Is child maintenance for school expenses?

Seanymph

Thankyou all for reading it carefully enough to understand.

I would never have been without my girls for a minute, for all the freedom (and for the record all maintenance stopped when they were about 7 and 8 and he and the g/f - now gone - moved to Canada).....

It's the point that if i was free to earn unencumbered, as he was - and take overtime and cancel parenting at the drop of a hat - then I could have earnt far more. As a full time parent I didn't have that choice. I had to phone the boss because they were ill, miss an afternoon unpaid for sports day, pay a babysitter to make the PTA meetings.....

An equal starting point is that there is someone PAID to care for the kids - a nanny at home, before school club, after school club, babysitters, someone to prepare the meal, the cleaner, someone to take them to clubs and pick them up - 24/7 availability. If he would pay 50% of THAT to allow me to work as and when and prioritise earning, then I'd have happily paid 50% of the xpenses they incurred with uniform etc and he could pay the other half and I could then run a house with what I had left - because free to earn I'd earn as much if not more than him. With that equal starting point you can pay half each, because you both have the ability to earn equally.

I once worked out what that would cost him - he shut up for several months about 'what you spend MY money on'.

As a Resident Parent you don't have the ability to earn - you just don't - at the same level.

Now I'm not saying you should be compensated as such - I'm just saying how can it be fair to pay half each for something for your joint children if he can work and pay for it and you can't because you are holding their heads over a sick bowl, taking them to A & E (again), chasing p.e. kits before school and sitting applauding at a ballet recital after school.

The NRP on the other hand can work a 12 hour shift, pop into the pub on the way home and still have a chinese!

I was lucky to get in a six hour day... without paying someone else to parent my children which I wasn't prepared to.

So I'm just pointing out that I'm not a fan of the 'what do you mean you bought yourself new shoes you had some last year' school of NRPing.

I also should say I had no issues with my ex prior to the g/f arriving, but she felt somehow I should receive the bare minimum, account for every penny, and only ever spend it on the children - despite the fact that I was lucky if he had them one weekend a month, and that wasn't reliable - so earning for me was extremely difficult.

JoW123

Seanymph wrote: »

Thankyou all for reading it carefully enough to understand.

I would never have been without my girls for a minute, for all the freedom (and for the record all maintenance stopped when they were about 7 and 8 and he and the g/f - now gone - moved to Canada).....

It's the point that if i was free to earn unencumbered, as he was - and take overtime and cancel parenting at the drop of a hat - then I could have earnt far more. As a full time parent I didn't have that choice. I had to phone the boss because they were ill, miss an afternoon unpaid for sports day, pay a babysitter to make the PTA meetings.....

An equal starting point is that there is someone PAID to care for the kids - a nanny at home, before school club, after school club, babysitters, someone to prepare the meal, the cleaner, someone to take them to clubs and pick them up - 24/7 availability. If he would pay 50% of THAT to allow me to work as and when and prioritise earning, then I'd have happily paid 50% of the xpenses they incurred with uniform etc and he could pay the other half and I could then run a house with what I had left - because free to earn I'd earn as much if not more than him. With that equal starting point you can pay half each, because you both have the ability to earn equally.

I once worked out what that would cost him - he shut up for several months about 'what you spend MY money on'.

As a Resident Parent you don't have the ability to earn - you just don't - at the same level.

Now I'm not saying you should be compensated as such - I'm just saying how can it be fair to pay half each for something for your joint children if he can work and pay for it and you can't because you are holding their heads over a sick bowl, taking them to A & E (again), chasing p.e. kits before school and sitting applauding at a ballet recital after school.

The NRP on the other hand can work a 12 hour shift, pop into the pub on the way home and still have a chinese!

I was lucky to get in a six hour day... without paying someone else to parent my children which I wasn't prepared to.

So I'm just pointing out that I'm not a fan of the 'what do you mean you bought yourself new shoes you had some last year' school of NRPing.

I also should say I had no issues with my ex prior to the g/f arriving, but she felt somehow I should receive the bare minimum, account for every penny, and only ever spend it on the children - despite the fact that I was lucky if he had them one weekend a month, and that wasn't reliable - so earning for me was extremely difficult.

Thankfully my ex has never asked exactly where the money goes. I would tell him exactly where to go if he did!! He probably realises its best to keep quiet because I know he earns plenty more than the CSA think he does. I've chosen to let sleeping dogs lie with that one. Completely get what you are saying with the rest of your post though. putting your children first means a lot of choices just aren't there.

justme111

Seanymph wrote: »

Thankyou all for reading it carefully enough to understand.

I would never have been without my girls for a minute, for all the freedom (and for the record all maintenance stopped when they were about 7 and 8 and he and the g/f - now gone - moved to Canada).....

It's the point that if i was free to earn unencumbered, as he was - and take overtime and cancel parenting at the drop of a hat - then I could have earnt far more. As a full time parent I didn't have that choice. I had to phone the boss because they were ill, miss an afternoon unpaid for sports day, pay a babysitter to make the PTA meetings.....

An equal starting point is that there is someone PAID to care for the kids - a nanny at home, before school club, after school club, babysitters, someone to prepare the meal, the cleaner, someone to take them to clubs and pick them up - 24/7 availability. If he would pay 50% of THAT to allow me to work as and when and prioritise earning, then I'd have happily paid 50% of the xpenses they incurred with uniform etc and he could pay the other half and I could then run a house with what I had left - because free to earn I'd earn as much if not more than him. With that equal starting point you can pay half each, because you both have the ability to earn equally.

I once worked out what that would cost him - he shut up for several months about 'what you spend MY money on'.

As a Resident Parent you don't have the ability to earn - you just don't - at the same level.

Now I'm not saying you should be compensated as such - I'm just saying how can it be fair to pay half each for something for your joint children if he can work and pay for it and you can't because you are holding their heads over a sick bowl, taking them to A & E (again), chasing p.e. kits before school and sitting applauding at a ballet recital after school.

The NRP on the other hand can work a 12 hour shift, pop into the pub on the way home and still have a chinese!

I was lucky to get in a six hour day... without paying someone else to parent my children which I wasn't prepared to.

So I'm just pointing out that I'm not a fan of the 'what do you mean you bought yourself new shoes you had some last year' school of NRPing.

I also should say I had no issues with my ex prior to the g/f arriving, but she felt somehow I should receive the bare minimum, account for every penny, and only ever spend it on the children - despite the fact that I was lucky if he had them one weekend a month, and that was. n't reliable - so earning for me was extremely difficult.

Life is never ideal after split.
It does not mean nrp would have to pay in money terms for it not being ideal. Btw the majority of them do anyway as a house usually stays with an rp.

eschaton

Deleted_User wrote: »

I wanted to gauge what is fair before I approach their father. He does pay a bit above what the CSA would suggest if that helps.

Take the bit that he pays above what CSA suggest.

Save this up and use it for swimming lessons and school trips.

jackieblack

Deleted_User wrote: »

So the general consensus seems to be that CM covers all school supplies except school trips/school swimming lessons.

If the trip/swimming is during school hours than the school can only request a voluntary contribution towards the cost, so it is up to parents (applies equally to both parents) whether they choose to contribute (and schools cannot discriminate against pupils whose parents choose not to contribute).

Spendless

I remember my friends ex husband asking her for the dinner money and milk money and cost of breakfast club back because he'd had to have the children because she'd been in hospital for a few days and he'd already paid maintainance.

If things are amicable with your ex, why don't you see if you can agree on what you do when occasional 'extra' expenditure comes up. You might agree for example that you will split school trip money or half it ifit is over a certain £, same for school uniform you might agree that it comes out of the CM paid but once it gets to kitting out for secondary for the first time costs are shared and so on.

As for what Seanynmph said,I pointed out similar to my 10yo daughter only recently. It's not applicable to our circs me and husband are together and have no children from previous relationships,but DD's best friend has divorced parents and DD was under the impression that she'd be better off living with her Dad for financial reason, I said more or less what has been said and followed it up with how expensive having children on a day to day basis is and got daughter to add up how much she'd cost over the last 2 days from direct payments such as dinner money, asc, pocket money to swimming lessons and indirect ones she hadn't thought about her share on the grocery bill and living in a more expensive house so there was room for her and her brother and in order to send them to a decent local school. Daughter had no idea how much her 'running costs' (for want of a better word-lol) were.

Taken4granted

Hi, I can put forward the thoughts of a NRP to this. I have paid CM every month and I have also paid extra for trips and uniforms at times. I also have my boys 3 weekends out of 4 and some bank holidays and for upto 15 days during holidays.

I agree that I have no say in where the CM money goes but it all depends on the circumstances involved. The money should be for the well being of the children.

I am certain the money I pay doesn't go just on the children and it is used for various debts and habits should I say. I know the children have pot noodles and microwave pizzas at meal times and no breakfast. But there is nothing I can do about it and it is more frustrating to know it and not be able to do anything.

My children are still my priority even though I'm not there, when I have them they have breakfast and supper and 2 good meals a day. Myself and my wife have went without for over a year so we can provide for my boys and take them away for nice trips out.

I can understand PWC frustration when they aren't getting maintenance and the NRP isn't there for their children to share responsibility.

Sorry if I've had a little rant but as I said it's all down to circumstance and it seems that NRP's get a raw deal at times.