The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

Pooky

Morning all

Sounds like so many of us are having friend issues. We lost a lot of "friends" after DH's accident - lots of people just drifted away. DH had 2 main friends (as in friends that weren't husbands/partners of my friends), one was driving the car that was involved in the accident, he contacted DH 3/4 times in the fortnight after the accident and then nothing, his wife will walk the other way if she sees me in town. The other "friend" was always one needing a favour and when he realised that DH was no long in the position to be the one to help, he moved on.

One of my two good friends put me in a position last week that made me so uncomfortable, she'd asked DD to do her a favour but DD wasn't able to do so due to work, I phoned and explained and got a stony silence. Then 3 days later she phoned to tell me how disappointed she was in my DD for not making the effort. I was seething. She has having lots of family issues and I've been there day and night to listen to it all and say the right things but if she thinks it's ok to treat me or DD like that then she's got another thing coming.

Anyway - enough of that.

PIC - Have a g00gle about solar activity and headaches - it's very common. All to do with the huge releases of radio/magnetic waves in a solar storm. I follow the n@sa space thingy on FB which tells you when there's activity so I know when to expect the heads.

PX - I use "my fltn ess p@l" for tracking my food/calorie/exercise intake - its an app and online.

DD2 is down to the last 3 exams, all maths! 2 this week, one next....can't wait for them to be over. I'd like my non stressy DD back.

nuttyp

Hi all, all this family talk and very distant friends is exactly the same as I have with OH family. They have had nothing to do with either me or my girls for over 10 years. Now all of a sudden as DD is in the process of buying her first home (on a special scheme half rent and half buy) they suddenly want to talk to us. I have kept out of the way, I got over them years ago. DD just wants to tell them nothing - not even where her house will be. Even OH parents are like this.


DD has her maths exam today, she needs to get a C grade to be able to go to uni. She went to look at Lincoln on Saturday, the course is not what she wants so we need to look elsewhere, looking at Suffolk now. Failing that we have a back up plan, 3 more years at collage for a half degree but we need to fund it.


Doing a car boot today, I have a whole week off this week. We are nearly finished doing mums garden - just the pond to finish clearing of overly grown iris.


Well must get dressed and load the car, take care all x

[Deleted User]

Morning Toughies, boy did I sleep last night!!! It's harder these days to keep up wilh the girls on days out especially in the heat, they are bundles of limitless energy both and days out involve much walking and I'm delighted that at 66 I CAN still keep up but I get very tired at the end of the day. All better today though and my 'Ping' has returned!

Friendships are never easy and no matter how well you think you know someone you never really do 'know' them. I've over the years had many occasions where I've dropped everything to take over the management of someone elses life and family due to events that have left them unable to do it themselves. I have found that no matter how friendly you are to begin with it usually ends up with them resenting the fact that you have a life of your own to lead and you end up being 'unkind and selfish' when you can't accommodate every whim. It's people I'm afraid. I've learned these days to not step into every breach, to not commit too deeply to other peoples needs and to put us as a family very much first in our lives. I've a couple of very nice friends but we don't live in each others pockets and we all know each other well enough to be able to say NO if it needs saying without offending one another and I guess that being older gives you knowledge that you can sometimes do absolutely nothing and still be in the wrong and the villan of the piece. Friends who put you in that position are better off being someone elses friends and leaving your life clear of clutter and angst!!!

Going to have a relatively easy day and cook chilli as we are off to play with my little Zebra again tomorrow, busy, busy, busy, Lyn xxx.

FairyPrincessk

Morning all,

Still no rain, and the sky looks fairly clear. OH was a bit miffed as he'd set his morning plans to run into work and shower there based on the expectation of rain.

Mar, I didn't see your question last night otherwise I would have been excited. Mardy is one of my favourite local words. I'm told it is a Northern word, particularly local to Sheffield, Manchester and up into the North East. A pop group made a song with the word in the title and I think its reach has extended a bit as a result. I first encountered it when a friend told me I was too mardy to be a 'real' American because apparently we're supposed to be very cheerful.

So many friendship stories--you're very wise again Lyn. I've drifted away from a number of friends over the years. Some of it is due to moving around a lot. Although I make an effort to keep in touch, I can't visit much and our interests do diverge. I've maintained a few friends, but more often than not we drift apart. Eventually I realized with a particular group of friends that not only did that rarely if ever initiate emails, but a few of them had just stopped responding altogether. Glad to see it isn't just me!

juliettet

I'm originally from NE Lincolnshire Mardatha. Mardy is the Scots 'grumpy'.

ginnyknit

What is it with people who dont grasp what its like looking after someone with disabilities. My Dd has very few visitors other than other auty Mums. She does go out with her old friends at night but they give her little support during the day. I lost 99% of my friends when I retired to look after OH but that was more because I didnt have time or money to pander to them.

Oh managed to throw himself out of bed at 6 am during one of his nightmares and now has a big bruise on his cheek and his hand is very sore but nothing broken apart from my sleep as usual. His psychologist is trying to get to the bottom of a recurring nightmare but today was about him being on a spinning top hat so dont think theres anything sinister there

Think we my be having a quiet day...again....

savingqueen

Hello everyone,


GOOD LUCK to the students sitting exams!

glad you had a fab day out Mrs LW - well deserved. Enjoy seeing your darling little grandson today. I also slept well last night, DS7 walked the legs off me. At point, it was "come on mum lets run".... I don't think so, sorry son!

Nutty - you are a good lass and a hard worker.

Ouch Mr ginnyknit! Thank goodness no big damage done.

Although our lives are not so affected by disability, I think I still know how some of how you feel( to a degree of course). For example, a small thing but some mums just don't get when I say mine wouldn't go to parties without me or other activities. DS10 is far more self confident now but still gets anxious and I am hoping DS7 will continue to grow in confidence. People say to me "just phone...." and don't get that for some folk speaking on the phone (or in general) isn't easy or possible for everyone. One friend suggested I work in a call centre.... I burst out laughing at that one. I have several friends who report similar with their children and I have seen first hand the experiences of one friend whose child has multiple extra needs.

Having said all that I have met plenty of people who have the right attitude and I hope that as time goes on society will become more and more clued up about the many differences in each and every one of us, not just disability but the whole myriad of things that make us special and human. We all play our own part in challenging discrimination and ignorance in all the forms it takes and together we are helping to change attitudes for the better. Personally I have had many conversations educating people about stammering. Yes it may sound funny but no its not acceptable to giggle or snigger even if you feel uncomfortable - basic manners alone would tell you that. Sadly nowadays not everyone has them.

Talking of manners, DS and I were sitting on a picnic table at the park yesterday which was heaving. A couple of mums and very young kids asked if anyone was sitting opposite us. I politely said no, you are welcome to sit with us. No thank you or reply, they sat down and immediately the f-ing this that and the other began. I don't know if they did it on purpose so we would move or they talk like that all the time, I expect both apply. Why do people feel it is acceptable to swear profusely in a children's play area?

I have lots to do outdoors and in and sitting on here. In my defence, I was up late doing stuff and early this morning. I have washing out and the forecast says rain later.. every time I look the forecast gives our washing a bit more time so I am staying in a bit longer! The window cleaner came today and I was wearing my change-in-to-cool-and-comfy-but-too-skimpy-to-wear-outdoors-dress eeeek!

sq

monnagran

Hi all,
Re: friends. I have lived a long time and while I've not actually fallen out with friends I have found that over the years several have fallen by the wayside. It's perfectly natural because over time interests and lifestyles change and the things you once had in common no longer exist. What I find sad is the notion that if you have drifted apart it has to be someone's fault. It is simply 'one of those things'. To instigate a quarrel means that if your paths should cross again there is no going back. To simply let things pass means that an unexpected meeting can be cordial and humourous and you can enjoy the sort of "do you remember when....?" conversation. If people have an issue with you and you know that it is unfounded, of course you should try to put things right. But if the other person wants to carry it on you are not obliged to join them. Just let it go.

End of sermonette.

Packing. SCREAM........................!

DS is coming tonight to take a surplus bed, certain tools and bits of garden furniture.

Said DS has volunteered, (BEEN volunteered, according to him) to be the muggins who jumps off the pier in the Shanklin 'Bird Man' competition, for the local Playgroup. The Playgroup are making his costume which, rumour has it, is a goose at the bottom and a fairy at the top. DS is very tight-lipped about it, but be assured that I will be there with camera.

x

Pooky

I'd love to see those pictures Monna!

I found a way to keep DH amused!!!! I got the pressure washer out on the drive to give the parrots cage a real blasting and the drive way bricks were orginally red (who knew!) instead of mucky brown, DH insisted he'd like a go so I fished an old stool out of the depths of the garage and he sat there quite happily squirting bricks. Half the drive is done (rain stopped play) and it looks like new....or it will do later in the week when it's dry and I can get some sand to redo the joints. Hurrah.....maybe I should hire him and his stool out?

nuttyp

Hi all, pooky its sound like your OH had fun. We have gravel so not likely to happen here. Well im back from the car boot, I was selling everything for 50p ha, who knew so many people still wanted to barter to 20p. I made £15 and DD made another £24. A few boxes of stuff gone. She is listing on facebook some of the other items.
An old work collegue is moving house and offered me first refusal on some items. I bought the chest freezer for £15 so that's it all my profit gone for the day.


Had abit of an argument with OH yesterday, he was being honest but its not something you want to hear. I have put on some weight, infact quite a bit. I would love to go to the gym, but by doing long days when I finally get a day off all can do is rest.
Oh well, not a lot else to say at the moment. x take care x