Help needed please, advice on seperation..

wimbles

Elle83 wrote: »

As someone who has been in a similar situation I know for a fact your sister will hit a few brick walls unless she reports the violence to the police.

She did report it, and they came out and took details, but because he is on probation,(happenned after they "fell out") we suspect they didnt do anything, as the prisons are full

Elle00

I apologise, I wrongly assumed that if she was still living with him she wouldn't have reported it.

I know it sounds really cold and calculated to say that she needs to have reported it for financial reasons but it really will count for some things. It's so easy for amicable ex's to turn nasty overnight and it would be awful if she found herself in a court battle for the home or other assets after everything she's already got to deal with.

wimbles

Elle83 wrote: »

I apologise, I wrongly assumed that if she was still living with him she wouldn't have reported it.

I know it sounds really cold and calculated to say that she needs to have reported it for financial reasons but it really will count for some things. It's so easy for amicable ex's to turn nasty overnight and it would be awful if she found herself in a court battle for the home or other assets after everything she's already got to deal with.

No need to apologise, all the facts need to come out to get a true picture, shes still living with him, as she and the kids have nowhere else to go, and she dosnt want to leave the kids, as in his often drunken state, anything could happen..........

Lets just hope he returns to work early Monday morning, then she has 4/5 days to get her head round this, without unwanted interuptions.

Elle00

Something I was told, but didn't want to persue as I hated my marital home, was that if a partner is obviously a threat in the eyes of the courts (which he will be if he has accepted an official police caution - even if there was no penalty handed out or court appearance) she can get to a legal aid accepting solicitor ASAP on Monday morning and get him barred from the family home along with an injunction. She has to be really sure she is ready to take this step though as it's a big thing to do and would seriously peeve her ex (which might cause more problems).

wimbles

Elle83 wrote: »

Something I was told, but didn't want to persue as I hated my marital home, was that if a partner is obviously a threat in the eyes of the courts (which he will be if he has accepted an official police caution - even if there was no penalty handed out or court appearance) she can get to a legal aid accepting solicitor ASAP on Monday morning and get him barred from the family home along with an injunction. She has to be really sure she is ready to take this step though as it's a big thing to do and would seriously peeve her ex (which might cause more problems).

Although the police came out and interviewed her, and supposedly went to look for him, we suspect that after they subsequently found out he was already on probation( and for the reasons i stated above) they didnt even bother to look for or caution him.......although the incident was hopefully/supposedly logged..........

I would imagine it would have to be logged, as incidents unlogged like this could lead to serious disciplinary action, if omitted.

wimbles

It appears he has taken the hint, and has contacted a solicitor, as has my sister, but i was wondering what the likely outcome is of the house....

Anyone any idea of how the assets of the unmarried partnership would be divided,

She has suggested she buys his share of the house....If say after valueing, it was worth say £100k, and they had say a £40k mortgage, would the split be 50/50 or would the fact that she has 3 kids living with her make that split more favourable to her, in estimating the amount she needs to find, to buy his share.

On another view, if he refused to be bought out and continued to work, and contribute to the household, and say earned £400 a week(after deductions) and she earned nothing, what could she expect from him via the CSA...............(mortgage, bills, 3 children)

Oldernotwiser

wimbles wrote: »

Although the police came out and interviewed her, and supposedly went to look for him, we suspect that after they subsequently found out he was already on probation( and for the reasons i stated above) they didnt even bother to look for or caution him.......although the incident was hopefully/supposedly logged..........

I would imagine it would have to be logged, as incidents unlogged like this could lead to serious disciplinary action, if omitted.

Could she contact his Probation Officer?

hev_2

I know that this is slightly off topic, but if your friend has a really nice home which she wants to keep for the kids's sake and to keep the standard of living for the kids' sake, she may be mistaken.

Speaking from my experiences when I was a child, it is better to be in appalling emergency council housing than watching Daddy beat up Mummy in a posh semi.

Children do pick up on things, it comes out in all sorts of ways such as attitude to school. It will also have an effect in later life. If they are in a loving, secure home, then a drop in the standard of their home will not be as important. The age of the children is also a factor, and whether they can get housing near their school.

When all is said and done, never stay in a relationship where the other partner (male or female) hits you once. No matter what they say, you have a better chance of winning the lottery than of it not being repeated. Your friend deserves better. I really hope things work out for her and her children.

Hev

KittyKate

Couldn't have put it better myself. Better to have happy safe kids in a rented council house than a private house which hides so much violence, pain and misery. Your kids might love the fresh start and to know their mum is out of danger. No way would I live with a drunken bully when there are options out there. Tell her to get out before he hits one of the kids, or picks up a knife.

wimbles

wimbles wrote: »

It appears he has taken the hint, and has contacted a solicitor, as has my sister, but i was wondering what the likely outcome is of the house....

Anyone any idea of how the assets of the unmarried partnership would be divided,

She has suggested she buys his share of the house....If say after valueing, it was worth say £100k, and they had say a £40k mortgage, would the split be 50/50 or would the fact that she has 3 kids living with her make that split more favourable to her, in estimating the amount she needs to find, to buy his share.

On another view, if he refused to be bought out and continued to work, and contribute to the household, and say earned £400 a week(after deductions) and she earned nothing, what could she expect from him via the CSA...............(mortgage, bills, 3 children)

All replies are being acted upon and things are moving on, He has moved out, and is living temporarily elsewhere, but still visits for clothes etc...thanks...but can anyone answer my question above about assetts please.....he is prepared to let her buy him out,/or she is prpared to sell up, but what would be the likely court outcome of a "split".....bearing in mind, she has the 3 children......