Am I being Selfish?

marisco_2

I don't think you come across as being a selfish person at all OP. You uprooted your life and have dedicated the past few years to looking after and being there for your mum. You clearly have a very close bond with each other and have a lovely relationship where you do all can to help one another out.

It sounds as if she is quite vulnerable at the moment having just lost her mum. The idea of those closest to her moving so far away, despite there being another person who can care for her, has probably sent her into a state of panic and worry. Few can think rationally and calmly when they feel this way. This is most likely why she is questioning your decisions and raising concerns with you about taking this new direction in your life.

It is not unreasonable of you to want to return to an area you view as being 'home'. Especially when a job offer has been made that could bring your family unit financial security and prospects. You are factoring your mum into all of this and making plans for when you can visit so as to maintain regular contact. Talk it all through with her openly and honestly but don't be swayed from making the right decision for your future. In time she would adapt and come round. I am sure she is considerate and wise enough to ultimately want what is best for you all.

DianneB

I'm a grandmother and I hope I would never hold my children back like that, you do what's right for your family this chance may never come again and you will regret not taking it now.

pigpen

I think you need to at least consider it.. I just moved my daughters to a new primary school at 8 and 10 and they are doing great so starting at reception age won't be an issue.. I don't think you can turn down the offer of a job anywhere now.. I have 2 children doing exams so I'd not want to move them now but if OH was offered a job 500 miles away we would go because you have to..

A new carer is sorted, you have to do what is right for your immediate family.. yourself, your husband and your children..

they coped when you lived away last time they will manage again!

sulkisu

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Yes, you have a right to live your own lives but I think you do owe it to your mum to look after her needs as well.

I will probably get flamed for saying this , but when you have children, they should be your priority. If you can take care of others at the same time, that's great but if not then you have to put your children first. A life on benefits (for fit, healthy adults raising children) is no life. It's not just a question of money, there is also the fact of setting an example for children. I have three boys and if I need help or support in the future, it would be nice if they were able to give it. But I don't feel that they OWE it to me, especially if it means sacrificing their own well-being or that of their children.

So, to answer your question, 'no' you are not being selfish.

Mojisola

where.do.i.stand wrote: »

I just feel awful, she gets really nasty as well, with your not going to fork out money paying to move when you still owe me money. and if you move that's it we're done.

If my Mum had made these kind of comments to me, I would have started making plans to move away!

I wouldn't want such a destructive influence on my children. She might have a lovely relationship with your daughter at the moment but how is she going behave towards her as your daughter grows and has her own opinions or does things Nanny doesn't like?

CH27

You have to do what is best for your family's long term future regards income, children's education, quality of life etc.
Don't let your mum blackmail you.

where.do.i.stand

Thank you for all the comments of support. I really did need to hear others views on this for some re assurance. My sister only lives a hour away from her so she hasn't lost all family, obv she still has her husband too. I feel really bad for her, but as others say I really don't want to mess things up and miss this opportunity.

where.do.i.stand

Mind there is a 3 month trial period too, so I am wondering if for the kids sake its worth getting my partner to complete this 3 month trial first and stay in the house were in until that's done. Obviously I would commute about a lot so my partner can see the kids too, which is very important to me, I just don't want to end up being irresponsible and moving soi far without a back plan in case something doesn't work out.

poet123

where.do.i.stand wrote: »

Mind there is a 3 month trial period too, so I am wondering if for the kids sake its worth getting my partner to complete this 3 month trial first and stay in the house were in until that's done. Obviously I would commute about a lot so my partner can see the kids too, which is very important to me, I just don't want to end up being irresponsible and moving soi far without a back plan in case something doesn't work out.

I think that is a good idea. Then you can be as sure as possible that nothing will go wrong before you uproot them.

Mojisola

where.do.i.stand wrote: »

Mind there is a 3 month trial period too, so I am wondering if for the kids sake its worth getting my partner to complete this 3 month trial first and stay in the house were in until that's done. Obviously I would commute about a lot so my partner can see the kids too, which is very important to me, I just don't want to end up being irresponsible and moving soi far without a back plan in case something doesn't work out.

If you're on benefits now, can't that be your back-up plan? You won't be any worse off.