Do you tire of being Alone?

shaz77_2

Hi All,

As I approach the big 30 I realise relationships were not my thing in this world. Never really had a serious one and never could find someone I was interested in and vice versa. I go out as much as I can but with all my friends married and or moved away it's difficult to find anyone to go out with and in fact when I am out nobody seems to be single.

How do you cope with being single? I must admit it's not something I like and to think I've it all to look forward to.

Pee

I confess to being in a couple, but I have been single in the past, noteably for about two and a half years after the end of a relationship where I didn't think I would ever end up in a couple again. I was very hurt and angry.

I enjoyed being single because I certainly wasn't alone. I made an effort to make friends and was very lucky to find people to share interests with, tried some internet dating, tried some real dating, laughed about the disasters with my friends...

It was hard because I didn't have any single friends at the time other than work colleagues. I don't know how your social life is set up but provided you like people and don't want to be alone, what would work for you socially? Would it be volunteering, would it be joining a sports team. There is nothing wrong with being single, but it isn't right that you should feel alone.

Lifeforms

There's being single and being single and lonely. I am single, have been for a few years now, and have come to a fairly happy realisation that I'm fine not being with a partner and thus not actively seeking one out either.

But you need to be happy in your life, pretty much the same as with anything. If you're not happy, being single, partnered, parent, dog sitter, cat butler, anything, will not be right for you.

You do have to allow for the fact friends who were single have moved on to another stage in their life and cannot just drop the kid/partner/whatever to come play outside with you.

So you move on and make new friends to keep alongside the old ones. You need to fill time with things to do and if this means you go out to do something new then why not?

We are conditioned that we find x, settle, breed y, and be happy, and this isn't the way for everyone. There is no such thing as everyone has the right person out there waiting for them, you may just not have a right person, but if you're all right in yourself as a person then be happy that way.

BUT we are sociable creatures in the most part so sitting at home doing nothing with no one is never really going to be a great position to be in, day in and out.

So you fill it with activities, or events, Just do stuff. Do stuff you might not have done before because you might not like it (know for definite!) or even volunteer at a pet rescue centre, or an elderly persons house or home and just spread yourself as a person. Just don't sit there doing nothing moping over friends and family who have moved onto the next stage of their life. Kids and partners is one stage, but as is those who take up hobbies, do random things that they'd never do, join a bike club, running club, swimming club. They're all next steps too.

You are only as miserable as you allow yourself to be. You can change your life and how you do that is down to you, but you need to be in control, not some horrorscope that tells you talk, dark, handsome is across the road from you, or the faked out womens magazines that tell you 2.4 kids is the dogs bollox, or (and on and on) It's your life, take it and run away with it and have fun

You have to get out of the mindset that couples are fun. Enjoy music, go get involved in it, cinema seats are sold singularly, not as a couple love seat, enjoy food, go dine at restaurants, be strong, don't worry about having an attachment. You need to accept single is ok before you can be it. IF you feel how do you pass time, take a book. If you look desperate then people will think you are, but sitting and eating a fine meal whilst engrossing yourself in a paper, book, whatever will just make them think you're satisfied. People thing singletons are odd in places like that because it's inbuilt, but if you show others it's ok, then they pass that on. Thus said. I do still get the uhh nervous thought walking into a place on my own, but i take deflection material, something to read on the phone, or ipad, and find my own world there.

bugslet

I'm now single at 49 ( partner in a nursing home) and around 30% of my girlfriends in their 50s are single. I think possibly thirties are a peak time for people to be married/with someone, divorces/break ups often happen a bit further down the line.

Have you investigated sites like meet up to widen your social horizons?

You never know when or if you might meet someone special, but if you don't as Pee says, that's fine, it's only a problem if you are feeling as if you are missing out.

Person_one

I'm also approaching thirty and have been single and living alone for about 3 years now.

I'm quite content, but I do think a lot of that is to do with the fact that I've been in relationships in the past, I've lived with a partner, and I've experienced the downsides so I now how truly crap it can be at times, so I appreciate my space, my independence, my double bed all to myself and my ability to leave my dirty socks lying around for days on end!

What are the positives in your life? The fact is that there isn't necessarily someone for everyone and you don't want to waste the limited time you have preoccupied with something that never happens.

beckysbobbles1

I also found issues with naturally meeting people when I was out with friends. However, I discovered internet dating and haven't looked back.

It's a great opportunity to be really picky about what you want from a partner and you can look trhough so many different profiles quickly then start chatting to people and get to know them first before meeting.

It's not for everyone but seriously you have nothing to lose from signing up to a free site and see ing what it's all about.

Granted you always get some weird people on there but you will always get weird people in bars and clubs.

Best of luck!

Hermia

Person_one wrote: »

I'm quite content, but I do think a lot of that is to do with the fact that I've been in relationships in the past, I've lived with a partner, and I've experienced the downsides so I now how truly crap it can be at times, so I appreciate my space, my independence, my double bed all to myself and my ability to leave my dirty socks lying around for days on end!

I'm single and just listening to married friends is enough to cure any worries about my single state! I have far more friends that are in relationships that make me shudder than in relationships I envy!

OP - as everyone says it really is about just being comfortable with your life whatever you choose to do with it. If you do yearn for a relationship try dating sites etc. Otherwise learn to love the single life.

Friend-wise I tend to have friends who are a different age than me. I'm in my 30s and find many woman I know are just obsessed with their man or children. I like having friends in their 20s who are still into getting out in the world and middle-aged friends who have reached the stage where they enjoy a break from the husband/kids.

marisco_2

I don't tire of being alone, because despite having been single for a while now, I rarely have much time by myself. In my job I am surrounded by people all day. I'm a lone parent responsible for two little boys. Meeting their needs and enabling them to enjoy an active and stimulating childhood takes up a lot of my time. I am fortunate to have a good circle of close friends who I make the effort to socialise with regularly.

I don't crave having company from others all the time. To me sometimes there is nothing nicer than a bit of solitude. Quiet time which allows me to have space to think, reflect and plan is like heaven. I find it very relaxing when I get some time to myself and am happy with my own company.

Netwizard

shaz77 wrote: »

Hi All,

As I approach the big 30 I realise relationships were not my thing in this world. Never really had a serious one and never could find someone I was interested in and vice versa. I go out as much as I can but with all my friends married and or moved away it's difficult to find anyone to go out with and in fact when I am out nobody seems to be single.

How do you cope with being single? I must admit it's not something I like and to think I've it all to look forward to.

I am in exactly the same situation at the same age. I have never been on a date or even had snog!!

Of course there are times when I feel a bit lonely and wish I could find someone, but these feelings dont last long!!

All of my friends from school / college / work are in relationships but what Hermia said rings true as well. One look at some of their relationships is enough to put me off anyway.

I used to be really worried about what people might think of me bing single this long and of course I get the usual !!!! taking from some of the lads at work for being single up to the age of nearly 30, but again, after seeing what some of them pull on nights out, Id rather have a few beers, bag of chips, and go home on my own to bed!!

I couldnt care less what people think of me now. Ive got 3 or 4 genuinely great female friends ( and just friends, nothing more. Actually treat them more like sisters than friends). I much prefer this actually. No pressure to impress, dont have to worry what I look like, when we have had enough of each other, we can go home to our seperate houses etc.

Also, all my money is mine, I dont have to ask permission to spend it like my friends do. If I want to spend a lazy sunday watching F1 and MotoGP in my PJs with a cuppa, again, I can do, without having anyone moan at me.
If I deciede I want to go away somewhere, I dont have to have a dispute over destination, I can just go. Basically I can please myself, and ive spent so much time in my own company, im 99% used to it now.

I also work permanent nightshifts so this makes it hard to get out and about nowadays. Im pretty anti social!

As I say, before I was 25, I used to worry about being single, but now im older and all my mates are in relationships, I can see more benefits to being single than hitched.

The only downside is no sex, but for me, thats not the be all and end all and again now im slightly older, couldnt really care less. I go to bed to sleep!!

PasturesNew

I'm single and too poor to leave the house to meet people. Thank goodness we have the Internet these days so I can chat online to people. I probably haven't spoken to another human being for nearly a month now.

Angelicdevil

Person_one wrote: »

I'm also approaching thirty and have been single and living alone for about 3 years now.

I'm quite content, but I do think a lot of that is to do with the fact that I've been in relationships in the past, I've lived with a partner, and I've experienced the downsides so I now how truly crap it can be at times, so I appreciate my space, my independence, my double bed all to myself and my ability to leave my dirty socks lying around for days on end!

What are the positives in your life? The fact is that there isn't necessarily someone for everyone and you don't want to waste the limited time you have preoccupied with something that never happens.

Absolutely the same as me very nearly 30 (<1 month :eek:), single for 3 years and really quite content feel a bit like I've been there, done that, in no hurry to rush in to anything.

OP, the only days I feel like I'm missing out are hot, summer days when all my friends are spending time with their partners/children. Thankfully those days are rare.