Very naughty 19 month old, hitting and screaming..... Really at the end of my tether

notanewuser · 16 June 2013 at 11:17PM

Your 19 month old does not understand the emotions he's feeling. He probably can't verbalise very well yet either.

He's not naughty, he doesn't need "taming", he needs you to understand him.

Gillyx · 17 June 2013 at 12:40AM

Fwiw, the book toddler taming, is nothing like its name suggests. It's all very gentle parenting and giving you an insight into how there brains are developing and how to help them get through development leaps and also allows you to see the humour in some situations. This book is helping me to understand my child, and understanding why he's frustrated, why he's annoyed and how I can help him to make sense of all of those feelings. So it is NOT a book about locking them in cupboards or anything of the like.

I do not agree with harsh parenting, so it's not something I'd be inclined to read or advocate if that's what it was about.

Edit: it's not to say I would read this book and follow like a rule book, there are some parts of it that don't suit my type of parenting and I skim over them and ignore, but most of the chapters on tantrums/frustration etc have been spot on for me.

notanewuser · 17 June 2013 at 12:55AM

Gillyx wrote: »

Fwiw, the book toddler taming, is nothing like its name suggests. It's all very gentle parenting and giving you an insight into how there brains are developing and how to help them get through development leaps and also allows you to see the humour in some situations. This book is helping me to understand my child, and understanding why he's frustrated, why he's annoyed and how I can help him to make sense of all of those feelings. So it is NOT a book about locking them in cupboards or anything of the like.

I do not agree with harsh parenting, so it's not something I'd be inclined to read or advocate if that's what it was about.

Edit: it's not to say I would read this book and follow like a rule book, there are some parts of it that don't suit my type of parenting and I skim over them and ignore, but most of the chapters on tantrums/frustration etc have been spot on for me.

Fair enough. I dislike the title regardless. DD is 32 months and hasn't had a proper (meltdown) yet!!! :A:

FBaby · 17 June 2013 at 7:51AM

Don't despair and don't think your son is some horrible alien. He is a spirited toddler that just need maybe a bit more discipline than the average toddler, nothing to worry about.

My son was a nightmare at that age. He had such a bad temper, tantrums after tantrums. He was the terror of the nursery. Thankfully, they were not phased by it at all. They allocated him a wonderful key worker, who was very loving, but also very firm, just what he needed. We discussed together how to be best discipline him, which mainly involved clear boundaries, giving him warning about consequences and following them through. It was exhausting, but because I am very stubborn naturally I didn't gave up. It paid off as by the time he was 3, he was lovely and by the time he started school, his behaviour was exemplary. Each year since all I heard from his teachers is what a lovely pleasant helpful young boy he is. He can kick off at home with me when he is tired and I still have to apply the above, but nothing like you would have imagined him turning into when you saw him as a toddler.

valk_scot · 17 June 2013 at 8:01AM

I remember this one...don't hit your ne brother, don't poke him, don't be jealous, mummy loves her big boy ALL THE TIME etc etc. The solution, unfortunately, is even more attention from you. The baby won't even notice if she's got a shade less attention, big boy certainly will. Where's Dad in all this? Make sure he's giving big Boy lots of attention too but also make sure he takes the baby off you a lot so you've got more time for your son.

This means you won't have time for anything else much apart from your kids but hey-ho, housework and combing your hair can wait.

This is a key time in the bonding of your new baby into the family, all the family, so it's worth prioritising this. Make sure visitors spend time with your son, not just cooing over the baby. If they bring a present for the baby hopefully they'll have the tact to bring a token gift for son too, if not try to have a few things ready in a drawer, wrapped up, so you can nudge them into giving him a wee parcel too.

Hard work I know. If it's any consolation however once the baby is a year old she'll be hitting him and interfering with his stuff and he'll be trying to get away from her to play with his big boy toys undisturbed. There's never a dull moment with two small kids....

mcja · 17 June 2013 at 9:10AM

Firstly, huge congratulations on the birth of your daughter.

Secondly, just try changing the word naughty in your title for confused. At the moment, you are doing everything as you feel is right, and protecting this beautiful helpless little girl from her big brother. Having been there and somehow we all survived, I fully agree with valk_scot and this time next year you'll be saying "I told you one days shed hit you back"!!

It is such a hard time for you all when all you want to do is sleep and cuddle and can't because you still have to care for a toddler. Do you have anyone (friends or family) who could take him to the park, feed ducks etc for an hour or so?

If you are BF, I know several friends have had a special feed time box for the toddler which came out when mummy sat down to feed. This was anything you could do one handed or a DVD, even a token for TV time.

Is your ds getting disturbed sleep? That may not be helping.

Good luck and big hugs. You are doing an awesome job by the sounds of it, and hopefully as you will have gathered it does get easier in time.

Xx

picklekin · 17 June 2013 at 3:21PM

I'm sorry I don't have anything to add on topic other than sympathy.

Off topic however twice people have mentioned in this thread to go "feed the ducks". Please don't do this, or if you must, research what they need to eat first, feeding bread to ducks is VERY HARMFUL. http://www.duckrescuenetwork.org/duck_care.html

mcja · 17 June 2013 at 3:33PM

Oops, guess I've b!!geried up a few ducks over the past 9 years then

fireyfirenze · 17 June 2013 at 3:34PM

picklekin wrote: »

I'm sorry I don't have anything to add on topic other than sympathy.

Off topic however twice people have mentioned in this thread to go "feed the ducks". Please don't do this, or if you must, research what they need to eat first, feeding bread to ducks is VERY HARMFUL. http://www.duckrescuenetwork.org/duck_care.html

sorry to go off topic too...

someone told me about this recently that bread is bad for ducks so I read up on it a little bit including the page you posted a link to. the only thing that irks me a little is people have been feeding ducks for YEARS. I used to go when I was little, 27 years ago! surely if it was making them ill it would have been a national fact by now, and banned from parks etc?

missymoo81 · 17 June 2013 at 7:25PM

I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to post. I really do appreciate it. All of your advice has been really helpful and I have just ordered the taking your toddler book. On much advice from here, we've had a better day. Toddler has only had a couple of melt downs only lasting a minute or so. You are right, it is the way you deal with it that makes the difference. I've tried to praise him lots for the good things and given him good attention rather than just negative. So hopefully tomorrow will be better still. Thank you so so much again, you really have helped me see he is just doing what normal toddlers do and that it's not the end of the world it just feels that way as I've hardly slept and am still a little fragile. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you all x