Help needed please, advice on seperation..

wimbles

My sisters relationship with partner of 10 years finally hit a low yesterday.

He hit her again, and she now realises that it cant go on.

They arent married, and have 3 lovely kids.(9, 4 and 2)

They have a nice house, which she loves and doesnt want to leave.

The relationship has been loveless for the last 2 years, but she withstood the torment for the kids sake.

Theyve agreed to try and "live amicably" until a seperation can be agreed.

He works away for 5 days of the week, so its the weekends where the pressure is.

He is the breadwinner, although she does part time work to give the kids a bit extra.

He is wanting to sell the house and (i imagine) split the assets.

This will virtually leave her and the kids homeless.

Both their names are on the house deeds and mortgage, although it is his wage that pays the mortgage.

She's desperate to try and maintain the standard of living they have now for the kids sake (firstly).

Can he insist on this house sale.

If he cant, she fears he will quit his job, to avoid paying the mortgage.

What is the possible outcome of this scenario.

All help and constructive criticism greatly appreciated.

All questions will be answered

alwaysonthego_2

Firstly your sister needs to go to the citezens advice bureua pronto. She will be able to claim income support and child tax credits and council tax benefit tbut she will have to report her husband to the csa, but the cab will explain this.

Regarding the house both parties have to agree to the sale, so he can not force her to sell, but he may try to pressure her. He has a legal obligation to pay his half of the morgage so tell your sister to keep records of any payments she's had to make to cover his share. Even if your sister does agree to a sale it does not necessarily mean they will be a 50:50 share, your sister may be entitled to more (see solicitor/cab). Regarding the payments housing benefits after a quailifying period (sooner if a partner has left) can't remember the times but they will pay the interest on the morgage. Your sister maybe could check with the morgage company if they would give her a payment holiday. It's worth asking.

The cab will ask if she has any debts remembering that the morgage, and utility bills are prioty debts and need to be kept up to date.

Your sister unfortunetly will probably not be able to keep up with the lifestyle she and her kids have been customed to, kids with love will adapt to changes really well and your sister shouldn't feel guilty. Good luck

p.s it doesn't matter it was his wage that paid the morgage, she was at home bringing up his kids so therefore it was his duty to provide for his family

moj1966

Your friends partner has a legal right to live in the marital home unless there is a reason to keep them away.
look on the womens aid website for further info.


Your legal rights

If you are frightened of your current or former partner, then you have a right to be protected under the law. These are some of the legal options you have:
You have rights under the criminal law. Being assaulted by someone you know or live with is just as much a crime as violence from a stranger, and often more dangerous. See Police and the criminal prosecution process for more information.
You can apply for a civil court order to tell your abuser to stop harassing or hurting you, or to keep out of or away from your home. See Getting an injunction for information on these options.
You can get help with emergency or temporary accommodation. See Where can I go? - Housing options for more information.
The law can also help to protect children. You can apply to the Family Courts for an order specifying where and with whom the children should live, and regulating contact with the other parent. See Making arrangements for children after separation and in particular the sections on Contact with the other parent, Residence and Threatened abduction.
Domestic violence is dealt with both under the criminal law and the civil law. The two systems are separate and are administered by separate courts:
The civil law is primarily aimed at protection (or in some cases compensation). A survivor of domestic violence can make an application for an injunction (a court order) either to the Family Proceedings Court or the County Court (usually through her solicitor). Other family proceedings (such as child contact or divorce) also take place in the County Court.
The criminal law is primarily aimed at punishing the offender. The police together with the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) initiate the process. Criminal cases are heard in either the Magistrates' Court or the Crown Court depending on the severity of the charge.

MXW

Speaking from experience......the husband cannot make her sell the house while ever there are young children. She could keep the house on and either sell the house when the youngest reaches 16 (I think) or pay the husband off, she would have to do the afore mentioned also if she moved house or moved a partner in with her. Having said that, this would have to be thrashed out with the solicitors and the husband would have to pay his share of the mortgage, so she would still be "tied" to him. That said, don't forget that if he does not pay the mortgage then it's your sister and the children who could be made homeless, although it's a joint mortgage, the lender hold you jointly responsible for paying the mortgage and don't care who they get it from! My ex was violent, had an affair and left me and two very small children, despite the fact that I was not working at that time (having a career break) and he was earning in excess of £50,000, he paid nothing towards bills, mortgage, child support etc, to the point I was in serious debt! The mortgage company were sending me threatening letters (even when I managed to pay 1/2 the mortgage), despite the fact that my solicitor sent letters to then explaining that a court date was pending they wasn't interested. In my opinion she is better off cutting her losses and buying something she can afford and that is hers, with no tie to her husband (then he will not be in control) if your sister is working then she will get ctc and wtc and will be able to manage. As for the lifestyle I am afraid she will have to forget it! I did and it's the best thing I ever did! All the matters is that the children are well looked after and happy, if they have to go without a few material things then so be it, I bet they don't even notice. I did it, it's not easy, but my children are so much happier and confident. I strongly suggest that she seeks legal advice. Good luck to her and her children. x

wimbles

Thanks for everything above

but Does ALL of this still apply as they are NOT married??

Smashing

wimbles wrote: »

They arent married,

The marriage has been loveless

Theyve agreed to try and "live amicably" until a seperation can be agreed.

So are they married or not?

becky004

MXW wrote: »

Speaking from experience......the husband cannot make her sell the house while ever there are young children.

I too am speaking from experience...... I had a 2yr old daughter with my husband and legally was told the house had to be sold (as he couldn't pay his share of mortgage and for a home for himself). In the end I payed the mortgage for 5 years on my own (by working 7 days a week and double shifts, I could not take mortgage over in my own name only though as I did not have a permanent contract, only temporary). However when it came time to sell up legally he was entitled to half of the profit although he had only payed his half of the mortgage for 2 months out of 5 years!
Fortunately he did not claim 50% but did walk away with 20%

ailuro2

It doesn;t matter a jot how nice her house is, if he hit her (again!) then she cannot afford to live under the same roof as him, she could be in greater danger. Even bunking down on a relatives floor is better for the kids than seeing their Mum beaten up.:mad:

Help her to get help, and to understand that houses are only bricks and mortar, and it is not a home if there is violent behaviour inside.

wimbles

Smashing wrote: »

So are they married or not?

My apologies, NO, they arent married...now editted original post ..............

wimbles

MXW wrote: »

Speaking from experience......the husband cannot make her sell the house while ever there are young children. She could keep the house on and sell the house when the youngest reaches 16. As for the lifestyle I am afraid she will have to forget it! I did and it's the best thing I ever did! All the matters is that the children are well looked after and happy, if they have to go without a few material things then so be it, I bet they don't even notice. I did it, it's not easy, but my children are so much happier and confident. I strongly suggest that she seeks legal advice. Good luck to her and her children. x

The "till living in the house" is, I suppose, dependant on her (then ex) partner remaining in employment.

We imagine him packing in work, so as not to provide any maintenance, and she could not earn enough to afford the mortgage on her own.

There may be £50k left after the sale, but with house prices in the area(her family being around her) being quite high, her share would soon fritter away at private rent prices..............

Elle00

As someone who has been in a similar situation I know for a fact your sister will hit a few brick walls unless she reports the violence to the police.

Firstly the council may refuse to assist unless she can show good reason for needing assistance; I had to give them a crime reference number to claim housing benefit but then I was married so it may have been different? If the house isn't owned outright that she's living in she'll still need the council's assistance to pay housing benefit for the rent or mortgage.

With regards to claiming rights over the marital home under women's aid laws again, how can she reasonably do so without proof she has been abused? Having her name on the deeds really helps matters but the only way she can have him evicted is by proving he is a threat to her.

My ex got cautioned the first time I reported him but the second time I reported it, the last time, CPS threw the case out because I had waited a week to report it and it was my word against his. Oh, and the police forgot to put film in the camera to document my injuries... I had waited a week to decide if it was really over or not and am sure this can't be all that unusual a thing to do.

No matter how amicable things are now they could go wrong at any time. If she claims the house saying it is not her fault the relationship ended because of his abuse he could easily turn around and say that she's just saying that to keep the house.

As far as assets go, she can take what she needs from the marital home and anything else she'd have to seriously fight for in court as she is not married (I assume as you say partner not husband). My friend was advised about this recently as she is unmarried with children and also even though I was married, I was still told I had to put my name on the deeds for our new house to have any entitlement over it. She won't get maintenance unless through the CSA and I doubt she can claim any entitlement to his pension or any shares etc he has. The law reckons it protects "common law wives" but the impression I have been given is that they will consider cases in court but there is no entitlement.

As others have said she can start claiming CTC and Income Support as well as housing benefit and council tax relief but only when the partner leaves. Otherwise she will be accused of benefit fraud or forced to make a joint claim which will make her ineligible for most benefits (the higher ones). If she continues to work part-time she can get Working Tax Credits and childcare assistance which is slightly better than IS and better for her self-esteem and social life too.

Really sorry for the spanner but if she wants to move on, the least she has to do to qualify for financial assistance is get him out the house, or go the council and ask for a hostel place.

Best wishes to your sister, tell her to stay strong and remember how fab she'll feel in a few months time when the emotional wounds start to heal. She can get help from Home Start if her kids are under 5 or from Refuge if she needs some extra support.