The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

kidcat

Thats a decision only you can make as a family, I will say that I was at the same point when OH was made redundant and the relief to not be doing it alone any more was incredible. I didnt realise just how bad it was affecting me until he finished, and I was no longer solely responsible.
I was devastated when he took his new job last week, and am still very upset by it all.

But he wasnt happy not working and decided without any input from me he wanted to work - so that is something to consider, will he be happy not being in work. OH was off work for three weeks and he resented that whilst he had given up his "life", I had a life. He wasnt willing to wait to establish a new life and in reality he didnt enjoy the idea of having responsibility for the kids.

Financially we were no worse off either, but another sticking point was that he hated the idea of being reliant on benefits - he sees all the press coverage and hates it. My issue with it was that the government is determined to cut benefits and I worried how we would cope if any more cuts occurred.

Its something you both need to be in total agreement over and also be singing from the same hymn sheet.

Can he work reduced hours instead? would that be of any use for you?

When he is there are you able to hand over to him? will you be able to do that if he is there full time?
How easy would he find a new job if you both decided it wasnt working?

Personally having cared for two disabled children forever I would choose to have OH here to help, especially with the heavy stuff. Your two are both fairly young yet and it would allow you to hopefully sort out your own health, I cannot describe the exhaustion of going it alone for this long,

good luck I do hope you come to a decision you both are happy with

stiltwalker

Thanks for all your time today Kidcat (and apologies for taking over the thread).

We're pretty lucky in that DH can take a career break from work (from 3 months to 5 years) and although not guaranteed 'his' job back he can go back to work after the time he specifies (ie 3 years) however in practice he could just contact HR if he wanted to return to work earlier or later. So have that as a safety net. He's doing an OU degree with the ultimate aim of working as a TA with kids with specific LD as he is dyslexic himself (DD's new head has already said he is welcome to volunteer the required amount to do the OU TA module and was really enthusiastic about having a male TA with dyslexia as a role model for a certain type of pupil) so he would still be doing something brain/work related.

Benefits being reduced does worry me a bit but having said that by our standards we actually feel quite well off at the moment (we've been really skint in the past both together and separately) and are generally frugal and non materialistic in nature so could pull our belts tighter if necessary. He's already reduced hours and there are jobs going at his store for less hours at the moment but they are morning ones so wouldn't solve the problem.

He's keener than me for him to finish - he worries terribly about my back and about my stress levels and he's more your take one day at a time about finances where I like to plan for whatifs!

I'll tell him you said he was young - he'll be your friend forever - in his mid 40s he doesn't get that very often these days!

Thanks again, think I've probably made my mind up - just one thing to check out with my parents tomorrow and then I think he'll be writing his letter tomorrow.X

carlymummy

***FEEL FREE TO IGNORE LONG POST*** :rotfl:
Morning everyone,
Thank you all for the words of advice and/or support much appreciated. When I went to collect him at lunch to go to speech therapy the headmistress was waiting for me and asked me to sign him onto the SEN register which I did gladly as he should be on there anyway for his speech, I told her that I have made a GP apt to discuss behaviours mentioned by school and could they put it in writing for me to take to the apt, this didn't go down too well and she just said that she would rather wait until we meet, which has thrown me a bit as I have now spoken to class teachers (both of them) TA and the head oh and also the SEN TA at the school who will be withdrawing him from lessons to work on his IEP targets so still feel a bit puzzled about it, he came out with the class TA as happy as could be and when I asked if everything was ok she just said yes fine?!
I mentioned school's concerns to his speech therapist yesterday and she made me feel loads better when she burst out laughing and said for goodness sake he is only 4 and only just settling in give him a chance! The voice of reason I hope, she said she will speak to school if I like and give her 'findings' of working with him on a 1-1. I shall not settle until I have met with the head/teachers now, but after speaking to DH we have decided that as he isn't behaving badly at home and that he doesn't understand what he has done wrong at school we shan't punish him at home unless it is something serious such as violence, but not sitting on a carpet is not worth making his home life miserable as well as his school life. Also I must add that we were told to abort him at 20wks pregnant and after many months of worry he was delivered prematurely at 34 wks weighing 3lb 8oz and is our miracle baby so I am a bit softer on him rightly or wrongly
Stiltwalker - with regards to your daughter's hair I have heard that the tangle teezer is supposed to be good, she could choose the colour herself maybe have one for xmas? I hope she settles ok for you once she has got into a routine we seem to have the opposite problem at the moment don't we
Right I really should go and round up the troops for school, have a good day everyone x

PRINCESSX87

Carlysmum.

Like you said, Unless its something serious. DO NOT PUNISH him at home too. He would have been told off / punished in school and to follow the behaviour home for something minor like not sitting on the carpet is OTT and will confuse him in the long run.

Some schools will make everything a bigger drama than others. I think you have nothing to worry about, Maybe a few more weeks in a routine and your son will be fine. If he is currently suffering with speech issues, It might also be his behaviour in school could be down to frustration is he cant use his words to communicate like the other children. It will also resolve in the end, Just keep your chin up lovely!!

So today’s the day where I start my home exercise programme. As I suffer with a weak back I’m worried that one false move will result in me being left with limited movement. It was suggested I go to the Gym, But the idea of me having to go out gave me panic attacks.

Ideally I need to loose at least two stone to get back to my ideal weight. Which is the bonus, however my real reason for starting is because I’ve been researching depression & all its cousins that come with it. Many professional’s believe that having daily exercise can also reduce depression & many people have been able to come off their medications.


Hugs to all
xxxPxxx

lynsayjane

Morning all,
Another cold day here, was a bit foggy too but looks like it's lifting.

Feeling a bit groggy this morning, had a busy night doing bits and pieces and packing boxes so ended up a little later last night to bed. Woke up this morning at 7.30 (usually leave for work then!) and realised either alarm didn't go off or I switched it off when asleep haha oops!

Hugs to all
LJ
x

alfsmum

PRINCESSX87 wrote: »

Carlysmum.

Like you said, Unless its something serious. DO NOT PUNISH him at home too. He would have been told off / punished in school and to follow the behaviour home for something minor like not sitting on the carpet is OTT and will confuse him in the long run.

Some schools will make everything a bigger drama than others. I think you have nothing to worry about, Maybe a few more weeks in a routine and your son will be fine. If he is currently suffering with speech issues, It might also be his behaviour in school could be down to frustration is he cant use his words to communicate like the other children. It will also resolve in the end, Just keep your chin up lovely!!

So today’s the day where I start my home exercise programme. As I suffer with a weak back I’m worried that one false move will result in me being left with limited movement. It was suggested I go to the Gym, But the idea of me having to go out gave me panic attacks.

Ideally I need to loose at least two stone to get back to my ideal weight. Which is the bonus, however my real reason for starting is because I’ve been researching depression & all its cousins that come with it. Many professional’s believe that having daily exercise can also reduce depression & many people have been able to come off their medications.


Hugs to all
xxxPxxx

Morning Princess,

Enjoy the exercise but TAKE IT STEADY at first and build up. You don't want to overdo and and make yourself worse or put yourself off trying again. Could you fit in a walk every day if you don't already do that? The combination of the fresh air and exercise is highly recommended for depression and you can go gently at first then work up to a brisker pace (probably have to speed up to warm up as the weather gets colder!). Another benefit is that it doesn't cost anything except shoe leather and you can fit it in whenever you can.

Sun trying to break through here, but generally dull and wet forecast. Suddenly drying the washing has become a trial

Free dessert for all of us again yesterday evening as Dd brought home fruit tarts and scones left at work. We'll miss them when Uni starts next week. Hopefully something apple and blackberry related will keep us going for a few days as there are plenty of both about, though the rain makes picking them a messy job.

Watched bits from two interesting tv progs yesterday evening. One about rip off food, what we are all noticing about prices staying the same or increasing while the contents of packets are decreasing. Great excuses some of the manufacturers were coming up with. A jar of jam had gone from 454g to 400g with no price change. Apparently consumers said the old jar was 'too big' :rotfl:

Also Harvest on Bbc2 I think, fascinating insight into large scale veg growing and harvesting in Lincolnshire. I didn't realise that vast areas of carrots were 'put to bed' by being covered in black plastic and layers of straw, then harvested in the midst of winter to provide fresh carrots. All relies on massive machinery of course.

Hope some of you have the yellow ball where you are? Have a good day.

ginnyknit

Stilty, glad you were not offended by my idea, its oh so complicated and new to me with DGS's problems. He is getting used to his new childminder but this morning wanted to go to his old one and was asking for her but his Mummy dealt with it as usual. He actually knocked on the door and walked in fine this morning with no tears bless him.

Had an 8am appointment with OH at a clinic in one of those set-ups made of lorries in a car park. They are like a Tardis and I sat very bemused by it all. Saw a wonderful nurse with a great sense of humour and another problem was dealt with quickly. Was tempted to go out for breakfast afterwards but common sense prevailed, that money would buy several meals.

He is off to visit a friend for lunch and has been warned to come back with a pot of chopped herring or his life won't be worth living :rotfl: sadly I cant have bagels as Im on low carb but will survive that. 2 stone lost and 2 more to go !!! Time to dig all those clothes out of the back of the wardrobe but really need to buy new knickers but they will hopefully only be 'transition knickers' before I lose the rest of the weight.

fuddle

I've done it toughies. I've bought a ball of Rowan 75% wool 25% alpaca. :eek: It's all Mar's fault though you hear I stood for 30 minutes in the hobbilycrafty store comparing, feeling and tooing and frooing over the acrylic stuff which is much cheaper but in the end I decided that I deserved a winter hobby and that I've used acrylic for all my playing that I deserved some nice stuff for my blanket. It's going to take a very long time, possibly even longer than 12 months to complete this but when I do it will be a blanket that will last a lifetime if I look after it properly. My next challenge is to try to source the wool cheaper online. I am sure hobbilycrafty prices are extortionate although I'm a realist and understand I will have to pay for decent stuff. I'm excited I am trying to get my jobs done so I can start it.

My eldest was teaching my youngest to crochet last night. It filled me with joy honestly. I just wish I could knit better to show them how to do that. If they can knit the world is their creative oyster!

Making mince and dumplings for tea. We haven't had it for ages and actually really looking forward to it

Hard_Up_Hester

Ginny, I know what you mean about knickers, having lost 4 stone, another one to go. I'm knickerless today, not in the hope of extra attention from hubby, but because I only have 3 pair I can wear that don't fall off when I walk! I need to buy more, but cannot face a trip to the shops yet. I've bought 3 dresses for £34 for all 3 and 2 pairs of shoes, £20 a pair, I have very wide feet, but I bought all the above online, so haven't had to venture out yet.
Hester

Possession

Re. girls' hair - I've had dreadful dramas re. tangled hair in the morning (and we have 3 tangle teasers but a decent brush is still better), my mum gave DD the brilliant idea that her hair should be loosely plaited to the side at night. It has made such a difference and probably shaved 10 minutes off our morning drama.