Waiting to start a family has reached fever pitch

Goldiegirl

I'm just wondering if he really wants to start a family.

It's all well and good him saying 'wait until December', but will he find another reason to wait when December comes?

Maybe waiting to December is just an excuse to put off facing up to the future. When it's December, it could be 'wait until the new year', and then there could be another reason.

I think you need to talk to him to find out what he really, truthfully feels, and don't let him evade the issues

Bangton

What happens in December? Are you any closer to paying debts off? Will he have savings? Perhaps he just liked the plan and is purely sticking to it because he wants to be in a better place financially?

ilovelondontown

I'd never really considered the age of the child in relation to the school year, do people really factor that in when ttc?

As for whether or not my husband wants children he definitely does, we've talked about it for years. His desire to wait is more to do with settling into married life, settling into his new job but mostly to clear some of our debt. Our debt isn't crippling, it's being managed well it's just not something he wants hanging over us, which is fair enough but now we're at a point where the child would be born way after the debt would be paid off.

I'm broody as hell and it's getting to the point when all the reason for waiting feel like they can be waved away. Like I said before I want us both to be 100 % ready otherwise I'll feel like I'm forcing him into a decision he didn't make on his own, but at the same time, I doubt men are ever truly "ready" for fatherhood are they!?

minimoneysaver

Without prying too much, you also need to consider the protection you are using. If you are on the pill, you need to leave time for it to leave your system. If you are thinking of TTC (trying to conceive), you should book to see your GP for a check up. It's a good idea to check that you are in good health and your GP will probably advise you to start taking folic acid as it is more effective in the first trimester.
Baby hugs to you.xxx

continualdiamond

You can have the best plan in the world and it won't make any difference.....trust me.

I'm 31 and my husband is 30 and we're expecting our 1st child at the end of September.

We got married in 2011 (29 & 28) and we weren't ready for a family then. I also still wasn't at my 'ideal' weight. I reached my target weight loss in Feb 2012 and we decided not to put my body through weight changes again with being pregnant so decided to wait until September last year.

Not saying everyone should, but I came off the pill end of September so I could give my body the chance to have 'natural' cycles which is what they recommend. They say between 2-3 cycles to let your body adjust and that you take folic acid for the 1st 3 mths before trying, so I also took folic acid for this amount of time.

As someone who has pcos I thought it was better to see if my body did have natural cycles. That was the 1st exciting part, actually having a natural period. So October & November I had normal cycles and then we decided to try.

December = another natural cycle (admit I was disappointed as loved the idea of an awesome early xmas pressie that hubby & I would just know about).

However middle of January = missed period and 3 positive pregnancy tests.

No way did we expect it to happen so quickly and of course we were over the moon.

However just before we found out I was pregnant, like 3 weeks before, my husband was told he was being made redundant in February.

So suddenly we had bad news of him loosing his job to then happy news of us becoming family to then sheer panic that him being out of work & us having a baby just seemed such a daunting combination.

Here I am 29 weeks pregnant today and husband has only just started working on Saturday.

I have come to realise that you just do the best you can do with whatever situation you're faced with.

CH27

ilovelondontown wrote: »

I'd never really considered the age of the child in relation to the school year, do people really factor that in when ttc?

As for whether or not my husband wants children he definitely does, we've talked about it for years. His desire to wait is more to do with settling into married life, settling into his new job but mostly to clear some of our debt. Our debt isn't crippling, it's being managed well it's just not something he wants hanging over us, which is fair enough but now we're at a point where the child would be born way after the debt would be paid off.

I'm broody as hell and it's getting to the point when all the reason for waiting feel like they can be waved away. Like I said before I want us both to be 100 % ready otherwise I'll feel like I'm forcing him into a decision he didn't make on his own, but at the same time, I doubt men are ever truly "ready" for fatherhood are they!?

I think he is being very sensible.

zcrat41

If it means you are debt free and are on a secure financial footing I'd wait.

I've just had my first baby and things are stressful and hard enough (albeit fantastic) and I don't have money worries.

Antenatal friends are stressing about money when if they'd been a wee bit more sensible before the birth they wouldn't have to be now.

ilovelondontown

zcrat41 wrote: »

If it means you are debt free and are on a secure financial footing I'd wait.

I've just had my first baby and things are stressful and hard enough (albeit fantastic) and I don't have money worries.

Antenatal friends are stressing about money when if they'd been a wee bit more sensible before the birth they wouldn't have to be now.

Thanks zcrat41-I think you make the point I'm trying to reason in my head most of all, I know you can't ever be 100% ready for a baby but you can make things easier along the way... I want to enjoy the experience as much as I can, so maybe that's something to consider.

Congrats on your new addition!

zcrat41

Hope it works out soon for you.

On the flip side, if it doesn't happen quickly for you or you encounter problems you can blow the extra cash on some amazing holidays!

barbiedoll

Have a chat with hubby and make sure that he is definitely on board to start trying in December. It's only 5 months away and being debt-free will make a huge difference to your plans, you don't need to spend thousands on baby stuff but they aren't babies for very long, toddlers are much more expensive, teenagers even more so!

And there's no reason why you can't start taking folic acid now, it will make you feel like you're taking the first step towards parenthood and if you fall pregnant quickly (on 1st December lol!), you won't have to worry about not having taken it for long enough.

Good luck!