Hyper toddler and tired Mum

Alikay

As your son is in nursery full-time, I wondered whether he is a bit overstimulated? Often at nurseries they drop their daytime nap earlier, or just have a quick catnap whereas at home they'd have an hour or two sleeping in bed. I've found that little ones of 2 or 3 often get boisterous and silly when overtired and seem to lose the ability to control themselves, so the tantrums and running around like a wild thing get worse later in the day.

georgie262

Thanks everyone for your supportive/constructive advice. I know he's just a demanding toddler getting to know what he can cant do but I'm so busy at work this week. I'm bridesmaid 3 times over this year and have a lot of organising to do in my spare time too so I just feel like I'm not on top of things and small things that would not normally bother me are getting to me. I would love to work part time but it wouldn't be cleared at my school they say its a full time job and not suitable for a job share. I do however get school holidays so I suppose its a trade off. We have a good relationship usually he's loving and we spend a lot of quality time together when we get home(he is a total daddy's boy though).

georgie262

Alikay - he does still have 1.5 - 2 hours in the day even at nursery but I now what you mean and I have wondered because I can see it a mile off when he's overtired he just gets more silly than usual

z.n

Hi
My DS (now 15) used to have pretty major tantrums. At 3 he had a huge one at the zoo. I was forced into action I had not tried before. Unable to physically manhandle him away ( I had DD in a pushchair) I had to wait for it to finish. The process taught me you cannot negotiate, argue or shout at a tantrum, only wait calmly for it to dissipate-any interaction will simply feed it. On that occasion I waited for 45 minutes (it was a real biggie) but my reward was a small round of applause and a pat on the back from the customers of the adjacent cafe (a mix of parents and grandparents thankfully.) From that day no other tantrum was ever nearly as bad- I realised the problem was my lack of time. Small children are regimented in their many routines but that all goes out the window when tantrums occur-they need the time they need.

As to the causes of tantrums I think the answer is stress. Any 'rush rush' attitude, emotional upset, worry about a new situation, tiredness, illness, stress in me, overstimulation from too much noise or visual feedback was likely to trigger a tantrum. I see them as a legitimate response to overwhelming stimulation that runs out of control. That being so I took the tack of comforting DS if he had a tantrum-once it was all over. I let him indulge freely and kept a close eye for it to abate and stepped in immediately sensible communication seemed possible. A bit like click and reward in dog training actually. Depending on the cause, that opportunity could occur quite quickly- but if the problem was me not giving in to a demand then it took longer- but at the end, no matter the cause, he still needed to be comforted and have the 'rules' explained. DS is 15 this month and this approach still works-but I have to work a bit harder to get the hug started.

Pure naughtiness is also normal I think- more so for boys because they are happy to disobey to your face just to see where the lines are drawn. Consistent calm confirmation of the lines is recommended but so hard to do. Sometimes the solution is to set up the situation on your own terms so that you can demonstrate calm control. Engage someone to help and support if helpful. eg Wait for the naughty behaviour and then just pick him up and leave a party- make him think it is because of his behaviour (you know you were planning to leave then anyway.) Be clever about it so that you are never having to discipline in a rush .' The brighter and livelier he is the better prepared you need to be. I have found though that sometimes it does no harm for them to see they have really upset you-but that only really works when they are older and can actually control what they are about. Also make sure that the 'punishment' or consequence is not unduly harsh- loving firmness with a hug to console or make up and for a boy, not too much talking-actions speak louder than words.

mcja

Ah ha...he's a clever little boy, mummy's tired and busy so LET'S GET ATTENTION!! stick to your guns, give him little jobs and talk to him, about anything and everything. It all helps him feel included. It's not your fault..sometimes the real you and mummy you aren't compatible.

Oh !!!!!! just read that back and I hope you know what I mean, if not that sounds really rude

Metranil_Vavin

Alikay wrote: »

As your son is in nursery full-time, I wondered whether he is a bit overstimulated? Often at nurseries they drop their daytime nap earlier, or just have a quick catnap whereas at home they'd have an hour or two sleeping in bed. I've found that little ones of 2 or 3 often get boisterous and silly when overtired and seem to lose the ability to control themselves, so the tantrums and running around like a wild thing get worse later in the day.

I agree with the above. My son is 2.5, and I work 3 days a week and the other 2 I stay at home with him. I find that the days he goes to nursery, he often comes home overly tired and gets really silly and naughty, especially when OH gets in from work. Bedtimes can be challenging as he really plays up to OH, yet I find the 2 days I have him he is much calmer come the end of the day.

He still has a couple of hours sleep in his bed after lunch at home, but when I check the nursery log, I often find he has only napped for about 45 mins.

I know what it's like to crave some peace and quiet from it all. Could your OH maybe take him out one weekend day so you can have a bit of quiet time? In return you could take him another day so OH can have a break too.

it's tough being a mum, and juggling work as well can often feel like you're on the go constantly. I am off sick from work today as I am 8 months pregnant and feel I have completely overdone things recently, and my body is telling me to STOP.

georgie262

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

I know what it's like to crave some peace and quiet from it all. Could your OH maybe take him out one weekend day so you can have a bit of quiet time? In return you could take him another day so OH can have a break too.

Not really, thats the thing really OH is feeling a bit hard done by recently as I have had 2 hen parties in quick succession and ANOTHER one this weekend. It's just unfortunate that they have all fallen so close together. When we were arguing this morning he said (sarcastically) "go and have another weekend away with the girls" but in fairness to me I have only ever done overnight and there have been times when things he has organised have fallen close together. I get that he's tired and frustrated he works long hours in a stressful job but I couldn't really help it. Asking him to take DS out for the day without me would excerbate the situation. He wouldn't want me to take DS out to 'give him a break' because he works such long hours and feels the weekends are his time to spend time with him. DH's parents are great and are having DS for the weekend soon as we are having friends over and going to a local festival so that will be something to look forward to. I'm so envious of people who have family close by

Metranil_Vavin

Me too. We have zero family support as my parents are old and frail and can't help, and OH's parents live over 3.5 hours away.

So at least you have had a few nights out recently to blow off a bit of steam? Sounds like your OH could do with a break!

WantToBeSE

Honestly, they do stop at some point.
My 13 year old was a NIGHTMARE when he was younger, wouldn't keep still for 2 mins, and i constantly got asked if he had ADHD (he didnt).
My friend seemed to have the opposite, and would constantly tell me how much of an angel her son was (our boys were the same age), and i felt like i was doing something wrong.

fast forward 11 years, our boys are now 13. Mine has totally settled down (apart from the teenage hormones), works reasonably hard at school and is generally a good boy. Her 'little angel' however, is a different story! He is a nightmare now, and i just nod in smugness when she tells me of his latest exploits

She had another son too, who is on the cusp of being excluded from school at 7 years old, and neither her or her husband can control him.

georgie262

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Honestly, they do stop at some point.
My 13 year old was a NIGHTMARE when he was younger, wouldn't keep still for 2 mins, and i constantly got asked if he had ADHD (he didnt).
My friend seemed to have the opposite, and would constantly tell me how much of an angel her son was (our boys were the same age), and i felt like i was doing something wrong.

fast forward 11 years, our boys are now 13. Mine has totally settled down (apart from the teenage hormones), works reasonably hard at school and is generally a good boy. Her 'little angel' however, is a different story! He is a nightmare now, and i just nod in smugness when she tells me of his latest exploits

She had another son too, who is on the cusp of being excluded from school at 7 years old, and neither her or her husband can control him.

Oh God nightmare! I have had my moments feeling smug but I just think it's swings and roundabouts if I feel too smug it'll just come back to haunt me at some point