Very naughty 19 month old, hitting and screaming..... Really at the end of my tether

missymoo81

Hello,

I'm really struggling at the moment. I've got a new born at 3 weeks old and have a 19 month old. Before my daughter was born my son started misbehaving, shouting of you said no or if you left the room, but his behaviour has just gone from bad to worse. If I say no to him he screams and shouts and hits. I just don't know what to do with him. He's very loving towards our new addition, kissing her and holding her fingers but if he leans on her accidently I tell him to be careful. But he then gets cross and tapped the baby on the head, not particularly lightly! As he knows this gets a reaction. I hit him back today, not hard but enough to shock him, and told him off, and he cried for a minute, then came back and hit her and laughed! If I leave a room or don't do something immediately, the worst crying, shouting tantrum ensues!!!

I'm really at a loss of what to do with him, my OH goes away in a week for 3 weeks and in starting to panic and get really concerned about how im going to cope if anyone has been through this or can offer an advice on what to do, please post.

Thanks for reading,

Missy

unschooler

New baby in the house is a world turned upside down for everyone. It's exhausting for you and confusing for him.

Can he sit on your other knee when you're feeding, help you by singing to the baby, tucking the baby in etc - all stuff you can praise him for being such a fantastic big brother?

Try distraction rather than 'no' and avoid telling him off as much as you possibly can and praise every single thing you can think of. Even if it sounds false, it's 'good' attention rather than negative attention.

CH27

He's probably feeling unsettled as he is no longer the focus of your attention.

Do you have lots of cuddle time with him when baby is asleep?

Kayalana99

I don't generally agree with hitting children but you do need to be careful with this tactic. Your near 2 year old is very impressionable at this age and as you have experienced if you hit him he is likey to copy and do it to others.

Sorry I don't have much advice all I can say is to tread carefully as you don't want your 19month old to resent the newborn so early on but rather try and involve him in helping you so he feels protective of the newborn.

shortdog

He sounds like a normal toddler, so don't panic.
What happens when he has a tantrum? If you are not already, ignore it completely. Don't look at him, don't speak to him, don't react to him in any way. Once he's stopped, give him a cuddle and make it all bvetter for him - at this age they lose control of their emotions and have no idea how to cope, it's a scary thing for them.
If he hits, kicks, etc, tell him calmly "We don't behave like that" and remove him from the situation. Take him out of the room if there is somewhere safe to leave him, or pop him in a playpen/travel cot/corner etc, and ignore him for a minute. After his minute is up, go back and let him know why he was there i.e. "Mummy put you in the travel cot as you hit your sister. We don't do that, it's not nice", give him a cuddle, and carry on as normal. He'll learn soon enough that hitting is unacceptable.
Don't panic, he's normla, testing his boundaries, and it's probably not got a great deal to do with the new baby - he'd have done this anyway, it's just that he's discovered that hitting the baby gets a good reaction.

Bennifred

I highly recommend a book called "Toddler Taming" by Dr Christopher Green. Makes you realise you are not alone, has lots of great ideas which actually work and has been a sanity saver for lots of parents!

Gillyx

Second Toddler Taming, it is brilliant. My 16 month old has become very 'hitty' recently and it's really helping me cope with it

Lou67

I can only echo what the others have said hun. I do feel for you, and I know you're a great mom and you're doing your best, but as people have already said, your toddler's behaviour sounds very normal to me, considering a new baby has appeared.

Also, being so soon after your second baby's birth, you will be fragile and frazzled and a bit down, so any naughtyish or fractious behaviour from your kids is going to be magnified. Maybe take both kiddies for walks in the park or to feed the ducks or anything to entertain your toddler...

You'll be fine and so will your kids. Good luck xxx

meritaten

your toddler has hit the terrible twos a bit early - coupled with a new baby! I feel for you! it isn't going to be easy. treat them like introducing a cat into a dog dominated home. be careful not to leave them alone together and also be very careful that you don't overprotect the baby at the cost of the toddler. its easy to do, but that toddler will never forget it! I wouldn't smack the toddler hun, it will just make him resentful to the baby and you don't want that do you? distraction techniques and praising toddler for being 'helpful' and 'kind' usually work better.

BitterAndTwisted

With a three week-old baby there must be plenty of time (!) when tiny is sleeping to lavish lots and lots of attention on your toddler.

He's not being naughty: he's just not happy having to share you yet. This demands a huge adjustment on his part and he's understandably finding it very difficult indeed. Your tiny daughter is "his new baby" and he's going to enjoy being a big boy now. Praise and extra privileges for being big

Kathy535

I'm sure you are doing this already, but if not try making everything you do 'ours' - let's go and change our baby, listen to our baby crying, shall we take her for a walk? Let's feed our baby while you have a story etc etc. that way time with the new baby becomes something he shares in and he won't feel excluded and inclined to play up perhaps?