Sister driving me insane!

marisco_2

The way your sister sees herself and feels about herself, will have a big impact on what she considers she is capable of doing and wants to attempt next. Her confidence appears to be very low at the moment. She is isolating herself by staying in her room and not taking friends up on their offers to meet and socialise with them.

I think it would be wise of your parents to calmly chat to her, to try to get to the bottom of what is holding her back from making decisions about her future. As frustrating as her approach may be to you all, you need to try and see things from her perspective, and help her work through this time with support and patience.

Issuing ultimatums is unlikely to work and could set her further back. It is not a matter of !!!!! footing around someone old enough to know better, more showing compassion and empathy for someone clearly struggling.

marmitepotato

This thread makes me sad. One sister wants to help her sibling and some folks are telling her to mind her own business. Would these people do the same if they were in her shoes? Credit to you OP for having a caring heart. Your parents need to set some guidelines for your sister.

Twopints

herand wrote: »

Then why can't you mind your own business? You either want to support your Sister or you don't and going by the content and tone of your posts you would rather be judgemental and hostile than helpful.

Pot, meet kettle

Pthree

I would urge her to get proper help and medication for her depression, if that is under control (well as much as it can be) then perhaps her "get up and go" will appear.

She sounds just like me at her age to be honest the more people "urged me" to do something the more worthless I felt and figured no one would give me a job anyway as I was such a failure.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Try turning the internet off at the hub.

paulineb_2

Everyones experience of depression and anxiety is different. I suffered from anxiety after some really difficult times at work, in 2011 I went out once socially. It can affect your self esteem and your self confidence, it can affect your sleeping pattern and medication isn't for everyone but it could help, as could cognitive behavioural therapy.

When I was at my worst with anxiety, I functioned and that's all I did. I did manage to work for about 18 months during the worst spell, but that's all I did. I had nothing left over to give, for anything that was fun. And people whove never been through that don't know what its like, I certainly didn't until it hit me. Ive spoken about whats happened in the past with me before, it was work related stress with me but its very similar to depression, you feel the same.

And I went through a low spell last year due to other work issues. I personally don't rely on medication, Ive had two lots of anti depressants in 15 years but less than a year ago, if someone had asked me to go out, to do anything but the basics, I couldn't have done it.

And that came from not sleeping, really feeling low and a massive loss of self confidence.

And that didn't take a lot to sort, a few counselling sessions, a 6 month course of anti depressants and Im absolutely fine now.
I understand that you are trying to be supportive, but what may seem as lazy behaviour to you, might be a side effect of her depression.

She will feel unmotivated, it will take her longer to do basic things, she wont want to socialise I expect and at 18 she has plenty time to get to college or uni if that's what she wants.

Another chat with her GP might help and you could offer to go with her if you like.

All you can do is be there for her and try not to judge her. Because it can hit anyone at anytime.

neneromanova

Sounds exactly like my brother. He finished school/college, then went to his room to play games continuously. He's now 23 and still doing this....he's on anti depressants but he's really not depressed, just a VERY lazy person who just goes to the doctors and does a "meh" routine and is kept on them.

I'll watch this thread with interest.

Herand just sounds like they're trolling BTW, just ignore them and don't feed the trolls

Netwizard

herand wrote: »

So psychiatric hospitals, community outpatient teams, ESA are all utilised by happy, totally non depressed people?

Get real, depression for many people can be crippling and possibly fatal.

You have a point, but so does Joons. I work in a psychiatric hospital and I think many people would be suprised just how many of the staff suffer depression and have had issues in their own lives. In a way, this helps the staff relate more easily to what the patients are going through, however, it doesn't stop the staff turning up for work and earning a crust.

Its a rewarding job though, seeing people come in on sections, totally barking, turning them around, getting them the help they need and seeing them get better.

I think the OP is only trying to help her sister. I have a friend who works at the same hospital that I do. She suffers awfully with depression. Always off sick, always trying new anti depressants, had a crappy childhood etc but nothing seems to work. She will have a good few days then a bad few months. A lot of her friends, including me have tried to help her, but ultimately we just have to accept this is how she is going to be forever.

You cant force soneome to change. Sometimes you just have to hold up your hands, admit you tried your best, and let them get on with it. Its mighty hard seeing friends / family go down this route but if the sister cant be bothered helping herself first and foremost, then your fighting a losing battle

neneromanova

Netwizard wrote: »

You cant force soneome to change. Sometimes you just have to hold up your hands, admit you tried your best, and let them get on with it. Its mighty hard seeing friends / family go down this route but if the sister cant be bothered helping herself first and foremost, then your fighting a losing battle

Not when it's at the expense of your parents. My mother just seems to have given up with sorting him out, saying let him get one with what he wants, he now does even less around the house and spends more time on his computer/xbox than ever before, leaving mum to do his washing/cooking.

But It is really hard, I know. Especially when they always pushed me to have a job, pay rents, live my own life and let my brother and sister sponge off of them.

prosaver

Why dont you take her out bowling or something try and be her friend ..read some books on motivation .. I read loads of them and they have help me being happier and making goals in my llife. A good book to get you started is chicken soup for the soul.......
Then you could say that your reading this book and give her little stoiries from it, when you take her out.