i found hidden drugs

kerri_dfw

mrs_angry wrote: »

yes I don't like the deceit, that's obviously a huge part of this, if he had spoken to me about it instead of lying we could have had the chat about the drugs, and yes I suppose I did become disaffected about drugs when we went through what we went through with our son because as we found out drugs are everywhere, the young and the old the rich and the poor, it really opened my eyes, as if you really look you will see drugs are being taken by a lot more people than you know.

I don't have any worries about the danger to my children as the drugs were hidden and my kids who are 10, 13 and 15 know all about the dangers of drugs because believe it or not they actually get more contact with drug takers when they are out of my house, for example kids taking drugs to their school, yes that really does happen!!!

so yes for me it does come down to the deceit primarily, as although I don't agree with drugs I hate liars

as the saying goes better to trust a thief as they will steal your things, than a liar who will steal your soul and then lie about it.

Surely you're better just asking him about it than coming on a public forum and asking strangers. A big part of a relationship is being able to communicate with one another. Start by asking him about it, you never know he might have a bad habit and someone questioning him about it might be what he needs to break that habit. Ask him about it, how much does he do, how much is he spending, does he feel he's out of control, what is it about taking this that makes him feel better than when he doesn't, does it even make him feel better... But don't go in all guns blazing, as then you're just as bad on the trust front as he is for deceiving you. Provide him with a supportive shoulder so he can open up to you about this.

geoffky

You do realise that you all owe drug dealers a huge debt of gratitude..
They saved the banking system..

Drugs money worth billions of dollars kept the financial system afloat at the height of the global crisis, the United Nations' drugs and crime tsar has told the Observer.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/global/2009/dec/13/drug-money-banks-saved-un-cfief-claims

mrs_angry

Fluff15 wrote: »

I hope Mrs Angry updates us with what has happened between her and her husband.

(And that her response doesn't get lost in the debate, it isn't fair to hijack somebody's thread)

wow, thought I would have a read this morning and didn't realise this would spark such a debate.
I don't mind peoples opinions on either the lies nor the drugs and find some of it interesting, but here is my take on things.

im 41, when I was growing up drugs were around, I took ecstasy and speed and smoked cannabis, all before the children came along, I took them recreationally some weekends when I went raving, I also held down a full time job as a health care assistant, in the mid 90's some of my friends chose to start to move on to harder drugs, cocaine being one of them!
I fell pregnant by a drug taker who beat me and put me in a battered housewife shelter, from that point I stayed away from drugs and decided to make a life for me and my son.
when he was 2 years old I met my now husband, who was not into drugs, in fact he had never touched any drugs, our lives moved on from many of our friends and we had 3 more children.

when my oldest son was 15 he got mixed up with a wrong crowd, he took a cocktail of cocaine and alcohol and ended up in hospital nearly dying, and after that he seemed to get drawn in to the world of drugs, his life went down the drain from that point, he had had everything going for him was a talented footballer who Southampton fc wanted on their youth team, and was taking his gcse's a year early but that all went to pot (excuse the pun) to cut a long story short he ended up selling drugs for a dealer and was caught and put in prison for 4 years, he has been out now for 3 years and is trying to get his life back on track.

and obviously as you all know my husband then had an affair etc. etc.... which I have been trying to deal with, and then I discover he has drugs in his bag hence the reason for my thread.

I don't like drugs, mainly because I have seen the destruction and devastation they can cause, but I do know people who still take them recreationally and hold full time jobs and are "normal people" so for me finding out my husband had drugs in his bag did become more about the lie to me, mainly because of the affair issue we are dealing with.

although I agree the drugs are an issue, his lies have been and are just as destructive to me because of the affair. His affair changed me as a person, and changed the marriage I thought I had, it changed our family. it has been very destructive.
so I had 2 issues one being that he may be a drug taker the other that he had again chose to keep something from me, both equally as important to me, so of course my mind focused on the lie.

as it stands at the moment he doesn't deal drugs, he has admitted he occasionally takes them recreationally if he is with others who do, and has admitted he was helping a friend whom I know and is a very "normal" person, he told me he didn't tell me because I already don't like some of his friends(because they knew of his affair) and so he didn't want me hating them further.
we have talked and he said as he now knows it is an issue he will not lie to me again.
do I believe him, the answer is no.
lies in any marriage are destructive, as the saying goes "rather a thief in your house than a liar as at least you know what you get with a thief, as with a liar they will steal your soul and say they didn't"

so im now just back to square one, im married to a liar full stop, and that for me is harder to swallow than being married to someone who dabbles with drugs occasionally because the "affair" takes the spotlight again, and this affair has really destroyed my marriage and me as a person.

I know some people on here will not like that fact and will have their opinion on the drugs being the issue more so but I would ask those people to have lived the last 16 months in my shoes and then they could decide what is the more important issue.

bitemebankers

Sounds like you've had quite a time of it, MrsA. I could well understand you being more anti-drugs than you are, but you seem to have a really balanced view of things, in spite of being under a lot of emotional pressure. Frankly, for me, the infidelity would trump pretty much any other issue. I wish you all the best for the future - I hope things get resolved...somehow.

bitemebankers

FatVonD wrote: »

Would you be happy for them to start taking ecstacy at the same age they drink their first cup of tea?

Seems reasonable: just restrict all psychoactive drugs to adults. Problem solved.

Dimey

Ah mrs angry, you've had such a difficult time.

Now you've had the heart to heart with your husband and you are both fully aware of want you want for a happy marriage, I guess you give it more time to see if your husband can stop lying and invest in your marriage.

Maybe you could both do with a holiday or weekend away, just the two of you, to focus on yourselves and get used to confiding in each other again. Trust will build over time.

You and your husband have a lot to do together for your family. You'll need each other to be strong.

You have your eldest son to support and set a good example for him to follow. He'll need a lot of practical help when he comes out of prison. [ Edit = oops sorry , just re-read and your son is out of prison] He'll need to make new friends who won't drag him down and find a job where his prison record wont be prejudiced by the employer. He'll need emotional support so he doesn't self destruct when things get tough.
And your other children, who are probably sensing trouble, need reassurance.

You sound a really well balanced intelligent lady so I'm sure you'll be able to get your life back on track. I sincerely wish you well and some good luck for a change.

FatVonD

bitemebankers wrote: »

Seems reasonable: just restrict all psychoactive drugs to adults. Problem solved.

Could you answer with a simple yes or no, please?

Dimey

bitemebankers wrote: »

Seems reasonable: just restrict all psychoactive drugs to adults. Problem solved.

You're a crazy sick man bitemebankers - but I like you :rotfl:

bitemebankers

FatVonD wrote: »

Could you answer with a simple yes or no, please?

I thought "seems reasonable" was sufficiently affirmative. To summarise, YES, with the caveat provided.

FatVonD

bitemebankers wrote: »

I thought "seems reasonable" was sufficiently affirmative. To summarise, YES, with the caveat provided.

That's nonsense, you're wriggling because you don't want to admit that there is a HUGE difference between tea and ecstacy. So you really believe children should not be allowed to have a cup of tea until they're 18?