Age gap between children?

wik

I have 3 darling monsters!! there is 20 months between my son and my first daughter, then the gap to my youngest daughter is 3 years....

the first 2 are like twins - they are very close, they loved my youngest very very much... but now at almost 14 she feels very left out they are now 17 n 19 and can do things she cant - like go to see bands (many are over 14 only)

i find it hard to cope with the you love them more accusations!

Sneezy

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

17 months between Son 1 and Son 2, and 3 years 5 months between Son 2 and Son 3. Son 3 took longer to conceive than I'd planned.

The older 2 are very close, Son 1 can't remember a time without his brother but when Son 3 was born he was nearly 5 and asked why we had to have him! Son 3 has always been a bit left out by the other 2, happily he has lots of friends and different interests to the other two.

I'd say the closer together the more they'll have in common -mutual friends, school experiences etc and be company for one another.

You could be describing the differences between myself and two sisters. The three of us are very close as adults - I couldn't imagine it any other way (more so this past year as little sister nearly died in a car accident and we've realised how lucky she was/we are).

I was 11 1/2 months when middle sister was born (and can't remember a time without her) and my baby sister is 6 years younger than me.

Middle sister was babied for 5 years and sometimes hated/resented younger sister (and did so until a couple of years ago) because of how different things were for little sister (like being given more freedom). Me and younger sister have always been close - apparently I mothered and 'helped' my mum when she was born.

paulineb_2

Ive never needed mutual friends or shared experiences to love my brother. If he had been born close to me Id have loved him

I love him anyway. Kids adapt full stop. There were five years between my mum and her brother and they loved one another.

I dont think kids should be brought into this world to be playmates for a sibling, if they are fair enough, if not, fine.

Im my own person and so is my brother but we love one another

You grow up with what you know, thats all I can say.

lilymay1

Eldest brother is 21 years older than me and other brother is 10 years older.

Loved it as a youngster - spoilt little sister although it was like being an only child.

There would have been 12 months between my DD and DS although my daughter passed away. They'll be 25 months between DS and baby due, although that is because we've had difficulty conceiving. I would have liked them as close as the first two.

7 or 8 years between children really isn't a lot these days. I wouldn't worry.

Lunar_Eclipse

In general, I think the personalities of the individuals involved play a much bigger part than the age difference. Perhaps it hinges more on the oldest, in terms of how much they are interested in their new sibling and then how well they get along as people.

There is 5 years between me and my sister. There might as well have been much more since I always felt we had nothing in common and were at different stages of life. I had zero interest in lego by the time she did etc. She was 13 when I started seeing my now husband and went to university. Although we're reasonably close as adults, that 'different stage' feeling remains and is why I was keen for a much smaller age gap with my own children (<18 months.)

Larger age gaps are supposedly easier on parents, but potentially harder on the children. No right or wrong thankfully.

marisco_2

There is almost 3 years between my two children. Twins run in my family and I didn't want to risk the chance of that happening till my eldest was toilet trained, a bit more independent and off to preschool. As it happens I went on to just have one baby and they both get on really well. He has definitely grown up faster by having an older brother to show him the ropes.

rachbc

9 years for mine. I think when no 2 is tiny its easier as you aren't chasing after a toddler etc but now mine are 6 and 15 they are at loggerheads. The 15 is very easily frustrated by his little sis who knows so well how to wind him up., but I guess this could just as easily be the case if she was 13 too!

Spendless

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

In general, I think the personalities of the individuals involved play a much bigger part than the age difference. Perhaps it hinges more on the oldest, in terms of how much they are interested in their new sibling and then how well they get along as people.

There is 5 years between me and my sister. There might as well have been much more since I always felt we had nothing in common and were at different stages of life. I had zero interest in lego by the time she did etc. She was 13 when I started seeing my now husband and went to university. Although we're reasonably close as adults, that 'different stage' feeling remains and is why I was keen for a much smaller age gap with my own children (<18 months.)

Larger age gaps are supposedly easier on parents, but potentially harder on the children. No right or wrong thankfully.

This is my take on it too, with a 7 year age difference between me and my sister. I am the eldest and we were always at different 'life stages' and little we could share as a common interest. It also made me want a smaller age gap though I have 3 years between mine as my ill health plus financial and housing issues got in the way between child 1 and child 2. Me and sis went on to have our own children together, my eldest is only a year older than her twins, so that plus being adults has given us common ground.

I think a bigger age gap was far easier for my parents though, by the time Mum returned to work I was at Secondary school and able to pick my sister up from primary school.

notanewuser

There are 17 years between my dad and his sister and 20 years between him and his brother. He was effectively an only child and doesn't have a lot to do with his siblings (they don't bother with him).

There's 3 years between my sister and I and we hated each other for the first 23 years of our lives together. We're closer now, but we'll never be bosom buddies.

There's 18 months between DH and his next sibling, and they were very close growing up. He's not that close to the brother that's 4 years younger than him, but very close to the one 8 years younger.

2 of my SILs have 18 months between theirs. There is nothing that would make me want to go through that.

There's 13 months between my neighbour's children. :eek:

My best friend's children have 8 years between them (different dads) and are as close as anything.

I only have one, and am not making a decision about having any more until she's 4ish. I'm happy with 1. I still have PTSD from having her!

milliemonster

There are 6 years between me and my brother and 14 between me and my sister, I am 40 now and the youngest of the 3 but growing up have never had much in common with any of them although as we have got older we get on ok.

With my own kids I had a deliberate gap of 4.5 yrs between my 2, and that was because I wanted mt eldest to be at school by the time my youngest was born so I had the time to dedicate to the next baby. In hindsight, for a time yes I suppose it did make my life easier, but then I had 10 years of pushchairs and nappies (not quite I guess, but it felt like it!) and my dd (eldest) had me to herself for the first few years of her life but from the minute my son was born she has held this intense jealousy towards him that still exists now she is 14, we have had constant why did you have to have him, you love him more than me etc etc etc, he is very easy to look after but my DD since he was born has been very hard work due to emotional needs, even though we love them both dearly and dont treat them differently in that way.

If I could turn the clock back I dont think I would have left more than 3 years between them, but what's done is done and I guess you just have to do what's right for you, not all kids will react in the same way anyway