Sister driving me insane!

Netwizard

neneromanova wrote: »

Not when it's at the expense of your parents. My mother just seems to have given up with sorting him out, saying let him get one with what he wants, he now does even less around the house and spends more time on his computer/xbox than ever before, leaving mum to do his washing/cooking.

But It is really hard, I know. Especially when they always pushed me to have a job, pay rents, live my own life and let my brother and sister sponge off of them.

Hopefully one day he will wake up and smell the coffee. No job, no girlfriend, no money etc. One day when hes a bit older, he will look back and realise what a waste his younger years were. He will have to learn to stand on his own two feet at some point

morganedge

Netwizard wrote: »

No job, no girlfriend, no money etc. One day when hes a bit older, he will look back and realise what a waste his younger years were.

How does one NOT waste their younger years in your opinion out of interest?
I certainly don't see not having a girlfriend as wasting time, lol.

Jobs are even more of a waste in a way (5 days per week stuck in an office for 9 hrs a day etc), although I guess you get money from them which CAN lead to good/fun experiences (if you're lucky enough to earn a boat load and have money left over after expenses).

Everyone is forced to waste their youth (and even their lives) too an extent, so It always bugs me when I hear people accusing others of doing so.

If they enjoy what they're doing, is it still wasting time?

Lagoon

bananapop wrote: »

but you do need some money to get through life and although I don't find my own job the best job in the world it allows me to do the things I like to do Really appreciate your reply!

I think this is the sticking point. Most people DO need money to get through life, but she doesn't because your parents aren't making her pay rent. Your job allows you to do what you want to do, but your sister wants to be sitting in her room which doesn't cost a penny.

Eventually, something will come along that gives her a need to work, whether that's an ultimatum from your parents or something she wants to buy...as long as she doesn't get money for anything from your parents.

Can you be sure what she's doing when she's hiding away at home? As a child/teenager I had 'issues'. I was scared to leave my room - it was the only place in the world that I felt safe and comfortable, and there was no way I'd socialise with other people. To the outside world I no doubt looked boring, and like I was missing out on fun, but in my room I learnt all sorts from languages and music to web design. I was 17 (maybe early 18) when I finally emerged from the deepest, darkest depths of the bedroom and started to get my life in order, but it could be that she's building valuable skills without you realising. It's not entirely helping the situation, but perhaps the family would feel less angry as a whole if you all knew that she was doing something worthwhile.

If she's sticking in the family home, I agree that it's up to your parents to force her to use any skills she might have.

Netwizard

morganedge wrote: »

How does one NOT waste their younger years in your opinion out of interest?
I certainly don't see not having a girlfriend as wasting time, lol.

Jobs are even more of a waste in a way (5 days per week stuck in an office for 9 hrs a day etc), although I guess you get money from them which CAN lead to good/fun experiences (if you're lucky enough to earn a boat load and have money left over after expenses).

Everyone is forced to waste their youth (and even their lives) too an extent, so It always bugs me when I hear people accusing others of doing so.

If they enjoy what they're doing, is it still wasting time?

Jobs are a waste of time? Not really. You need a job to survive. Its hardly a waste. Watch the tv program Skint and see what sort of a life they have without a job. They are total no hopers, druggies who just sponge off the state.

I earn a very modest wage, but it enables me to go on holiday, go out, socialise with friends etc but if people enjoy sitting in their rooms for year after year on a playstation, then so be it. Horses for courses. Just dont moan when you have no money, no job, no friends etc. If you enjoy that then good

morganedge

Netwizard wrote: »

Jobs are a waste of time? Not really. You need a job to survive. Its hardly a waste. Watch the tv program Skint and see what sort of a life they have without a job. They are total no hopers, druggies who just sponge off the state.

I earn a very modest wage, but it enables me to go on holiday, go out, socialise with friends etc but if people enjoy sitting in their rooms for year after year on a playstation, then so be it. Horses for courses. Just dont moan when you have no money, no job, no friends etc. If you enjoy that then good

That's fine. I'm with you. I'm one of life's workers like you.
(I might have given off the impression that i've never worked when I said it feels like a waste of time).
I hate the thought of 'wasting time' but I feel like whatever i'm doing, it is wasting time.
I spend 5-6 days per week working 8.5hour shifts loading lorries, and I often think ''is this living??''

And you've kind of answered my question about what is not wasting time in your opinion, when you spoke of going on holidays, going out and socialising with friends. I've done those things, so I guess i'm OK.

Netwizard

morganedge wrote: »

when you spoke of going on holidays, going out and socialising with friends. I've done those things, so I guess i'm OK.

Sounds good to me. You certainly wont be on your death bed thinking "I wish I had done less with my life"

365days

Really interesting thread.

When I was 18 my mum lost her patience with me wanting to stay in and read (well before internet) so I went out, found that alcohol made me feel fab, and ended up with a drink problem.

It's taken years to realise that whilst my Mum (and many others) see 'success' as having loads of friends, non stop socialising, phone never stop ringing etc.

That's fine if that is how you wnat to live your life. But for many social situations are a form of mild torture and those people like peace, solitude and quiet.

If your sister is happy being alone, don't push her too hard. She may find that the only way she can fit in is to abuse alcohol or drugs.

Encourage her to get more counselling. Maybe if she likes books she can volunteer at the library or for her music find a voluntary aspect that fits that.

Little steps. She will find her way.......it may just be a completely different way to you.

meritaten

I think you need to set deadlines - You go to university and apply by:
you don't go to university you need to get plans for college in place by:
if you are taking a gap year - what are you doing instead?
tbh - sis may well not know WHAT she wants to do! she may be conflicted on what career what she wants? why not TALK to her and find out how she is thinking?

bananapop

Thanks for the replies everyone, it's much appreciated. Will take a lot of the advice on board and see how it goes

barbarawright

neneromanova wrote: »

Sounds exactly like my brother. He finished school/college, then went to his room to play games continuously. He's now 23 and still doing this....he's on anti depressants but he's really not depressed, just a VERY lazy person who just goes to the doctors and does a "meh" routine and is kept on them.

I'll watch this thread with interest.

Herand just sounds like they're trolling BTW, just ignore them and don't feed the trolls

Your brother sounds a bit like the guys in this article

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-23182523