Childcare / Family Relations Dilemma

Yorkshire-Lady_3

hello Elle - I hope you're feeling clearer about your decisions. Childcare is never easy, but you HAVE to do what you think is best for your son, and yourself.
I am a childminder, and we are very flexible, and reliable! In almost 13 yrs, I've never had a day off sick. I appreciate the inconvenience it would cause, so despite being 'off colour', I always try to battle through it.

Good luck in finding a childminder in your area. Keep her in the loop at all times, as it'll make her life easier and more receptive to your little boys needs.

YOU take care too, and I hope your tooth is better soon!

Sally xx

Errata

Elle, your friend has suggested an excellent compromise and if you do as she suggests you will show everyone that you are prepared to be flexible and compromising and willing to ensure a win-win situation for all concerned.

My personal view is that in families a child can often become a source of power: he who has the child has the power. Children are not parcels to be passed around to fulfil whims and fancies and nor are they commodities to be traded in nasty games of personal politics and family dynamics.

A child needs consistency and stability provided by those best able to give it. A CM will have more knowledge of how little ones' minds work as they will have been involved with several children. A good CM will enable a child to develop in the right way at the right stage and will work with parent(s) to ensure it happens. A good CM won't put their energy into scoring points off parents and will be up to date in childcare needs and methods.

GPs aren't necessarily like this - that's why they're not childminders. Good luck

lorientgirl

Hi I think your solution is a really good one but would suggest that you make sure that the GPs know to plan and give notice to you and the child minder o when they will have your son. you don't want them to think they can pick him up whenever they like

Janepig

Errata wrote: »

A child needs consistency and stability provided by those best able to give it. A CM will have more knowledge of how little ones' minds work as they will have been involved with several children. A good CM will enable a child to develop in the right way at the right stage and will work with parent(s) to ensure it happens. A good CM won't put their energy into scoring points off parents and will be up to date in childcare needs and methods.

GPs aren't necessarily like this - that's why they're not childminders. Good luck

This is precisely why I've always been happy with my two having gone to day nursery - they've done/are doing things there that they wouldn't do at home with me, much less grandparents!!!!

Jxx

Elle00

Well it went down REALLY well with the GPs. I got the following reply:

We are disappointed to realize that our help in the past, willingly given, was of so little importance to you. It is apparent now that even though you have been back in *Home Town* for over a year, you have no one else to call on for support. We are fed up with having our support thrown back at us. We don’t want gratitude as we are willingly doing it for *A*.

They can't just use as like toys when they feel like it and expect thanks for it! Either they make a commitment to us or they respect that we have our own lives to lead and they will have to fit in around that. I cannot pick and choose when my child goes to a Childminder for crying out loud neither can I change appointments etc at short notice to accommodate caring for a toddler I thought would be elsewhere. I just couldn't keep being polite after this maliciousness. Fancy trying to make a young single Mother, the Mother of your only grandchild feel lonely and isolated by insinuating she is on her own unless she does what you say? I replied as follows, quotes and all:

""It is apparent now that even though you have been back in *Home Town* for over a year, you have no one else to call on for support."

Which is why when I initially returned to work *A* was cared for by my friend Lisa free of charge for the first few weeks when you didn't want to. And why Liz had to have *A* overnight when I contracted gastroenteritis because *Ex* was at a work's do. And why Gill takes *A* out for 2hrs every week. And why we attend Family Group every week. Then there are my friends Katie and Sharna too as well as my Dad and my lovely GP of course.

I have always asked *A's* immediate family to care for him before anyone else believing it was in his emotional interests to do so. As it's not been in his physical or developmental interests I do have to question my own judgement on that one in retrospect but the thought was there.

"We are fed up with having our support thrown back at us. We don’t want gratitude as we are willingly doing it for *A*."

If it were true that you didn't want or expect gratitude you would not be sounding off about alleged ingratitude. A contradiction in terms by any normal person's standards of reasoning and logic.

Your E_mail leaves it unclear whether we are looking after *A* tomorrow.

Why would you be having *A* tomorrow? You left it to me to make alternative arrangements and the alternative arrangements still stand. I'm fed up of my child being messed around like some kind of toy that stops living when put back in its box and I'm fed up with not having a routine - which is my main reason for returning to work full-time.

Please stop wasting my time. You had a clear and concise explanation as to the situation but have chosen to throw your toys out of the pram because it wasn't what you wanted to hear and I'm just not interested."

I am well aware this was not a productive reply but I have absolutely had enough now and can't keep my temper much longer. I am sick to death of never having any kind of stability or routine in my life and surely that is even more important for my child? He's only 21m old !!!!!!! I want him to grow up to be happy, healthy, productive and well-balanced and I don't see how that's going to happen with people looking after him when the fancy takes him, letting him down at short notice and not looking after him properly (whole other story including rashes, diarrhoea, untreated croup with stridor, several head injuries and an unexplained bruised arm).

AM FED UP WITH THESE PEOPLE MAKING MY LIFE SO BLOODY DIFFICULT. If ex didn't want the responsibility and commitment of kids he shouldn't have begged me to flaming well have one DUH.

Errata

Blimey........head injuries and unexplained bruised arm? Outlaws gallopping around on their high horse? I think the message is clear.
Both you and your infant need consistency, stability and security so you can get on with your lives together. A good mum does what's best for her offspring, and I'm pretty sure you now know what that is. Good luck.