The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

VJsmum

Morning.

I think I have jet lag been awake since 5.30 :eek:

First load of washing nearly done, and that with last nights load can go out soon. Then I have to take DD to work and do the shopping. Am lacking some inspiration for meals and so have been looking at "a girl called jack" for inspiration. Anyone tried the salmon fish paste pasta? I have some yS smoked salmon so may combine it in somehow.

I am thinking of trying the "French women don't get fat" eating plan, although French women do get fat. I have put on about 2 lb in the fortnight I've been away which, given the amount of bread I've eaten and wine I've drunk, is not bad. So maybe a little of what you fancy does you good isn't a bad way forward.

OH is back tonight. He stayed in Paris to go to a load of Organ recitals and services today ( he has a thing for church organs - strange boy), we were happy to leave him to it. I want to get the house clean and tidy before he comes home, but as I don't pick him up till midnight, I should be able to manage it.

I have runner beans in the garden, potatoes ready to dig and tomatoes growing :T, radishes and lettuce and the odd strawberry still.

Best get cracking as I am still in my towel :eek:

fuddle

Pinkdebster Lucy at Attic24 blog has a tutorial on how to join grannies as you go. I'm yet to do this one but have my eye on it when it's time to join. Sorry cant link as on my phone.

kezlou

fuddle i love the sound of your table and don't forget bring a pic of it on thursday!

Ignore your family, its all about what YOU want not them.
When we didn't have a table it felt awful, so when we got ours i was over the moon.
Its not the point of a table, it the symbolism of having the family round in one area where you can sit, laugh and chat.

One year i had a large cardboard with a net curtain over it, i was so determined to have that family time together.Sad as it sounds its what we all wanted.

Molly - aw hun you must be worried about the hospital ((hugs))

lynn sounds fantastic ds1 still has a tiger that i bought for him when i found out i was pregnant, tigger. DS2 has raffe, a giant giraffe that he sleeps with every night. On thursday ds9 had his raffe and his friend had a pink teddy bear both snuggled watching a film.

the cake - we had that with my neighbour / friend, i had a list of what i had to do. For four weeks i pampered they cat, cleaned trays, paid bills everything. I went away for four days came back to piles of cat poo, litter trays full to the top. Instead of cleaning them out, they just dumped clean cat litter on top of dirty stuff.
empty tins everywhere. I didn't say anything about it,i just let it go. took me ages to clean the house out. But when they asked me to look after they cat for another 4 weeks i said sorry i can't i'm going away.

ginnyknit

Pinkdebster Fuddle is right Attic24 is an excellent blog for crochet. I have been crocheting since I was 8 but have followed a lot of her patterns and my crochet has improved in leaps and bounds.

MrsLW Docky bus trip amazed me, how clever is that boy?

Had a sad weekend here, my 16 year old !!!!! cat was attacked by a pit bull on Friday night at 7.30 - it escaped from its bike riding owner, jumped the fence and grabbed the sleepy old boy, the owner hit the dog till it dropped him. He died in my arms half an hour later on the way to the vets. Hubby was inconsolable as he sleeps with him and comforts him on bad days. Luckily Ds saw it happen otherwise we would have been none the wiser as it happened in a flash and the man and dog disappeared like lightening. DD's partner had our car and rushed over to take us to the vets while Ds looked after OH. The boys and I buried him next to one of my little apple tree's. It was surreal as it all happened so quickly and as I had DGS yesterday it didnt really hit me but now all is quiet and I feel sick. I was also very angry that the vet wanted £130 for us to enter the surgery and £55 to put him out of his misery - is it just me or are vets preying on peoples grief, I know they are good people and I would have paid it but blooming heck all that for 10 minutes work :mad:

Hugs to all in need, hope you have better days ahead xx

bunbun2

We are off on holiday tomorrow. we have to leave earlyish so need to be fully packed this evening. so I'd better get started... will have my PC with me so will read but won't be able to post as much

have a good day everyone!

[Deleted User]

FUDDLE when you get to Dorset and have your nice apartment and your new life I have an ercol table and chairs set, not bought new but in good condition, we've used it as a dining room table for some 25 years but it's still in OK condition. It's much too big for the two of us now and I'm going to replace it with a smaller drop/draw leaf table so when you're settled it's yours if you want it. I'm sure it will fit in OHs van, so when you're in you can come for lunch with us an collect it if it's any use to you, Love Lyn xxx.

GINNY I'm so very sad for you, that is too horrific to be able to visualise, poor poor cat.I really think it's time that Bull type dogs were taken off of our streets, I say this having known some fantastic Staffies and having the in laws have English Bull Terriers all of whom were gentle giants and trustworthy with everything. The trouble these days is that when the dog becomes a status symbol and a sign of being macho the relationship with its owner is not that of a pet. Therefore the discipline and training needed to keep these big and powerful breeds safe is completely missing making them a real danger to all things. I grieve with you and your family and hope that your DS isn't too upset at having witnessed the whole thing. I agree that vets are pricing themselves our of most folks reach and in the long run that means that pets will suffer as if the choice is eat and pay the bills or pay the vet extortionate amounts the former must take precedence, Hugs to all of you Love Lyn xxx.

kezlou

You know what i had an awful day yesterday, just so wish i had just went to the park on my own.

Went to town and bought school blazer and a pair of trainers for ds2 and ds2. so spent nearly £80 :eek::eek: and thats not even all of it, still have to go back and buy shirts, trousers and shoes

After that went to my friends (L) house, we decided not to go to the park and it was freezing, autumn is here brrrr

While we there another friend turned up, (D)now for a few months shes been really funny with me. I have no idea why, i've asked, my other friend has asked and still none the wiser. At one point i thought i was being extremely paranoid and blamed myself for everything as i supposed i had done something wrong to her. Its part of my anxiety i automatically assume that i've done something wrong.

Well we were all getting along fine, we did an indoor picnic, i was helping L with the food, things like filling up plates and bowls with extra crisps. Getting drinks, while D was with the kids making sure they were all right.
Then i heard a shout from ds1 saying "kez, please can i have a drink". I said "yes sure, be one minute". Then suddenly D starts shouting at my kids saying that's wrong, its not right. You call her mam and having a go at him and ds2. I walked back into the dining to see what was happening and they she is physically leaning over him shouting into ds2's face and shouting at him. He almost falling off the chair and i said D leave him alone. What are you doing, if he want to call me "kez or mam, its up to them".

She started screaming at me, at this point, i said right were going home, kids get your shoes on. D comes running at me as were walking away and L comes in between us. Luckily she did as she started screaming at me saying you've been wanting to fall out with me ages and raises her fist. Luckily L comes to me my aid and stops D and says you need to calm down, kez has done nothing wrong. Just leave the room, go see the budgies. I still haven't raised my fists, L said to me there is no way i would have let her hit you, as L thought she was going to attack me. I just thought her fists were in frustration not actual attack mode.

By this stage i am completely in tears and having a full blown panic attack. I couldn't breathe, i was scared angry, humiliated. Luckily L understood what was happening and came and sat down with me, she told me to go and to just and calm for a bit. So i did, took me over an hour to calm. All seven children came over to me and demanded hugs and saying please don't go, we want you to stay. The little fella, D's son demanded to sit my knee for a cuddle and wouldn't let me go.

In the end i calmed down and sat with L, D was in the other side of the table. D kept saying to me why aren't you drinking, i said oh i am. I wasn't, it was non alcoholic ginger beer, before that i was drinking juice and coffee. I just was so uncomfortable i lied, to stop any more arguments.When we were on our man, all of 1 minute, D asked me why i was so emotional. So i told her straight she should ashamed of herself, she knows all about my panic attacks etc I was so angry and i didn't shout i spoke quietly saying saying she scared all the children, called her paranoid and you need to sort yourself out. She started again and said no, I'm not doing this in front of any children. you want to do this we'll talk about it another time.

The worst thing is i scared the children, they saw me breakdown and its something i never do. Even worse is that it was in L's house. All 7 of the children have certain needs, 3 of them are 13yrs, 3 are 9yrs and one 5yr old. Five of them have high functioning autism, all five are anxious and at least three have adhd. The five asd one don't do touching at all and 3 can't cope with shouting, loud noises etc. So for me to act the way i did, crying is abhorrent to me.

While i was crying, whenever the children came near me i told them jokes so they were laughing. All seven of them wouldn't leave me alone and insisted on following me everywhere, the poor things. even when i came out of the toilet and they were all they waiting for me. L's daughter never does touching and when i came out of the toilet dragged into her room and demanded the biggest hug off me imaginable, poor thing was in tears. She demanded me to stay and i wasn't allowed to go home, her and ds1 are good friends. when i told her mum she was shocked about the hug and said to me i'm the only person she hugs other than her parents. she obviously trusts you.

L phoned me after i came home to make we were all right, she then validated a few points with me and said you didn't do anything wrong, as outsiders we've seen what D is like now with you. she kept saying that i didn't shout, when i said i did, she went your level was like a mouse compared to when we shout. even my OH didn't hear you and the door was open. The kids were shocked because your voice was louder than it normally is, because your quietly spoken.
She even said do you realise the kids never went to D after it all happened. They refused to look at her and demanded to just be near you, not even her own kids would speak to her. Its shows that the the 7 children trust you and that you are a rock to them. None of them asked if she was ok, instead her 5 year old demanded to sit on your knee. Children with asd don't do that, especially my 13 yr old.

So i'm stuck again now, my confidence has been shaken even more, i spent last night crying. My whole body is in agony, OH is quietly fuming. He knows i would have gone over the edge, so he just sat and listened.

Were having an in day up to now, both lads and myself are in shock from yesterday. Both of them scared and have asked for just a quiet day. I told them the plans for next week and said do you want to cancel them. Both of them said no, we still want to go to the beach, but the deal is we don't see D. Now they just want us to stay with LA they friends on the beach as they think they nice people. LA phoned me about the trip and told her what happened at L's. She was furious and told her the boys want to go but i'm unsure. LA said nothing will happen i will make sure of that. She was angry because she even said your not an aggressive person, your to kind hearted and said the kids obviously felt safe with you and thats all 7 demanded your attention. They wanted to make you feel safe like you do to them.

So i'm all over the place the today. Sorry for the essay i just didn't know what to do.
I am just so glad i come on here and have people who let me vent and rant

FairyPrincessk

Hi All,

Bit of a trying morning. OH has decided he is uncomfortable with the meat we eat. I respect that, but after two weeks of saying that he hasn't told me what he would like to do instead. I'm trying to make the menu and trying to work in a few things to stock the freezer that don't blow our budget this summer, but I'm a little stuck for ideas. I've found some ethical butchers that we might be able to use when we have an income, but I don't really know how to go about verifying what their standards are. I'm also really struggling to come up with ideas for veggie freezer meals that aren't full of refined carbohydrates or..soup. Which we eat a couple of times a week anyway. I'm also a bit frustrated as this was my reasoning behind us eating less meat a couple of years ago. We can't necessarily afford to eat high quality, but I thought eating less would make an impact. I had to argue the case with OH who never quite got it and now feel a bit as if he's turned around, made up his mind that he agrees and now wants to say I'm not doing a good enough job. I'm the main menu maker/food budgeter and while he does cook, the he doesn't do the planning for it. I've explained to him this morning that he needs to tell me exactly what his guidelines are, otherwise I can't find ways to work with them. Anyway, just needed a bit of a rant.

Finished that to come upstairs and find the cat has used the bathtub as a litter box. This is after she was sick several times in the night. She was a bit like this last time, not sure what is bothering her and don't know how to help her either.

Hugs to Molly, Ginny, thecake and anyone else who needs them.x

FairyPrincessk

Oh, Kez, what a difficult day! I hope you can avoid her in future. Please don't let it knock your confidence! I think she was very badly behaved, it sounds as if she is looking for a reason to fall out with you. I would have expected better behaviour from a child than the way she acted. Big hugs.

taurusgb

Kezlou so very sorry to hear about your day. Please don't let such an awful person rock your confidence. It is evident to everyone on here how kind, caring and selfless you are. And you know what? You just helped me! While I was reading your post I was struck by what you said about feeling you were to blame (which you certainly were not!) was part of your anxiety issues you clarified a few things for me about how I react to certain things. So thank you. Thank you very much for being brave enough to share with others. :grouphug:

Mrs Lurcherwalker your kindness and common sense makes me believe that this world cant be half as bad as I think it is sometimes.

Molly41 so sorry to hear about your health, I haver personal experience of waiting for a scarey operation so my heart goes out to you. Good luck.

Fuddle I have the "We'll Eat Again" cookbook so I tried the carrot cookies. They were lovely but I'm not sure they were as they should be as the recipes says drop spoonfuls into tins, but mine ended up as a lump of dough I rolled them into balls,flattened with a fork, then baked them and as I say they were lovely, but I wondered how yours were?

Apologies for any mis spelling or other idiocies....am using touchscreen which I am useless with but just about to go out with DH so no time to proof read