Hyper toddler and tired Mum

georgie262

Hi, I've just come on here to get any advice or support really. i know there is no magic/1 size fits all answer but I'm hoping someone might say something that either makes me feel I'm not on my own or 'oooh that might work I've not thought of that'.
Me and my husband work full time and my 23 month old son is in nursery full time. The problems I have with him are numerous. He is so hyper... he literally doesn't stop from morning till night and I am exhasted. Even the girls in the nursery jokingly say they have no idea how I cope at home and he is the most boisterous one they have (they have a total of 84 kids). He doesn't listen to a word I say when he doesn't want to. I'll often catch him looking at me as he's about to do something he shouldn't e.g pour a drink over the carpet, he knows he shouldn't do it but looks at me I say 'NO we do not pour drinks over' and then he'll continue to do it anyway and then he'll laugh at me when i tell him off. I can normally cope with this behaviour quite well but recently it's really getting to me as I'm stressed at work and I'm feeling that I'm getting no rest when I'm not at work. DH didn't help this morning, when we were trying to get DS into the car to drive to nursery he was throwing a strop for his dummy (which he only has at bedtimes and naptimes) which was in his nursery bag. He was really throwing a tantrum and arching his back so we couldn't get him into his seat and DH just snapped and gave him his dummy even when I said not to so then things were frosty between us. I just feel so tired and emotional about it all I dont know how I can get DS to listen to me. Theres a girl at work who's son is a few months younger than mine and she is always saying how good he is and that he's a credit to her and I'm starting to wonder where I'm going wrong. She works part time and I work full time - could this be a factor? Am I not spending enough time with him? I have been so negativ here and he's not a 'bad' child he is very caring with his family and with other children, he doesn't hit or bite. He is just so strong willed and I feel like I'm losing the battle. Sorry to go on so much. Any advice would be appreciated

liney

From an objective point of view:

He looks at you and misbehaves anyway. Consequences?
You gave in to his tantrum, so this will happen again.

You say the nursery say he is always on the go, but is he badly behaved there?

He is all but two years old: they don't call them the terrible twos for nothing! Perhaps if you are feeling abit guilty about working full time you are being abit reluctant to follow through with consequences? It's the only way they learn... and your friend will probably go through a similiar stage with her little angel soon enough.

At two years old, long explanations are pointless. A firm 'No' and removing him to time out, or distracting him with something else is the way to to, IMO.

fluffnutter

1. You're not going wrong
2. Your friend's lying about her son
3. All working mothers feel guilty
4. 23 month old children are little buggers

He's still very young to appreciate consequences and everything's a game. Keep removing him from whatever situation he's misbehaving in, e.g. take the cup away etc. Try to get your OH's support but also try not to turn this into a battle between you. Yes, he gave your son the dummy, but we all make poor parenting decisions occasionally and your husband's fuse was simply a little shorter than yours this morning. Try to enlist the help of family or friends as much as possible, even if it's just meeting up for a chat. Support really helps and stops you feeling isolated and guilty.

He sounds like a lovely little boy. Lively and loving. Just like little boys should be. This won't last for ever, I promise.

georgie262

If he is badly behaved at nursery they never tell me. They did say he threw a tantrum yesterday over eating his dinner at the table with the other toddlers refused to do it and cried for a good 20 minutes. They said they just ignored him and he came round but that's the only time they have ever said anything about his behaviour they just comment all the time that he's tireless and I'm always signing accident forms because he's so fearless.
I know he's not even 2 and it's par for the course at this age I suppose I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself. I do have quiet time and consequences when he's naughty it's DH who gives in and then I listen to myself having a go at him sounding like I'm so superior and I hate it.

shelley_crow

I feel for you, my youngest is similar to your son, which was a shock as my eldest was angelic! I'm at home with him until he starts his funded nursery place in September, so i don't think your working is a factor. Toddlers all have their own personalities and quirks
, being full of beans is a prime example, its just the way they are.

We are firm with him and anything naughty has consequences. I think its just a case of being firm and consistent and waiting for him to grow out of it.

fluffnutter

There's very few couples in the land who parent in exactly the same way. Inevitably one of you thinks the other is too soft/hard. Unless you're completely way off kilter with each other (e.g. you like to wallop sense into your son, your husband's a pacifist) I think it's easier to simply accept that you do things slightly differently. It's better that than arguing between you. Provided your OH's not totally undermining the decisions you make, could you try to let it go?

sassyblue

georgie262 wrote: »

Even the girls in the nursery jokingly say they have no idea how I cope at home and he is the most boisterous one they have

She works part time and I work full time - could this be a factor? Am I not spending enough time with him? I have been so negativ here and he's not a 'bad' child he is very caring with his family and with other children, he doesn't hit or bite. He is just so strong willed and I feel like I'm losing the battle.

No you are not doing anything wrong! The nursery have mentioned your son is boisterous and full of energy but they haven't said he's naughty or vicious have they?

You have a strong willed toddler there but he WILL get easier as he grows l'm sure.

Go easy on hubby, you both wanted to get to work so he did something you disagreed with but it worked. Though l agree try not to do it anymore if you don't want it to. One of the best bits of advice l had at this demanding age was PICK YOUR BATTLES, if you don't everything is a battle and it's not constructive to anyone. As for tipping his drink out, put him back in sippy cups.

ALL the boisterous toddlers l knew have calmed down and gone on to be lovely children, yours will too l'm sure. xx

PinkLipgloss

I think it is crucial that you sit down with your husband and discuss/share your expectations with regards to your sons behaviour.

He should understand that by undermining you he is actually sending a clear message to your son - i.e. "You don't have to bother listening to Mum as Dad will give in to you anyways."

Over and above your sons behaviour - how do you feel your relationship is with him? My son recently turned two and I became concerned by my lack of quality time with him (I was teaching full time). I reduced my hours to part-time (2 months ago) and I can't emphasise enough how much of a difference I feel this has made. His speech, independence etc have come on in leaps and bounds. More importantly, I feel like we have really strengthened our mother/son bond. I know I made the right decision.

However, everyones circumstances are different and I appreciate it might not be the right choice for you.

sassyblue

fluffnutter wrote: »

1. You're not going wrong
2. Your friend's lying about her son
3. All working mothers feel guilty
4. 23 month old children are little buggers

Not sure about No.2 some kids can be quiet and well behaved alot.

But as for 1, 3 and 4...... *applauds*

fluffnutter

sassyblue wrote: »

Not sure about No.2 some kids can be quiet and well behaved alot.

Fair dos. Perhaps he is an easy child. But that's no reason to brag about him. Mothers who bang on to other mothers about how well-behaved their children are... no thanks

And, as an aside, why do we, as a society, reward compliance and 'quietness' in children? Nowt wrong with being lively.

mcja

Firstly, congratulations, you have a healthy little BOY!

He may be testing boundaries, being a little monkey, pushing your limits but that's what kids at his age do. Nursery told you he had a tantrum which suggests they would tell you if he was being naughty.
Kids at his age just seem to realising who they are and what they can do (pour a drink, demand dummy). The 'trick' is to follow through with any threats ( if you do X mummy will do Y: naughty step, take a toy/marble etc!). Agree consequences with your hubby although mine ignores the disciplines we agreed on anyway:mad:.

You are doing nothing wrong and a lot right. As a PP said the other mum is either lying or her son is ill. No 2yo boy that I know is perfectly behaved all the time.

I have been through tricky times (along with evryother mum) with my 2 but somehow they have got to 9&6 with us all in one piece. There have been times when I have been in tears or felt like throwing them out of a window but we have got through it and so will you. It's a hard phase.

Good luck, and remember be consistent.