Waiting to start a family has reached fever pitch

ilovelondontown

I don't really know why I'm posting this since there isn't really any advice anyone can give me so it's more a rant than anything else, so feel free to click "back" if you don't fancy indulging me

I've previously posted that my DH and I are currently paying down debt and spending the first year of marriage together before we start a family. (Not in a DMP or otherwise, just want stop using credit as though it's a normal or healthy financial habit.)

The trouble is, I'm starting to find myself questioning why we are waiting ttc. I'm 29 and DH is 32, we've been together for 5.5 years and married for 8 months. I keep thinking it's nice to have the luxury of sleeping in, going out on a Friday night to the pub and all the other things that come with not having kids, except none of the things that used to give me a buzz do anymore. The hangovers don't seem worth it, a lie-in leaves me twitching to get up and do something- but usually I spend most of the weekend trying to find something to entertain myself with.

I'm starting to get a sense of emptiness in my life- which sounds like a cliche! I'd never have imagined saying myself!

I keep trying to explain this to my DH but he's adamant that we should stick to the plan, but he seems rather naïve about the fact we could come up against complications in the ttc journey. Bless his uneducated mind, he think's this will take one night one time..... :rotfl:

I don't want to force him into this decision, I think we should both be ready, but I'm really starting to struggle with waiting and I'm running out of reasoning. I never dreamed about a big wedding or travelling the world but I've always wanted to be a mother, always, knew it was something I'd want to do if the circumstances were right and they are so right now, so why I am I still waiting!

clairec79

How about pointing out that even if you conceive tonight baby won't come along for 9 months so you've still got the year without a baby

marisco_2

I felt exactly the same way as you do now when I was 28. It completely surprised and overwhelmed me just how strong the urge to have children became. There was no rhyme nor reason or logic to my sudden desire to become a mum. Sometimes that biological clock starts ticking really loudly and it is very hard to ignore it.

My ex and I had decided to start a family the following year, giving ourselves a chance to reach a really strong and secure financial footing. We talked it all through and agreed to stick to this plan. Over those next 12 months we really enjoyed quality couple time together, transformed our house into a beautiful home and both made an effort to lead a healthy lifestyle and get in really good shape.

We were very fortunate in as much as I fell pregnant quickly and the pregnancy ran smoothly. Having not rushed into parenthood before we were really ready, it meant that when our son arrived we could really relax and enjoy those first special months with him, without external pressures weighing down on us. However you decide to proceed I wish you lots of luck, having children is a wonderful and life enhancing experience.

alwaystryyourbest

Hi the question I have in my head is how many children do you both want ??..if you always wanted a big family I would say try now..
But if you only want 2 then you have still got Time, with you being 29 .
I always wanted 2 children but I injoyed motherhood and pregnancy so much I have had 6.

When does your partner want to start trying for a baby ??
Anyway better go now .
my friend who is 32 is trying to get her husband of 4 years to try for a baby but he keeps putting the date forward when they will try for a baby she is soo broody I suppose visiting me doesn't, help her ..
You are not on your own..xxx

Kynthia

How long does he want to wait? If it's only a few months then find things to enjoy while waiting. If it's longer then get him to read the trying to conceive thread in this section. It's full of couples taking a few months up to two years to get pregnant.

neverdespairgirl

ilovelondontown wrote: »

he seems rather naïve about the fact we could come up against complications in the ttc journey. Bless his uneducated mind, he think's this will take one night one time..... :rotfl:

While, of course, some people do have trouble conceiving, it's not something you should assume will happen if you are a healthy 29 year old woman.

I had my son at the age of 27, without missing a single pill or taking one even an hour late (-: He was determined to be born, stubborn little sod, both then and now!

My mother was told it could take a while to conceive her 4th, as she had reached the grand old age of 37. That's why there's only 15 months between my younger sister and my brother......

claire16c

It's normal for it to take up to 12 months so you may well get an extra year anyway. Then you've got the 9 months of pregnancy. Plus that's with no problems or miscarriages.

From being on the ttc thread it's apparent a lot of men don't realise what a small window there is each cycle so perhaps show him some statistics! Even with no issues you only have about a 20% chance each time.

ilovelondontown

Thanks all for your replies, I do appreciate it!

He wants to start in December, which I know isn’t a long long way off, but when I’ve been “waiting” as long as I have it might as well be an eternity!

How many do I want? That's a tough question, and one I don't think you can fully answer until you have them ironically! I'd say 2, but 3 would still be in the realms of possiblity depending on how long it takes to get cracking (excuse the pun).

As far as my health goes, I do have suspected pcos, but I’ve spent many years getting my body in better shape to combat the matter and I’m now at a healthy weight, I don’t have any side-effects linked to the condition and I have regular cycles and monitoring my cycles I’m fairly certain I ovulate. Where DH is concerned we haven't got a clue if there would be anything up with him, he's never got any one pregnant - as far as we know! haha!

His mindset is, what’s the bother in waiting a few more months? and my mind set is, what’s the point in waiting just a few more months?!

I think I need to direct him in the way of statistics about ttc, nothing to heavy or serious but the idea that it takes a healthy couple up to a year to conceive makes me feel like we’re wasting valuable time!

Slinky

Not that it's any of my business (I don't have or want children), but a child conceived December onwards and born September onwards would be one of the older ones in the class at school, whereas if you conceived in the next couple of months, it could be one of the younger ones.

Don't studies show that children born later in the school year fair less well in their education? Can you console yourself with the thought that your child may perhaps do a little better in school and life if you wait a little longer?

Triangle

Slinky wrote: »

Don't studies show that children born later in the school year fair less well in their education? Can you console yourself with the thought that your child may perhaps do a little better in school and life if you wait a little longer?

Actually gender plays a much bigger influence. Of course, some children (including mine - one June baby and one due this month) will be almost a year younger so yes there will be some differences but by the time infant school has finished, the age differences are much less apparent. I've looked into this lots as it used to worry me a hell of a lot However as usual its the home environment and associated factors that make the most difference to a child's achievement.

heartbreak_star

If your life is feeling empty, could you take up a new hobby while you wait?

HBS x