first time baby and we're freaking out

andfear_2

My DH and I have been married 6 years and now I'm 6 months pregnant - and neither of us seems happy!

We have a full life and have been very happy. So whats happened ? Have we got major issues? I'm not thrilled at being less then my usual self hes not happy at picking up the slack.

Sorry if I sound awful but im hoping someone else has been here?

LoopyLil_2

Maybe you are both a little apprehensive about the changes that are going to take place? in a few months your lives are going to really change. Becoming parents for the first time is a daunting thing to go through but we have all been there. There were times when I was carrying my DS and i often used to get wobbles, 'what ifs' and 'how am i going to cope' etc
Just talk to each other, are you both scared? It is tiring carrying a baby, your body is no longer your 'own' but you are doing something really amazing.

Just keep talking to each other

pukkamum

andfear wrote: »

My DH and I have been married 6 years and now I'm 6 months pregnant - and neither of us seems happy!

We have a full life and have been very happy. So whats happened ? Have we got major issues? I'm not thrilled at being less then my usual self hes not happy at picking up the slack.

Sorry if I sound awful but im hoping someone else has been here?

I think part of the trouble when pregnant with your first is that when you hit the 6 mth mark you are over the initial excitement, the tiredness sets in, you start worrying, you may not be showing massively and it can feel like a long time until d day.
Perhaps dh is strugging with you no longer being your old self, he is probably stressed and worried and if you aren't talking things through it can get worse.
Is there any chance you could have a few days away together, amking the most of being just the 2 of you, have you started buying what you need, that can add to the excitement as can name deciding etc.
Your hormones will be all over the place making you super sensitive and emotional.
This will pass just keep talking and enjoying each other.
Remeber pregnancy isn't a wonderful experience for everyone, I struggled with being pregnant with all 3 of mine, desperate to get my body back, hating the mood swings.
Don't feel bad or guilty for not enjoying it, the end result will be worth it I promise x x

pigpen

it is all perfectly normal. I think it happens in most pregnancies.

The middle bit is the boring bit.. you don't feel sick any more, you are not that huge that you can't do most of your usual stuff but you get tired more easily and something has to give..

It is a massive life change becoming a family and of course that brings a huge amount of fear of the unknown, fear for the future, wondering how everything will go and if you will cope.. it is all absolutely normal and will pass.. and be replaced by different fears.. this is the pattern your life will follow forever now.. you go from one fear/worry/self doubt as every decision you make has effects on all of you.

Talk these worries through with your OH and if necessary the midwife and see if you can iron out some of them.

Trust your instincts.. very few people manage to misplace or break their children, they are quite robust creatures. it will all be fine!

Make-it-3

My marriage went thru one of its worst patches when I was pregnant. So I don't think its unusual.

There's a good reason pregnancies last 9 months - so you can both get your head around it.

Also its hard because your life changes the minute you find out, a lot of attention is on you. You get tired, can't drink, get sick, aches & pains and its hard for the man to understand all that especially when there's not much to see externally.

Have you been doing things together - buying things for the baby, talking about how things will change? Can you take a holiday or short break to reconnect and spend some quality time together?

Even if not, it will come together. As your belly gets bigger he will see how hard it is for you to be as active, he will be able to feel the baby moving and get geared up to being a dad.

Good luck with it all.

Lindy_-_Loo

I didnt enjoy being pregnant both times but it meant I got my boys which made it worth while.

Everything changes for both you and your husband and it took my husband alot longer than me to accept this.

Enjoy your time together before baby makes 3, I agree with what others have posted your life will change so much (for the better) once the baby is born xxx

AlSelley

If you've been well at every other point then it's up to you to ask yourself what actually is different? You probably know the answer! make a couple of lists and look down the lines to see where the negative change comes from. Otherwise all we can do is foist our own neuroses on your kind heart!

McKneff

It's probably down to fear, fear of the unknown, you have never had to do this before, eh.

Probably every pregnant couple have gone through this even for a fleeting second.

Look on it as a new adventure in your life. Its a different path than the one you've been treading for all these years.

Take it as it comes, and most of all, enjoy.

SUESMITH_2

don't worry, its all perfectly normal. sit down and have a good chat with each other - it is a really difficult time of adjustment and getting ready and like others have said this is the boring bit. good luck x

DigForVictory

You're very busy physically & psychologically, both gestating & redrawing your "mental map" to include a third party. A couple of days off, just to get some extra rest, might well help get past this hump.

You two need to celebrate these changes coming, together - the shock of the new is easier side by side!


Good luck, today and in the coming weeks, months and years together!

Nagme

Do you know how your husband is feeling, does he relay the conversations he has with his male friends?

It's just that my husband's close friend almost lost his wife during childbirth (she was fine, just a rare complication) and although my husband was excited, he was also very very nervous. When DS was born he said that he felt that he felt a huge level of responsibilty all of a sudden for his family and life had a whole new meaning to him.

Who knows what goes through peoples heads if it doesn't get discussed?

I was nervous too, it is such a huge undertaking, both physically and mentally. Our DS is 6 years old next week, and I still look at him when he is sleeping, feeling amazed by parenthood!

Best wishes!