The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

PRINCESSX87

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYN. Hope you have a great day. You deserve it chick xx

SQ, Don’t get me started on the benefits of this country. it’s a sheer disgrace, I understand there is many people who abuse the system, But instead of punishing them, They punish everyone!

Not been online very much over the past week. Went to counselling on Wednesday. I’m a little concerned about where I’ll be heading over the next few sessions. The exposure didn’t go as planned therefore I’ve been told I will need a second, Even a third course of treatment. As you can imagine this hasn’t gone down well with my self esteem. However, my counsellor is nearing the end of her pregnancy, So my question is…Where do I go from here? Start over with someone new? Wait until she comes back from maternity leave? No one can seem to answer me!

I don’t feel comfortable starting over with someone new, Having to go through the same emotions again, Explaining my life’s details to yet another total stranger. But on the other hand if I stop attending I’ve wasted all these sessions & my time….I guess only time will tell.

We had baby over the weekend so her parents could have some free time, Meaning that I now have a tone of housework, Washing, Ironing to get done. I’m pressed for time, Because we’re out all day tomorrow at a funeral.

Anyways, Must run, Pups needs walking. Have a good day all x

fuddle

SQ I fink you're being hard on yourself hun. easy for me to say I know but I do get it. You sound overwhelmed. Work out what it is thr uou want to sort the most and start because once you start you will be rewarded with progress which will fuel you to continue. Sounds like you're struggling with so many elements but ask yourself are your pressures self inflicted (perfection?) or based on what others' perceive you should be like (perfection?) then realise that neither camps are a realistic way of living ad give yourself a little well deserved break from striving for summat that will make you ill. And dear SQ, you went to the trouble of hot water bottles (cool tip, consider it nicked for the micra!) and fleece blankies for little one so no, no, no to the idea that your not being the best mum you can be - rubbish my friend I hope you're able to achieve a little something today in order to quash the failure thoughts. X

[Deleted User]

FUDDLE it's a dilemma isn't it pet? Standing outside the emotional distress I can see that mum is missing you and most likely not getting the same support from your sister as she had from you, so is putting the onus on you to fix life yet again. It is something you can't do from this distance and neither is it feasible for you to drive up to get your mum and then drive her back again and get yourself back to the south again. I think she is trying to pull strings to get you back at her beck and call but is not thinking clearly because of the alcohol. Your sister is probably where you were a few months ago with your mum having a couple of months dealing with the problems by herself and is realising that nothing she can do or say will make a difference, the only person who can help mum is MUM herself and she's not going to do that is she? You have taken the steps you needed to to be independent of the problems they bring, they will neither one like that fact but you really should think of you and yours first, middle and last and don't feel guilty for having made your lives better and less complicated by moving on. You don't need to grow up love, you already did and took some difficult decisions but you were right to do so!!! Don't weaken, don't give in to the emotional blackmail and if needs be, change your phone number, here if you need me Lyn xxx.

[Deleted User]

SQ we love you just the way you are, no conditions, no expectations just YOU!!! This is a judgemental world full of falsities my lovely, every TV programme, newspaper, magazine, 'expert' will give you the message that some peoples lives are perfect and contain everything that is needed for them to live a perfect life AND IT'S ALL LIES!!! There is no such thing as a perfect life and we all have days when we look round our homes and lives and think 'Why me? Why can't I do it better, Why do I feel innundated with life? well, it's the human condition and I don't know anyone who doesn't feel that way every now and then, including me!!! You do all you can to make life for your lads lovely and happy, you support Mr SQ, you do your very best to help your friends, you do your very best to make your money do the work of 2 wages, you try your hardest to make life good, and we see this in your every post and we love you for it. You are NOT superwoman and I'll bet even she has an ironing pile and dusty shelves!!! Look at what you DO achieve, you do a very good job, you are a good and caring person and you are kindness itself, love you SQ 'cos you deserve it, you are OK girlie, and doing a good job under not easy circumstances, bless you you're definately good enough, Love and hugs Lyn xxx.

grandma247

I agree with you MrsL alcoholics can be very manipulative.
Stay strong Fuddle.

FairyPrincessk

SQ Big hugs! Fuddle is right. You're being too hard on yourself. And, Mrs. LW is right, no one actually does it all. I've been known to have similar feelings myself. I think the flexible schedule idea is a good one. I also like to make 'done it' lists instead of 'to do' lists. What that means is that I make it a point to focus on all of the things I did get done in any given day. I think for many of us it is a lot more than we give ourselves credit for! Kids at school, dressed in uniforms and fed? That is huge.

Fuddle, it sounds like your mother is trying to test your boundaries. Remember what you HAVE offered her: an invitation to visit to see her grandchildren and time with the family. That is something substantial, and excuse me for saying so but I don't think it is appropriate for her to complain about it because it doesn't happen to come with the conditions she would like. Like any invitation, she can take it or leave it!

fuddle

I don't know how you guys do it but you've spoken to me and I actually get it. I'm supposed to owe mam for giving birth to me. That's how it works. I have you a life so you live yours to please me. That's why I feel the guilt but as DH put it to me late last night, I haven't achieved because of that heck I was barely living any life up there. Mam has manipulated everything to get her own way for too long. Is it ok to not feel like we owe our parents and be selfish in doing what we want with our lives?

If my girls want to move away, go to university, travel and experience then they are going even though I will miss them. I don't want my kids to live their life to please me... they must grow and flourish and find their own niche in life. But do I think this because I have had the opposite or is flourishing independent children the norm?

I guess it will come down to how badly she wants to see the girls as to whether she books a bus ticket. I get nerves and anxiety, scared of getting lost in the big bad wide world but what I don't get is the pushing of those 'I can't do, I'm scared' on to others. If I can't do, I don't do and keep quiet, beating my own self up for missing out. I've never blamed anyone else or manipulated a situation to make another feel bad just so I can feel a bit better.

There's one thing I have learne these past few months and that is just get on and do it because in the doing it you lose the anxiety of 'having to do it' does that make sense?

mardatha

Can't put into words the blazing anger I feel at the way people are being treated by the Job Centres. I hope and pray that the people involved who condone this behaviour get their comeuppance and soon.
This is where I wish I knew voodoo. Seriously lol

[Deleted User]

Total sense little one and no it isn't at all wrong to not feel you owe parents anything for having brought you into this world. You don't expect that from your girls do you? I certainly don't expect it from mine! Rather I feel immense pride in the fact that they are fully independent and coping with their choice of career and lifestyle and progressing in seniority while living their lives to the full and enjoying all of it. The fact that they still like us as people and choose to share time with us is just the icing on the cake. I and He Who Knows both were able to let them be who they are at all stages of their lives, and we neither one of us EXPECT anything as our right from either one of them and they are our friends as much as our chilren which is an absolute joy!!! Stand firm pet, and enjoy your new and happy life and don't let anyone make you do anything you don't want to for any reason they can come up with!!! Lyn xxx.

nuttyp

Hi everyone, finally got my housework done - just a lick n a promise in places but its tidyish. Tomorrow we are going to put up the 'new to us' bed frame we got for DD and the mattress had fully grown. It is a new memory foam one, but at a bargain price of £50 from a clearance line at ikea listed on ebay.
Fuddle keep strong, your mum is a grown adult and if she really really wants to come and see you all she will. Family's hey!!!
MRS LW happy birthday, I hope you are having an amazing day doing whatever pleases you.


Well must go and prepare some food for work later, OH and DD have casserole in sc for tea. take care x