond. No older than two I would say. They will struggle at first but the point is to hold them still until they stop struggling and calm down, which they eventually do.

susancs

OP, he sounds like a lovely, bright, lively toddler. I personally found "Toddler Taming" by Dr C Green was very useful after it was recommended to me by a friend . The book is an easy read, with lots of humour, gives great tips for dealing with challenging behaviour. If you go on Amazon you can look inside the pages of the book.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/New-Toddler-Taming-bestselling-parenting/dp/0091902584/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373472837&sr=8-1&keywords=toddler+taming+book#_

pigpen

tesuhoha wrote: »

They do have to be quite young to respond. No older than two I would say. They will struggle at first but the point is to hold them still until they stop struggling and calm down, which they eventually do.

see post you quoted..

It is a scary and distressing thing to subject a small child to.. not safe for whoever is holding them either.

Surely giving them space in a safe place to deal with the overwhelming emotion is better than you getting hurt and angry and possibly hurting the child too.

ciderwithrosie_2

pigpen wrote: »

I tried that once and got a swift headbutt to the face causing my mouth to bleed a wobbly tooth

Ouch!! We used to say our youngest had a head like a wrecking ball. I'm sure that's why my nose is crooked now, he probably broke it a couple of times... felt like it!!