The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

the_cake

Aarghghghghg! Please can I have a rant? Feeling really angry and confused .....
I live in a very rural, tiny hamlet, and we tend to look after each other's animals and gardens when on holiday. A couple of weeks ago OH and I looked after our neighbours' (I thought they were friends, too - we quite often have supper together, and have done for about three years) garden (large, with lots of precious plants in pots, plus a greenhouse and polytunnel), two cats, two ponies and three separate lots of chickens/bantams. We took great care, went up to their place four times a day (opening chickens, feeding ponies, watering garden, shutting chickens at dusk etc. etc.), and the agreement was that they would in turn take care of our two horses, two cats and garden (far less precious, just about ten pots ...). We went away, confident that our lot would enjoy the same level of care that we gave theirs (we did the same last year, and it was absolutely fine). Came back late on Tuesday evening. Stables were filthy and stinking, headcollars and lead ropes in a tangled mess on the ground, water buckets green and slimy. Our house was even worse ... the smell hit us as soon as we opened the door! Upstairs, there were TEN piles of cat poo, in varying stages of 'maturity', on carpets and rugs. Our cats never do this, or at least only when they are either very traumatised, or their litter trays are too dirty for them to use. It was not a happy homecoming! I felt so angry, confused, betrayed. I did not ring her then, but waited until the next day, and then just said calmly and nicely what had happened. I think I expected some sort of excuse, or apology, but instead she claimed not to have noticed when she had gone upstairs to see if the cats were in (!!!??), and then became very defensive, so I backed off and bit my lip, did not even mention the state of the stables. It is all the more inexplicable as my OH and her OH have just set up a company together! And her house is always extremely clean and tidy, she is meticulous about it. I really can't think what went so horribly wrong that she treated our place with such disrespect. I am STILL cleaning upstairs, spraying and washing and trying to get rid of the smell.....

Popperwell

Pinkdebster wrote: »

As a long-time resident of Dorset, I can definitely recommend a visit out-of-season too. Especially if you want to visit some of the lovely coast we have around here. For me, nothing beats a visit to the coast in the middle of winter on a cold, clear crisp day

Sorry to repeat myself but I would guess I have spent between 52-75 weeks of my life in the Bournemouth and surrounding area. And remember even spending some time in December on a break.

EstherH

THE CAKE: How awful for you to have to come home to that. Maybe your OH could have a word with her OH? Don't know how you would both feel about that. Esther x

Popperwell

What a difficult situation to be in...say too much/too little its likely to cause problems...a no win situation. Also do they genuinely not realise the situation was so bad or don't they care.

fuddle

Thanks for the feedback about the kidney beans. Tinned it is. It's one of those instinct things i.e. OS and scratch - batch buy must be the way to go but I did have my doubts as I was able to just open a really cheap tin and add it straight to the SC.

I heard a young girl say the other day "I'm not materialistic I just love material things" It sounded like me back then. A quiet soul whose appearance and 'tokens' of my success were what gave me confidence. The truth being that I look/my appearance is exactly the same today as it would have been at 33 without this learning curve I just buy £2.99 make up as opposed to £20. I've grown up with worrying over the Jones', heard my own mam tell someone my sister lived in a posh village when she actually lives 2 miles away in a not too good area (Durham, there's great and bad within miles everywhere) so it's no surprise that a plastic table for Christmas is something to be upset and sad about - see I think it as being summat to sit on and decorate with a crochet runner, pine cones, holly sprigs and small candle Life it what you make it! It's like DH says "all they have is to judge. They have expectations and whoever falls short is to be criticised. You didn't grow up without confidence for a reason and I suspect that they both don't have confidence because they think others are judging them how they judge others." The daft man has a real point and had me thinking a lot last night. I think I should pity them (not in a looking down way, just a 'it's a shame' way) and be thankful for the bad stuff that has made me into a decent person away from that kind of life.

Esther - river that is lovely at the back, dual carriageways and industrial units out the front. We have a lot in anti social behaviour and crime here but at least I can sleep - poor GQ!

My enrolment form came today. All filled in 16 week distance learning course at 10 hours per week. I'm hoping I can finish it before we move. Even if we don't I will use it to try to get employment here.

[Deleted User]

CAKE do you have a mincer and enough room in the freezer? Seriously though it is very odd if they have looked after everything perfectly well before, is there a problem that you aren't aware of in her life that would cause her to not be as careful with your home and livestock this year? I would think there was a reason for it all that will make sense when you find out, it's really difficult when you live in a small community isn't it? Hope it doesn't too difficult to get the house clean and fresh again and really hope that the horses, chickens and cats have taken no harm from the neglect. Look after you, Cheers Lyn xxx.

fuddle

The Cake. That is awful. I'm so sorry you have been let down by your friend. I'm so sure something must have happened for her to treat your home and belongings in this way. I understand your confusion and anger. It isn't fair. Me? I think I would just let it go but never rely on her again and certainly not look after her land/livestock again. I can't fathom why someone would do this and without an excuse either. If it was laziness and she know what she wasn't doing I would think she would have an excuse already to go. I'm confused too.

You know what I think I would do? Just let it go. I know it's horrible but too much is at stake with the business to have bad feeling. I am so sorry you have to clean after the cats and even more sorry that they were so upset to do it in the house. Aw cake. What an awful situation

nuttyp

Fuddle your right, being materialistic isn't that nice. Most, if not all my furniture has been bought second hand, the only new item was the mattresses. My kitchen was salvaged from a skip, and a friend made it fit in out house. There was a hob and oven too along with a sink and taps. Honestly some people are strange, it was a house being renovated and I don't think it was that old. The only new bit I bought were door handles. They even gave us a cream leather sofa which I passed on to one of my friends.

I would love to financially able to just walk into any shop and say i'll have that n that..... But I honestly don't think I would be happy. Having to search for things and getting bargain is always better. My last 2 purchases have been my tv unit in solid pine for £11.38 and my table and chairs (cream leather) from a charity shop. They even delivered it. Someone was emigrating and gave away there whole house....

Im just waiting to go into work, not feeling 'in the mood' and a bit tired.

Free listings on the land of bay for today and tomorrow if anyone has bits to sell.

Take care peeps x

EstherH

FUDDLE: I think what you say about your mum and sister is right. As long as you are content that is what matters. I'm sure you will really enjoy your Christmas dinner. Had seen the pics of the ducklings (or was it goslings, can't remember) and it looked lovely. As you say, industrial estate etc., not so nice. Exciting planning a new life and even IF this doesn't work, and hopefully it will, it has shown you that a move away is possible.

Esther x

[Deleted User]

Hi MOLLY how are you today? Hope you're having a good day and lots of licks from Molly Dog!!! My boy is looking for me at home according to He Who Knows and keeps getting into my armchair for a nap, I've been away for two weeks now, the longest I've ever left him for I expect I'll get slobbered and licked to death when I get home on Tuesday. He has apparently started to want an evening walk with his Dad and always takes him up the forecourt of every pub he passes, I wonder how much of that is coming down the lead??? Take care of yourself, Cheers Lyn xxx.