Am I being Selfish?

where.do.i.stand

Part of the reason I am caring for my mother now is there is no work here, with my partner currently looking after the 2 small ones. If we moved we would be forced in to JSA rather than IS which we currently get, which JSA is a lot more hassle. I also wouldn't want to move all that way just to be on benefits, its suppose to be a fresh start of making our life better, not the same.

Mojisola

where.do.i.stand wrote: »

Part of the reason I am caring for my mother now is there is no work here, with my partner currently looking after the 2 small ones. If we moved we would be forced in to JSA rather than IS which we currently get, which JSA is a lot more hassle. I also wouldn't want to move all that way just to be on benefits, its suppose to be a fresh start of making our life better, not the same.

So, if you don't move, you'll stay as your mother's carer?

If that's the case, start to learn ways to handle her emotional blackmailing because it will only get worse, rather than better. If she thinks she's won this time, the next move you suggest will be greeted with an even stronger reaction.

where.do.i.stand

Mojisola wrote: »

So, if you don't move, you'll stay as your mother's carer?

If that's the case, start to learn ways to handle her emotional blackmailing because it will only get worse, rather than better. If she thinks she's won this time, the next move you suggest will be greeted with an even stronger reaction.

I know its not good

where.do.i.stand

I think I just need to take a firm approach and tell her if it works out then I will be following and this is what we want, it can work if she allows it too and if not its a crying shame for all. Thanks to all that have posted.

System

Neither a borrower or lender be. That way she couldn't have thrown the money you owe her back in her face.

I'd pay it back as soon as you can cause if she's mentioned it once, she'll mention it again.

NAR

OP if she mentions the money loaned/given to you again, say this is one of the reasons you are moving. Your husband will be working to enable the monies to be repaid = loss of her argument.

The loss of her mother is unfortunate timing, but to be using emotional blackmail to control you and your family's lives is totally unacceptable.

Make your plans and move, while you still have the (emotional) strength to do so.

Joons

Your mum is clutching at straws to try and keep you there, I doubt she is doing it to be nasty, she's desperate so will say things she will no doubt be regretting. Stay firm but stay nice, reassure her as much as you can, this is a big thing for everyone but even her and she's feeling it hence the unkind words, she must love you all very much I would think to be so upset by the move. You are doing the right thing if it feels right just remember to try and be a bit patient with her, eventually she'll get used to the idea, don't give in but don't forget she's probably now feeling out of control.

KME91

I think you are being selfish, but bear with me here. I think you need to be selfish, if selfish means putting your needs and those of your partner and kids first. I think the decision you make needs to be the one that is the best for you and your family and that means you need to be a bit selfish. Thinking about your needs and putting yourself (and family) first sometimes is not a bad thing, especially given the experiences you're having with your mum right now. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.