The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

fuddle

I've spent the past year sitting back and not getting involved, watched, got frustrated and kept schtum. An awful lot has happened these past two weeks. My mam has lost pretty much everything and everyone. Her house and job hang in the balance and the realisation of courts and debt has hit hard.

My mam has been on one long vodka bender for pretty much a fortnight. To have gone through the weekend she has and able to have a deep and meaningful conversation, no slurring, no bit*ching or back biting towards me, at 4pm on a Monday afternoon, is incredible. Of course she will be drinking, it would be dangerous not to, but she is trying to keep it to the minimum. She's trying, she admitting, she's being proactive with her meds, vits and dietry intake, she's asking for help, she's realising she has no where to go other than loneliness, money worries and lose her home. I think the rock bottom has been hit. I'm not prepared to even think that it has to get to the stage where she's destitute before it dawns on her. If I am wrong, I am wrong.

I don't see the sense of standing back, watching someone fall and then not be there when they ask for help. Every bit of help I have given my mam has been on my terms, out of my worry and frustration. Today is the first day she asked for help. I can't not support in case this is it. If I am going to have the wool pulled over my eyes again, then so be it. At least I will have felt I have tried to help when she asked for it and that can only mean I won't feel guilt upon reflection. That can only mean a good thing for my own mental wellbeing.

[Deleted User]

Good girl!!!your eyes are open, your little heart is in the right place and your feet are definately on the ground. Just look out for yourself too, we're always here if you need to talk things through and to help IF you ever need it, Love Lyn xxx.

Nargleblast

Fuddle - I totally get where you are coming from. Because your mum seems different this time you feel you ought to give her one last chance, and it sounds like she could indeed have had her light bulb moment. You have the history and the blood tie, both of which are strong. I hope that this time you can help her turn things round, but please bear in mind Mrs LW's words about putting yourself and your OH and girls first. I am sure you will because you seem a very together and level-headed person. Will be keeping everything crossed for you.

the_cake

Very best of luck and love to both you and your mam, Fuddle

SpikyHedgehog

I'm thinking your sister found it harder to be the only one near than she thought or might admit, & I can understand why she's saying 'no more help' to your mam, but I can also understand why you are giving your mam the help she's asking for. I so hope she's had the light bulb moment & can now start to turn her life around - & hardly anyone can do that on their own!

But don't forget to look after yourself, the girls & OH. Stay safe & keep warm :-)!

fuddle

My mother has been the unravelling of me mentally and a lot to do with my past mistakes. I'm not stupid. I didn't get to where I am today because I'm different to them. Essentially I am pretty much like my mother and sister but I have had DH in my life for 12 years and then you all to guide me, help me out and support me. I am lucky. I now have a certain amount of strength but no one gets in the way of my own family of 4. I am not going up there until February and I won't be staying any longer than planned because we have a holiday to enjoy, visiting other family.

I sent her a message before with info about her anti d's. It got no reply. I told her off in that I would not be walked all over and that it's downright rude to not reply. She apologised saying she had fallen into a lot of bad habits and that she appreciates our phone call today. We will see but should it get difficult I will be pulling back, simply calling to see if she is ok. Sister is not willing to make welfare checks any more. It's that that essentially mde me make contact with her today. I cannot bare the thought of her being in dire straits alone. I didn't expect at all the conversation that we were able to have.

Believe me, she cannot hurt me any more and I am doing this as much as for myself as much as for her

Anyway. I am so shocked at how tasty roasted toms with thyme sprigs, bay leaves, salt pepper and garlic can turn into a lovely tasting tom sauce for pasta with only red wine vinegar added.

I also failed in melting the butter. I was stupid and put the whole dish in , got distracted for a split second and melted it a tad too much. I looked at ingredients of spreadable butter - the good ones having only oil added I think that will be the way forward but for now, while I'm chasing my tail a bit, I have ordered kerrygold spreadable. I would like to master adding my own oil to butter but will wait till my week off to experiment

Tomorrow I'm trying my hand at making a cranberry sauce to go with mash and sausages. Looking forward to that. Really enjoying learning a few new things at the moment but I think soon enough I will be calling upon the emergency pizza in favour of feet on the couch!

nursemaggie

I concur with all others have said Fuddle it's not going to be easy. We are all behind you and thinking of you all the time.

Did you get the ink out of your overall? I guess you will not be doing it again.

stiltwalker

Thanks for the well wishes - scan ok, nothing worrying showing up so back to GP.


If anyone saw Calendar news tonight Miss Stilty and I had starring roles supporting the Haworth Riding for the Disabled project. If not check out the ITV page and watch the clip - Hx

Softstuff

nuttyp wrote: »

Is anyone else finding the Christmas build up a bit too much. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all at the moment.

I'm not so much finding it overwhelming as finding my prep to be entirely non-existent this year :rotfl: With Christmas a month away I have no tree, no homemade mincemeat, no Christmas cake and no Christmas pudding. I haven't even managed to get any suet yet. My husband has 2 small gifts I bought on special as stocking fillers and that's that. No gifts for anyone else at all. And I'm still on a sofa recuperating! Oh well. Nutty, if the worst happens some things can be postponed a whole year .

Fuddle, keep repeating it like a mantra, that you'll put your own family before your mam, so that if she does decide to hit the self destruct button again you'll be out of the blast range.

kezlou

So pleased about the scan stilty x

Been few hectic days of constant meetings between school, health professionals. But its coming along, have dementia people visiting on Thursday morning at dads so we can have a catch up and arrange day centre visits after January and computer courses for him. Perfect excuse for him to leave the house.
Also he's agreed to considering getting a cleaner in :j:j hopefully my friend will be able to do it as she knows all about his dementia so fingers crossed all goes well.

Lil bro came to visit and see how I was, he's spooked because I'm now in secondary mental health care. Mornings changed it just means my medication can finally be reviewed sooner rather than later. I'm his big sis and his stable rock so he needed reassurance that I'm here and i am still the same. He might come here for Christmas night and spend time with kids.

Had a fantastic parents evening with ds1 I'm so proud of him, basically guaranteed a*s and a's for maths, higher maths, physics, chemistry, art and biology. B for English, graphics and computing. He's overcome so much and with the year we have had I am so proud of him. Just shows being dyslexic isn't the be all and end all.

Ds2 handled himself well with the crowds till it got really busy and noisy. In the end his head was in his hands in between his legs. Luckily my OH turned up and whisked us over just as a huge meltdown was happening. But he did really well

Bought GCSE revision books at the school, ds will pick chemistry and computing book tomorrow. They ran out this evening. Decided to pay early so we knew we had them.

Then Ds and oh went to a boiler event and had luck there. They literally have just got back.


Pooky awwwww kitties, lots of hugs from ds2 and kitty kisses for your dd.