The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

lobbyludd

monnagran wrote: »

Tomorrow my DS and DIL2B are both taking my DG back to the mainland after having had him for the holidays. He has come on in leaps and bounds since he has been over here, but then he always does. They are going to have a chat with his Mum and sounding out the possibility of having him come to live with them. I can't think that that it will make a lot of difference to her. She works full time and DGS goes to his other grandparents after school, who just park him in front of the TV. So basically she puts him to bed and gets him up in the morning. However, I know she will resent not having the child maintence or the child benefit. I can't think why because she and her husband both work full time and they are both on good incomes, and they have no other children. I am keeping my fingers crossed because it would be marvellous for him.

obviously you know your situation best, and I'm only a lurker here, so this isn't mean't as a flame or dig, just a description of my perspective on a situation. my ex-in laws think I am a terrible parent, a sociopath and entirely motivated by money. I work full time because needs must and my children are in school/childcare for 10 hours a day. From the outside (and especially to their paternal grandparents) it looks like I do nothing with my children, but I do everything. I comfort them when they wake with nightmares, I sooth their worries about school, I physically, financially, educationally and emotionally support them. They don't do "activities" because we've tried, and they dislike them - primarily I suspect because they are away from home so much during the week, and our life with their alcoholic father was so chaotic and home now is so peaceful. It is during these "doing nothing times" that I get to know them, and can support them best and are incredibly precious to me.

to my ex-in laws I can do nothing right, the maintenance I get from my ex, doesn't scratch the surface of the children's needs - I would be financially better off if he had them any more time at all and I was paying him, but he is an alcoholic and not safe to have them more than a few hours at a time, but in their eyes I have the majority of care of the children purely for financial reasons. The kids only have a relationship with their paternal grandparents because I make it happen (their son is apparently not talking to them). Yet when I do support this I am accused of only wanting to get rid of them for selfish reasons.

when the kids come back from their grandparents I am given a list of the things they can now do that they couldn't before - without exception they have been able to do much more than these things before they went (swimming/reading/table manners/whatever) but I know when they first go they are incredibly subdued and nervous and when they come home complain that they are treated like babies who can't do anything. I say nothing to their grandparents, because I want to support their relationship and I know for them part of that bond is to feel they are contributing to their grandchildren's lives, similarly I say nothing to their father when he does the same, but I talk to the children about the love their family has for them and that these things are because they don't know them very well and will get better in time. That and when I was married to their son and gently tried to advocate for the children it made things worse.

I know they love their grandchildren, but no matter what I am cast as a worthless damaging parent (and I can fully understand why I am cast in this role).

now clearly - this is not the same situation as yours, you were not talking about me, and I am not critisising you. I hope this comes across properly

There does however seem to be a pervasive attitude that when separated mothers want to see their children it is for financial reasons, but when separated fathers do it's for love. I doubt any parent would find it makes no difference to them to have those precious moments that they are able to see their children taken away, father or mother. I hope that they are able to come to an amicable agreement that works well for your dgs.

fuddle

'tis autumn and autumnal out there today. I too like this time. I feel like I clean and organise more than in Spring!

You know what that means dontcha? Yet another play with the menu plan I'm going down the smaller portions route this time to see if I can make the meat stuffs go further but that means a pudding or starter nightly.

For starters I have:

pate and toast
soups
cheese and crackers

Puddings:
crumble custard
steam jam/lemon curd/treacle pudding and custard
rice pudding and tinned fruit.

I'm needing to up my repertoire and even make things that will freeze and be ready straight away with nothing more than a heating of custard.

Any ideas?

mardatha

I need some advice please Toughies.
First - bread making. I have a Panny and a Cookworks breadmakers and neither of them turn out nice bread, they make lopsided bricks. We tried making it by hand and it was a symmetrical brick. Is there a foolproof amazingly good breadmaker on the market, does anybody know?
Next, sponge pudding. Is it easy to make without a faff? Because if it's complicated at all I won't do it. But the tins are getting really dear now and I love sponge pud. (Only the two of us so one tin lasts 2 days). Is there a way round my sponge pud problem? :D

boultdj

fuddle wrote: »

'tis autumn and autumnal out there today. I too like this time. I feel like I clean and organise more than in Spring!

You know what that means dontcha? Yet another play with the menu plan I'm going down the smaller portions route this time to see if I can make the meat stuffs go further but that means a pudding or starter nightly.

For starters I have:

pate and toast
soups
cheese and crackers
Yorkshire pud and gravy
half a grapefruit
bread and butter[same as they do when you go out for a meal]
Puddings:
crumble custard
steam jam/lemon curd/treacle pudding and custard
rice pudding and tinned fruit.
fruit scone
cheese scone
slice of fruit cake
cup of tea/coffee [same as a resturant]
I'm needing to up my repertoire and even make things that will freeze and be ready straight away with nothing more than a heating of custard.

Any ideas?

Just a couple of idea's.hth.

Mrs_Chip

Mar

Are you talking to me again yet?:D

If you can't make read in the panny, I doubt any other will be any better. We have had three, all turned out lovely bread. Mr Next Door has had at least 2 and ditto.

We found it is important, at the start at least, to follow the instructions precisely, down to the last ml of water. Once you can make a good loaf you can start making adjustments.

If you can never make bread and it is always a brick, it might be your yeast, or for hand made, not enough proving time or too little water.

As for sponge puds, the making is easy (all-in-one sponge recipe), but then needs to be steamed (as you don't have a microwave, in there they take a few minutes) for quite a while. Not difficult, just not quick.

r just make a sponge cake (try the lemon curd cake, I doubt you will find easier and have it warm! If you don't like lemon I think you can use marmalade or jam.:D

Forgiven now?:A:D

mardatha

LOL MrsC - anybody who has a chip van is my very bestest friend forever The BM made nice bread at first but went downhill. I have tried everything, believe me. The RV gave it one try - he watched that Hollywood guy on youtube, will get him to try it again.
And I got a microwave whoohooo

Mrs_Chip

mardatha wrote: »

LOL MrsC - anybody who has a chip van is my very bestest friend forever The BM made nice bread at first but went downhill. I have tried everything, believe me. The RV gave it one try - he watched that Hollywood guy on youtube, will get him to try it again.
And I got a microwave whoohooo

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/5598/fastestever-lemon-pudding

ginnyknit

Mar, I just make the dough in the BM and cook in the oven, I think the element in mine isnt hot enough. I tend to make up a couple of loads of dough and cook all at once.

Fuddle, I find steaming too much faff so just make batches of cake all at once and bake together then freeze in batches. Even just bake lots of plain cake and pour warmed syrup over before serving to get that just cooked pud feel.

Just picked up excess veggies from DD's (she is in France at Fil's) plus what I have in fridge so big cook off in the order of the day.

DGS is apparently living on Grandad Frances tractor - they have that idylic French country life, you know .grow your own, shop in the village and never have any money. They have done other things, swimming, sightseeing and eating out but tractor wins everytime, Nanna takes him for a drive round on it every so often but the boy is as happy as Larry. Ds says we cannot have a full size tractor on the drive just for little man when he comes home :rotfl:

kezlou

hahahhaa what are you to like!!!

as if mar would stop chatting to ya! You have a chip van! heaven!!!


Hmm quick deserts, em em jelly and trifle, crumbles, sponge cake.
bread and butter pudding.

Meals well we normally have main and desert. Very rarely do starters as i find the kids won't eat they main meal. But thats just my kids being weird


I'm supposed to be going out for a carvery today but to be honest i really can't be bothered. I'm going to have text my friend and she if they still wants to go.

just been outside bah it cold! ds2 is refusing to take his fleecy pj top off as it warm. Tabby cat is whining at me again for the fire, she can swan off. even the kids have started whining its cold.

Dreading tomorrow half six start for ds1 for school bleurghhh

FairyPrincessk

Hi All,

The gig last night was terrific, if a bit long. It went on so late we missed the last train and didn't get to bed until after midnight! I'm a bit of a Cinderella so I'm about as useful as a pumpkin today. Managed to forget several things in the shop even WITH a list. Nevermind, I can work around it or get OH to pick things up. This afternoon is courgette lasagne, grated courgettes for the freezer and possibly a courgette bread if I'm still swimming in the things.:D

Fuddle, when I live with an exchange family in Belgium, my host mum would make big batches of soup once or twice a month and freeze it. She would then defrost it and bring everyone in the family a bowl or mug wherever they were about 30 minutes before dinner. She had those bowls with the little lion handles on the side so there was never a spoon, you just drank it. It was always full of veg, although the content varied. There was only one sort I don't think we liked, otherwise you just drank it up as usual. She was a dietician and the rule was always you could leave other things at dinner, but you must always finish your soup. I imagine it would help fill bellies. Plus, if you made it with a milk base, might help your girl with the small appetite.

It is chilly and grey today..hoping the washing will dry. Well I need to have a bit of a tidy and then it is off to the never ending ironing pile. Fortunately, I've got some nice drama's lined up on the catch up so I can set up my laptop in front of the board. Should make it go faster:)