Have i made a mistake by not thinking?

Southernman

Also i have mentioned to my friend that he may eventually move in with me and she was happy with that as long as i gave her notice to find somewhere else to live.

fluffnutter

Sounds like you and your fella don't communicate all that well. It didn't occur to you to consider his moving in and he's upset that you didn't. It's not so much that you don't and he does, rather that neither of you seems to know what the other wants or expects.

I also think that maybe you're not ready for the commitment that living together brings. You're only 24 and you're still prioritising (from a living together perspective) your friend from college, rather than your boyfriend. It reminds me a bit of someone who's moved in with their girlfriend yet goes back to mum's (alone) every week for sunday lunch. It takes time for us to fully become grown-up and an established couple - with that inevitably comes a shift in priorities. Perhaps you're not there yet. Nothing wrong with that but you do need to be sensitive towards your boyfriend and his expectations. It's quite telling that rather than ask him whether you've made a mistake, you're asking us.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Southernman wrote: »

So to summarise...

I am 24 and female. Boyfriend has a job an hour away where he is gaining a huge amount of experience in his sector. His current employer has taken a shine to him and is enabling him to develop and progress whereas another company may not be as willing to endorse so much time and energy. Once he's gained the skills he needs he plans to eventually move to manchester where the wage is much higher than the small city he is in now and of course closer to me.

Until then we never discussed moving in being a possibility. When he moves in he wouldn't be in the spare room he'd be with me but i don't know if i could have a lodger at the same time as i'm not sure if it would be fair as it's a two bedroom flat.

I've bought my flat and it's in a good location and i don't want to move half way to Chorley when i'll be far away from my parents (who are extremely close to me) and my boyfriend may not be at his current job long term.

In the meantime i do need to live with someone. One so i'm not lonely and two to help pay my bills!

My friend who i have offered the room to didn't want to flat share with a stranger and didn't enjoy living alone plus the expenses. Her mum (who is a huge part of her life since her dad died) would have worried too, but knows she's safe with me.

I really don't see the problem. All this because he got a bit miffed? Have you actually sat down and had a conversation about it?

LannieDuck

In his position, I would been a little upset that you didn't even suggest the possibility of him moving in. Even if it was phrased as "I assume you won't be interested because the commute would be rubbish, but a room's come up...".

It does make a statement about where your relationship's at, rightly or wrongly.

paulineb_2

Id be wondering why you need someone to live with you to pay your bill and stop you being lonely. You are lucky that you do have someone to move in at the moment but what if you didnt? And theres no reason why your bf couldnt move in as well as a lodger.

Bella73

I don't think you have made a miskake and yes to be honest if I was the boyfriend in this situation I would probably be miffed but would get over it as there is nothing stopping him from staying over as usual.

If he wasn't your first thought then I would say you are not ready to actually live with him anyway so I wouldn't worry too much about it and to be really blunt if this breaks your relationship then it wasn't meant to be.

Good luck with all.

Tish_P

So you don't know, and haven't asked, and he hasn't said, whether he was annoyed about a decision you didn't ask him about but then he didn't ask you about either...

Talk to him out loud with words, for heaven's sake! Or I dread to think how it will turn out when you do move in together and both expect to manage conflicts over money and chores and marriage solely through the use of meaningful looks and/or interpretive dance.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Tish_P wrote: »

So you don't know, and haven't asked, and he hasn't said, whether he was annoyed about a decision you didn't ask him about but then he didn't ask you about either...

Talk to him out loud with words, for heaven's sake! Or I dread to think how it will turn out when you do move in together and both expect to manage conflicts over money and chores and marriage solely through the use of meaningful looks and/or interpretive dance.

Or worse - MSE :eek:

ska_lover

I'm a female and normally ALWAYS see the female point of view, but, I don't understand this at all.... I think this does say a lot about the state of your relationship and you have thoughts that you aren't even prepared to admit to yourself. I could be WAYYYYY of base here, but you asking your mate to move in two minutes after a room becomes availible and THEN thinking of your fella - as an afterthought...does show where your loyalties lie.

Actions after all, do speak louder than words, and your BF will rightly be seeing that as what it is, you discussed moving in together, but then moved your mate in...

This BF of yours, he definately isn't 'the one' - or he would never ever ever be an afterthought to you.

I'm not saying this to be mean, you did ask for other peoples opinions and just saying wht I think, but as I say, I could be way off base